Since my church is in the middle of message series called Wonderstruck: Recapturing the Awe of God, many of us have been posting to Facebook pictures and things that cause us to be wonder struck in some way or another. My Facebook post this morning was a good one. I posted about my biological father. I have never met the man a day in my life. I know very little about him. I know his name and his approximate age. I do not even know if he is alive or dead. I’ve never even seen a picture. However, my mom tells me that I have his personality. I think like him and act like him. I understand genetics when it comes to physical attributes, but to think that I have the personality of someone that I have not spent one second of time with…. that level of genetic inheritance causes me to be, well, wonder struck.
If I had only known when I posted this morning that the evening events would again prove this fact, I might have mentioned in my post that these personality traits are not good ones.
Once again, God used an event at school to illustrate a spiritual principle. I am glad that He is patient with me and continues to instruct me through these life lessons. Although I am one of the most transparent people on the planet, even I am quite a bit embarrassed by this story. I will share it though in order to share the spiritual application.
Tonight was my final exam in my Managerial Accounting class. I tend to be overly concerned about my grades (in my mind anything that isn’t an A is an F) and therefore I spent a good deal of time studying and preparing for this exam. I studied 5 hours the night before, 40 minutes during lunch, and 90 minutes directly before class. I knew the material. It was not overly difficult. Only the volume of material I needed to know scared me a bit. I was concerned that I would focus too much on one concept at the expense of others.
I was slightly stressed all day but I kept telling myself things that my Beginning Accounting professor taught us. He would say “this is not your life; it is just an Accounting test” and “do your best but keep things in perspective”. I rehearsed these truths over and over all day.
Here is the funny (or insane) part: my overall average for the class before the final exam was a 98%. The only way I could not have an A for the final grade would be if I scored a 72% or lower on this final exam – an unlikely event. So I didn’t want to be over confident, but I felt pretty sure my coveted A was in the bag.
So I start the exam and for the first two pages everything is fine. Page three contained some true and false questions that confused me. There were three of them I was not sure about and I began to get concepts mixed up. I started to panic. I put my pencil down, re-read the questions and tried to just think them through. All of sudden my neck was killing me and I got so hot I was profusely sweating. Nausea followed and I got a little dizzy. I seriously thought I was going to throw up on the table. I looked at the professor and asked if I could step out to get a drink of water. She seemed to hesitate. A student leaving the class in the middle of a test could be an opportunity for them to cheat. So I told her I felt I was going to throw up and I would only go as far as the water fountain, which she and the other students could see from the classroom. She consented. I took a drink of water and tried to breathe. I chastised myself for getting that worked up. I went back in the classroom and the professor asked if I wanted a mint and I accepted. I then resumed taking the exam. Two minutes later there is a tablet being placed under my nose. The professor had taken a tablet and had written in bold capital letters “RELAX!!!!! HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY NOT GET AN A IN THIS CLASS!!!!!!” I laughed and that laughter released just enough endorphins to chase the nausea away. Even though I was one of the last students to finish, I am confident I got higher than a 72.
As I sat in my car in Carlow’s parking lot, I felt embarrassed by what had just occurred. I remembered this morning’s Facebook post. My biological father would have done exactly what I did. Unfortunately, this is more than just a funny personality trait. This is a character flaw. Well, at least I am consistent. This character flaw not only occurs at school, but in every area of my life – including my spiritual life.
The character flaw is this: The information I know in my brain somehow has trouble getting down to my heart. Time and time again, when an unexpected storm of life occurs, my heart runs amok and takes over, shutting down my brain and all its knowledge. Even worse, most times the storm is not even real – it’s all internal.
In regards to this test, my brain knew everything it needed to know. I am not referring to the material on the exam. My brain knew that it was just an Accounting test. My brain knew I would more than likely have an A for the class. My brain knew that this test, the class, or even my educational goals have absolutely no eternal significance whatsoever.
If my brain knew that, why didn’t my heart follow? Why couldn’t I use the truth of what I knew to keep my emotions calm and in check?
This happens far too often in my spiritual walk. I know everything I am supposed to know. I believe God’s Word is 100% true. The Bible says that He has given us everything we need for life and Godliness. God has proven to me personally countless times that He is a Good Father, a perfect Shepherd, a Faithful Provider, a Diligent Protector, a Constant Companion, and the Savior of my soul. I know that I know that I know that He is working all things for my good and nothing can separate me from Him.
Yet, more often that not, when life brings me a small storm or a slight bump in the road, I react just the way I did in class tonight. When the storm ends and everything is fine, I wonder why I acted that way when I knew God was in control the whole time. Why can’t my brain get my heart under control?
Scripture identifies and confirms my problem. Jeremiah 17:9 NLT says: “the human heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked, who can understand it?”
Of course there is the infamous Romans 7… “What I want to do I do not do and what I hate to do that I find myself doing”. AMEN!
Thankfully, Scripture not only identifies my problem. It provides a solution. However, that solution is no quick fix. It is a process called sanctification. Sanctification occurs, albeit for some more slowly than others, when one spends time with the Lord and allows the Master Potter to have their heart and slowly change it from a heart that is deceitful and wicked to a heart that is like Christ.
I have been in relationship with Jesus for 27 years. I am sorely disappointed in myself tonight and I am ashamed that my heart is still so deceitful. It makes no sense to strive for an A in Managerial Accounting and fail a simple test of application of Biblical principles. However, just as my professor didn’t chastise me as I deserved but rescued me with encouragement, my Savior does the same. He encourages me with Psalm 73:26 which says that my flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever, and He reminds me of His promise in Philippians 1:6 that He who began the good work in me will be faithful to complete it.
I am confident that there will be a day when the Godly character that I inherit from my heavenly Father will overrule the personality I inherited from my biological one. When that day finally comes, I, along with everyone else shall truly be…. Wonderstruck.
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
Saturday, September 26, 2015
Responding to Grace
I haven’t blogged in such a long time. I miss it. What I miss even more is Bible study – both by myself and in a group. Working full time and pursuing a college degree leaves little time for anything else. Thankfully, God speaks to us in many ways and can use anything or anyone to illustrate a point. Many times, He has used my college experiences to clarify a Biblical concept. Today’s lesson was sweet, and even though a ton of homework awaits, I have to take time to write about this – if for no other reason than to make sure it penetrates deep within my own spirit.
Grace. We Christians love that word. As well we should, for without it we have no salvation and no relationship with God. Today, in my tax accounting class, I was the recipient of grace. The professor handed us our graded homework from the last class. I did not do as well as I had thought. Out of 65 problems, I had made 9 mistakes. Some of them were silly, minor mistakes and some revealed that I did not understand the material. Seeing all those red x marks was depressing. However, if I showed you the front page of my homework, you would never know that I had made 9 mistakes. The professor had written across the top of the paper: “100% Nice Job”! Nice job? If I did the math, I should have an 86%, which to me is not a nice job. On the books, however, I have 100%.
The professor explained that because this is an accelerated class and we are learning much of the material on our own, all she is looking for is to see that we tried. She said that she can tell who gave it their all and who slacked off and if she could see the effort, we were given a perfect score. Wow.
During the break, I was chatting with some fellow students and we were talking about the work we are currently doing. Several of the students made comments saying that we didn’t have to try to get it right. They said that as long as we wrote something down, she would give us the credit and therefore we did not need to try so hard. Ouch. I am so glad she did not hear these students, though I doubt she would be surprised. We were given a precious gift – the gift of grace – and some decided to abuse it.
It is not difficult to see the spiritual parallel here. No matter how well we may try to live our lives, the Bible tells us that all have sinned. It says there are none righteous, no not one. No human being, with the exception of God in the flesh (Jesus) has ever gotten a 100% grade on their lives. We have made mistakes. We have failed. We have sinned. God, in His great love for us, sent Jesus to die a horrific death on the cross. In other words, Jesus paid a much higher price (His blood) to extend grace than my accounting professor has paid. Yet, some choose to abuse even the grace of God. How is God’s grace abused? The best answer to that question was given by one of North Way’s pastors in a blog of his own. His blog was written during a mission trip and he explained what God had shown him while overseas. He wrote “I cease trying to work out my salvation with fear and trembling and I begin to arrogantly rely on God’s grace.” Those words have wrecked me time and again.
Now let me be clear. As Christians, we absolutely have to rely on God’s grace. We have no choice. We are incapable of getting it 100% right. We can try and try and try but we will still miss the mark. However, it is the adverb in my pastor’s statement that turns a necessary thing into a horrible thing. It becomes horrible when we ARROGANTLY rely on God’s grace. When we decide to stop trying and just live our lives any old way we want to because well, its okay, God will give me grace… that is when we become arrogant.
Let’s go back to tax accounting for one moment. When I was handed that paper containing 9 mistakes but showing 100%, I had two responses. First was gratitude. I was beyond grateful for my professor’s extension of grace. My second response is that I want to do better next time. I want to try harder. I want to give it all I’ve got. Even though I know that grace will continue to be there, I do not want to rely on it. I don’t want to see 9 mistakes on my next assignment. I am sure I am going to make some, but I will feel bad when I do. To slack off on my work because I know the professor has promised grace would be poor character on my part. It shows a lack of gratitude and a sense of entitlement. To me, the more gratitude I have, the more effort I would want to give to get it right. My effort is one way I can thank her for her grace.
In our Christian lives, this concept can best be illustrated by picturing two kinds of rafts. The way that grace is intended to be viewed is as a life preserver. If we can picture ourselves trying desperately to swim but drowning in our sin, Jesus has thrown us a life preserver. All we have to do is grab onto it and we will be saved – we will not drown and die in our sins. The appropriate response to Jesus for extending that life preserver is gratitude and life lived to the best of our ability. The inappropriate response is to cease seeing His grace as a life preserver and begin to use it as lounge raft. You know, one of those inflatable rafts that you lay on in the pool while sipping cocktails and occasionally gliding our pinky toes in the water.
God never intended for His grace, purchased with the blood of His Son, to become a lounge raft. I am thankful that He used my professor to remind me that grace is a gift and gratitude is the appropriate response. I pray that He helps me to keep my heart soft so that I desire to swim well and give it my best and rely on that life preserver when my efforts fail and I begin to drown.
There is a 100% next to my name in my professor’s grade book. More importantly, my name is written in the Lamb’s Book of Life. Both because of grace. May I always respond well.
Wednesday, December 3, 2014
Why Am I Weird?
It's been over a week since my surgery and I am still at home recovering. A hidden blessing this surgery has brought is the ability to focus on my schoolwork full time and hopefully end the semester well. I have been inundated with schoolwork and I have no clue how I would have gotten all the work done if I were working as usual. For the past three days I have spent a minimum of 8 hours per day at my desk focused solely on Intermediate Accounting.
Today I received North Way's Year End Giving mailing and it reminded me that I have been meaning to go to the website www.nwimmeasurablymore.org and check out all of the things they mentioned at the family meetings. So I figured it would be a welcomed break from school work and I grabbed a snack and logged on.
The information on that website was thrilling. I had an excitement that I hadn't felt in so long. When I watched the video for the large space for North Way Oakland I had goosebumps and got misty-eyed. I don't even attend that campus! One would think I would get excited over the ministry in Homewood, and I did, but for some reason the Oakland space made my heart soar.
It didn't soar long before my crazy brain threw some self-centered thoughts in the mix. I thought to myself: God is doing so many wonderful things. Lives are being changed. People are being ministered to. His kingdom is advancing. AND I AM DOING ACCOUNTING?????? Since the start of the semester this past August, I have done nothing but work and accounting. Whose life is being changed by the numbers I crunch day in and day out? Sure, I like crunching numbers, and I am good at it (else I would not be doing it) but it has no eternal value. No one's life is made better by my accounting. No one begins a relationship with Jesus due to balance sheets and statements of comprehensive income.
In the middle of this downward spiral my phone hums and announces an email - and its Pastor's Jay blog. If I had a dollar for each time that blog has come at just the right moment......
So I began to encourage myself by reciting all the things that folks have said to me: you can touch the lives of the people you work with, God has you as a light in the darkness...." I even reminded myself that just yesterday I wrote letters to 7 children around the globe living in poverty. (I only sponsor 2 but I assist Compassion in writing letters to children who have sponsors that won't write to them). Reminding myself of these things helped to end the pity party I invited myself to, but I still wasn't okay and definitely wasn't ready to resume accounting homework.
I started to chat with God and I was not angry or upset or even questioning Him (though I was tempted to) but I did say that I didn't think His plan for my life made much sense (cause you know, I am the omniscient one). I told him that there are so many people who are completely comfortable in their suburban lifestyle corporate America jobs and many times He calls those people to leave that lifestyle behind and follow Him into full time ministry. But not me, I am the weirdo. I want the full time ministry and He calls me to corporate America??!!! Really? It's just weird.
Oh but I love Him and I love that He doesn't lose patience with me and He just talks me through these moments. He gently reminded me of something. He has prepared me for this time in my life. He has prepared me and I have practiced the art of having your body and mind be in one place while your heart is in another.
Most of you have heard my testimony. When I was 14 years old and accompanied a friend to something she called "youth group", I met Jesus and began a relationship with Him and with the people of Abundant Life Church who introduced me to Him. My parents, who were then devout Catholics, forbid me to attend Abundant Life Church because it was not a Catholic church. Those of you who think I am extremely emotional now - you may want to thank God you didn't know me at age 14! I yelled at my parents: "what is wrong with you? Do you know how many parents would kill to have a 14 year old that DESIRES to go to church and yet you are forbidding me???" So my brilliant idea was to simply sneak and go to church. But when I told my pastor's wife about this she said "oh, no - you have to do what your parents tell you to do - even if that means not coming to church." Her daughter chimed in with a phrase that I would hear a million times more - "if you do what is right, right will come back to you." I obeyed my parents and stayed away though it broke my heart. Nine months later, seemingly out of nowhere, the "bann" was lifted and I returned to that church and spent the my last three years of high school in the the church's school. My parents eventually left religion and found a relationship with Jesus (not due to anything I said or did).
I smiled when God brought this back into my mind and I realized He taught me that lesson in my youth to prepare me to practice it again today. Oh, I left my parents home when I was 24 but God is now the Father I obey. Each time I ask God if I can quit school He says no. For some reason, just as I was teenager banned from church, I am an adult banned from full time ministry. However, now that God has shown me that He graciously prepared me for this time in my life, I feel a renewed passion and energy to do what God has called me to do, even though why He called me to it makes no sense to me.
The more exciting part is wondering when and how He will create miracles. When my father decided to lift the church bann, it was not because of anything I said or did. I simply obeyed God and obeyed my parents and somehow God changed my parents' heart. And when my parents began their own relationship with Jesus, it was nothing I said or did. I did not "witness" or "evangelize" them. I didn't preach or show them Scriptures. In fact, I was living with a relative when out of the blue my mom stopped talking about their priest and started mentioning some other person called Pastor Larry. How and when that switch happened I still to this day do not know (I should probably ask).
Point is - all I did was obey God and HE (not me) made things happen.
So.... if you will excuse me, I have some accounting to do...... :)
Today I received North Way's Year End Giving mailing and it reminded me that I have been meaning to go to the website www.nwimmeasurablymore.org and check out all of the things they mentioned at the family meetings. So I figured it would be a welcomed break from school work and I grabbed a snack and logged on.
The information on that website was thrilling. I had an excitement that I hadn't felt in so long. When I watched the video for the large space for North Way Oakland I had goosebumps and got misty-eyed. I don't even attend that campus! One would think I would get excited over the ministry in Homewood, and I did, but for some reason the Oakland space made my heart soar.
It didn't soar long before my crazy brain threw some self-centered thoughts in the mix. I thought to myself: God is doing so many wonderful things. Lives are being changed. People are being ministered to. His kingdom is advancing. AND I AM DOING ACCOUNTING?????? Since the start of the semester this past August, I have done nothing but work and accounting. Whose life is being changed by the numbers I crunch day in and day out? Sure, I like crunching numbers, and I am good at it (else I would not be doing it) but it has no eternal value. No one's life is made better by my accounting. No one begins a relationship with Jesus due to balance sheets and statements of comprehensive income.
In the middle of this downward spiral my phone hums and announces an email - and its Pastor's Jay blog. If I had a dollar for each time that blog has come at just the right moment......
So I began to encourage myself by reciting all the things that folks have said to me: you can touch the lives of the people you work with, God has you as a light in the darkness...." I even reminded myself that just yesterday I wrote letters to 7 children around the globe living in poverty. (I only sponsor 2 but I assist Compassion in writing letters to children who have sponsors that won't write to them). Reminding myself of these things helped to end the pity party I invited myself to, but I still wasn't okay and definitely wasn't ready to resume accounting homework.
I started to chat with God and I was not angry or upset or even questioning Him (though I was tempted to) but I did say that I didn't think His plan for my life made much sense (cause you know, I am the omniscient one). I told him that there are so many people who are completely comfortable in their suburban lifestyle corporate America jobs and many times He calls those people to leave that lifestyle behind and follow Him into full time ministry. But not me, I am the weirdo. I want the full time ministry and He calls me to corporate America??!!! Really? It's just weird.
Oh but I love Him and I love that He doesn't lose patience with me and He just talks me through these moments. He gently reminded me of something. He has prepared me for this time in my life. He has prepared me and I have practiced the art of having your body and mind be in one place while your heart is in another.
Most of you have heard my testimony. When I was 14 years old and accompanied a friend to something she called "youth group", I met Jesus and began a relationship with Him and with the people of Abundant Life Church who introduced me to Him. My parents, who were then devout Catholics, forbid me to attend Abundant Life Church because it was not a Catholic church. Those of you who think I am extremely emotional now - you may want to thank God you didn't know me at age 14! I yelled at my parents: "what is wrong with you? Do you know how many parents would kill to have a 14 year old that DESIRES to go to church and yet you are forbidding me???" So my brilliant idea was to simply sneak and go to church. But when I told my pastor's wife about this she said "oh, no - you have to do what your parents tell you to do - even if that means not coming to church." Her daughter chimed in with a phrase that I would hear a million times more - "if you do what is right, right will come back to you." I obeyed my parents and stayed away though it broke my heart. Nine months later, seemingly out of nowhere, the "bann" was lifted and I returned to that church and spent the my last three years of high school in the the church's school. My parents eventually left religion and found a relationship with Jesus (not due to anything I said or did).
I smiled when God brought this back into my mind and I realized He taught me that lesson in my youth to prepare me to practice it again today. Oh, I left my parents home when I was 24 but God is now the Father I obey. Each time I ask God if I can quit school He says no. For some reason, just as I was teenager banned from church, I am an adult banned from full time ministry. However, now that God has shown me that He graciously prepared me for this time in my life, I feel a renewed passion and energy to do what God has called me to do, even though why He called me to it makes no sense to me.
The more exciting part is wondering when and how He will create miracles. When my father decided to lift the church bann, it was not because of anything I said or did. I simply obeyed God and obeyed my parents and somehow God changed my parents' heart. And when my parents began their own relationship with Jesus, it was nothing I said or did. I did not "witness" or "evangelize" them. I didn't preach or show them Scriptures. In fact, I was living with a relative when out of the blue my mom stopped talking about their priest and started mentioning some other person called Pastor Larry. How and when that switch happened I still to this day do not know (I should probably ask).
Point is - all I did was obey God and HE (not me) made things happen.
So.... if you will excuse me, I have some accounting to do...... :)
Saturday, November 29, 2014
When Excellence Becomes Obsession
I cannot believe it has been nearly a year since I wrote a blog. I was thinking it had been about 4-5 months, but January 7, 2014 was my last post and here it is November 30th. Well, this discovery is confirmation of tonight's blog topic - so I guess I was meant to write tonight.
If you know me, you know that I am in school pursuing my first bachelors degree. This isn't new news - I began this journey in January 2012. This past semester however, has been different from all the rest in that it has taken nearly 100% of my spare time. Since August, it seems that all I do is work and school work. Two of my good friends that I meet with only once a month have not seen me since the semester began. Sadly, my family has only seen me when medical emergencies arose.
Now, I do have a strict professor for Intermediate Accounting and her workload defies description. In all fairness though, I can't place all the blame on her. I am the stereotypical OCD person. I believe that if you decide to do something, do it with excellence or don't bother doing it. So when it comes to school, my obsessive compulsive brain says: "you either get an A, or you have failed." This current class has been so difficult, I carried an 88 for the majority of the semester. Though many folks have told me to be proud of my 88, an 88 is a B and I want a A. So I work harder, I study longer, I strive.
In addition to this, I am a new hire at my job. It's a dream job that I could not possibly love more than I do, but there is still a learning curve and a proving period.
So my life for the past four months has been: stay up past my bedtime doing schoolwork, wake up tired so snooze the alarms a few times, get out of bed with barely enough time to shower and run out the door, work, go to Carlow, study, repeat. I keep telling myself it is temporary - its only four months.
Now that I am nearing the end of the four months I am realizing the toll it has taken.
When I roll out of bed with just enough time to shower and run, I miss any quality time with the Lord. Before I know it, I've gone months on a spiritual fast-food diet and I wonder why I feel spiritually sick. I have told almost all my friends and family that I will see them when the semester is over, yet my life began to fill purposeless. I was feeling robotic - just going through the motions of the day.
So what exactly is the problem and what is the solution? The problem is I allowed excellence to become an obsession and drive out every other thing from my life. And see, I should know better. I do know better. Several years ago, Pastor Jay said in one of his sermons that there were only two things in life that mattered: your relationship with God and your relationships with other people. Why? Because those two things are the only things that are eternal. Every other thing we have or do cannot accompany us into eternity. So why in heaven's name do we spend so much time and energy on things of only temporal value?
So... I have a solution! I can quit school and focus on God and other people. Right? Wrong.
I believe God wants to me continue school. I believe He lead me to begin the journey and wants me to finish it. I also believe He wants me to work with excellence, but not with obsession. Ecclesiastes 7:18 says to avoid all extremes. So how do I maintain this difficult balance? First, by making communication with Him my number one priority. If I do that, He can help me with the other time management aspects. His Holy Spirit will guide me and I will know when to tell a friend that I can't see them this month or when to go and see them and trust that the work will get done.
I have got to make sure my time with Him is my first priority. Realistically, I may not be able to sit for 45 minutes each morning. But I also can't "just pray in the car" each day for four months.
The bottom line is - I just can't do this without Him. He has used these past four months to show me that. Today's Jesus Calling devotional said: "...I have taken you along a path that has highlighted your need for me: placing you in situations where your strengths were irrelevant and your weaknesses were glaringly evident. Through the aridity of those desert marches, I have drawn you closer to Myself. Needing Me is the key to knowing Me intimately"
This semester has definitely proved that I need the Lord - like a deer pants for water. Regaining that intimacy will bring excellence - in the things that matter most. And will most likely keep some excellence with the schoolwork, though that excellence might look like a B.
What I am most thankful for - is that He is obsessed with communicating with me. :)
If you know me, you know that I am in school pursuing my first bachelors degree. This isn't new news - I began this journey in January 2012. This past semester however, has been different from all the rest in that it has taken nearly 100% of my spare time. Since August, it seems that all I do is work and school work. Two of my good friends that I meet with only once a month have not seen me since the semester began. Sadly, my family has only seen me when medical emergencies arose.
Now, I do have a strict professor for Intermediate Accounting and her workload defies description. In all fairness though, I can't place all the blame on her. I am the stereotypical OCD person. I believe that if you decide to do something, do it with excellence or don't bother doing it. So when it comes to school, my obsessive compulsive brain says: "you either get an A, or you have failed." This current class has been so difficult, I carried an 88 for the majority of the semester. Though many folks have told me to be proud of my 88, an 88 is a B and I want a A. So I work harder, I study longer, I strive.
In addition to this, I am a new hire at my job. It's a dream job that I could not possibly love more than I do, but there is still a learning curve and a proving period.
So my life for the past four months has been: stay up past my bedtime doing schoolwork, wake up tired so snooze the alarms a few times, get out of bed with barely enough time to shower and run out the door, work, go to Carlow, study, repeat. I keep telling myself it is temporary - its only four months.
Now that I am nearing the end of the four months I am realizing the toll it has taken.
When I roll out of bed with just enough time to shower and run, I miss any quality time with the Lord. Before I know it, I've gone months on a spiritual fast-food diet and I wonder why I feel spiritually sick. I have told almost all my friends and family that I will see them when the semester is over, yet my life began to fill purposeless. I was feeling robotic - just going through the motions of the day.
So what exactly is the problem and what is the solution? The problem is I allowed excellence to become an obsession and drive out every other thing from my life. And see, I should know better. I do know better. Several years ago, Pastor Jay said in one of his sermons that there were only two things in life that mattered: your relationship with God and your relationships with other people. Why? Because those two things are the only things that are eternal. Every other thing we have or do cannot accompany us into eternity. So why in heaven's name do we spend so much time and energy on things of only temporal value?
So... I have a solution! I can quit school and focus on God and other people. Right? Wrong.
I believe God wants to me continue school. I believe He lead me to begin the journey and wants me to finish it. I also believe He wants me to work with excellence, but not with obsession. Ecclesiastes 7:18 says to avoid all extremes. So how do I maintain this difficult balance? First, by making communication with Him my number one priority. If I do that, He can help me with the other time management aspects. His Holy Spirit will guide me and I will know when to tell a friend that I can't see them this month or when to go and see them and trust that the work will get done.
I have got to make sure my time with Him is my first priority. Realistically, I may not be able to sit for 45 minutes each morning. But I also can't "just pray in the car" each day for four months.
The bottom line is - I just can't do this without Him. He has used these past four months to show me that. Today's Jesus Calling devotional said: "...I have taken you along a path that has highlighted your need for me: placing you in situations where your strengths were irrelevant and your weaknesses were glaringly evident. Through the aridity of those desert marches, I have drawn you closer to Myself. Needing Me is the key to knowing Me intimately"
This semester has definitely proved that I need the Lord - like a deer pants for water. Regaining that intimacy will bring excellence - in the things that matter most. And will most likely keep some excellence with the schoolwork, though that excellence might look like a B.
What I am most thankful for - is that He is obsessed with communicating with me. :)
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Wonder Struck
Most of my blogs are written in the evenings. I don’t typically blog in the morning because when I wake up on time, that time is reserved for communication with the Lord.
This morning though, I feel like I need to blog to sort out what I believe God is showing me.
I got a new Bible study to hold me over until the Beth Moore Womens Bible Study begins in February. I have never heard of Margaret Feinberg before, but she is a member of LifeWay and I stumbled across her Bible study – Wonderstruck: Awaken to the Nearness of God”. The focus of the study is to help people who fall into a rut and start just going through the motions of Christianity without the spark and vibrancy that a relationship with God is meant to have. So it caught my attention and I decided to begin it this morning.
I couldn’t get past the first question. God would not let me just answer and move on – it was something to ponder and discuss with Him. The first question was: what takes away the wonder of God in your life? She gave the examples of busyness and responsibility and asked us to add our own. I could have written several answers, but God asked me to recall my last 48 hours – and when I thought about them, I was ashamed of myself.
Forty-eight hours ago, I was on my way to church. I was feeling neutral about it – wasn’t excited, wasn’t dreading it – just kinda doing what I do on a Sunday morning. Worship ended up being extra sweet. It does not happen every week but it was one of those intimate worship times where I forgot that I was in a room full of people. It was just me and the Lord – I forgot everything and everyone else. See when I really stop and look at who He is, and the fact that He has invited me into a personal relationship with Him, I really am “wonderstruck” and the rest of the details of my life seem inconsequential.
Worship was followed by a message that I really needed – I was wondering if Pastor Jay knew that there were other people in the room besides me. Lol. Church was followed by breakfast with two friends that I could not possibly love more than I do. I am often wonderstruck when I consider that God blessed with me with a good friendship with them and not just a casual acquaintance. It’s one of the ways He reminds me of His love for me.
So then I went home and did some housework for a few hours. Around 4:30, I decided that I didn’t want to spend the rest of the day alone and I tried to hook up with several people. No one was available. I tried not to get too bummed out, but I knew I would spend all day Monday alone too and a small pity party started to creep in. I fought it as best I could, and ended the day reading in my chronological one year Bible.
Monday morning – woke up at 3:30 am and could not fall back to sleep. Laid in bed semi-praying for an hour, then decided to get up and shower. I mean – I felt wide awake.
After showering and dressing for the day, I sat on the couch with the Bible. Bad move – better to read at the desk. I ended up falling asleep on the couch until 7:45 – time for work.
Monday went downhill rapidly. Both at work and out of work the day filled up with just…. crap. That is the nicest term I can come up with for it… crap. A couple of disappointing personal emails, several aggravating phone conversations, the pile just keep getting bigger and Raquel kept getting crankier. I thought that 5pm would bring relief, but it didn’t. I typically don’t watch the news, but I did because of the record breaking weather. Something on the news sparked a Facebook debate (started by an acquaintance of mine) and I allowed myself to get sucked in. While engaged in that nonsense, I saw a post by a well known and well respected person that just shocked me to my core. I was appalled. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit kicked that self control into gear and I did not comment, because the words I had were sharp and hurtful. Though I said nothing, it took awhile to shake how shocked I was. It was the icing on the cake of crap for the day.
Notice something? Notice how 3 paragraphs ago I am talking about intimacy with God and noticing His rich blessings and love. Now, after a day and half of crap – my view of God is almost non-existent.
Obviously, this is not God’s fault. But what happened? How did I go from one extreme to the other so quickly? I think the answer is in the title of my new Bible study – Wonderstruck. I went from being wonderstruck with who God is to being wonderstruck (in a bad way) at how messed up this world is.
Now both aspects are certainly true. This world is one messed up place and we (including me) are one messed up people. Thus, the need for a Savior.
My downfall was allowing that ever growing pile of crap to obscure my view of a perfect God. I became so focused and flabbergasted with the nonsense that I lost the sense of awe that was so real and intimate less than 48 hours ago.
The story isn’t new – not for me or anyone else. The typical Peter: walking on water when his eyes are on Jesus, sinking in the storm when his eyes are on the waves.
I think God had me type this out so I could see how my downward spiral occurred. Now that I clearly see the need and purpose for it, I am excited to begin this Bible study. My hope is that I will get better and improve on staying wonderstruck with who God is and not get wrapped up in the mess of the world.
Jesus said that in this world we would have trouble, but He has overcome the world. (John 16:33) He is greater than that big pile of crap and my job is to turn my eyes to Him and then the things of this world will grow strangely dim – and I will grow … wonderstruck.
This morning though, I feel like I need to blog to sort out what I believe God is showing me.
I got a new Bible study to hold me over until the Beth Moore Womens Bible Study begins in February. I have never heard of Margaret Feinberg before, but she is a member of LifeWay and I stumbled across her Bible study – Wonderstruck: Awaken to the Nearness of God”. The focus of the study is to help people who fall into a rut and start just going through the motions of Christianity without the spark and vibrancy that a relationship with God is meant to have. So it caught my attention and I decided to begin it this morning.
I couldn’t get past the first question. God would not let me just answer and move on – it was something to ponder and discuss with Him. The first question was: what takes away the wonder of God in your life? She gave the examples of busyness and responsibility and asked us to add our own. I could have written several answers, but God asked me to recall my last 48 hours – and when I thought about them, I was ashamed of myself.
Forty-eight hours ago, I was on my way to church. I was feeling neutral about it – wasn’t excited, wasn’t dreading it – just kinda doing what I do on a Sunday morning. Worship ended up being extra sweet. It does not happen every week but it was one of those intimate worship times where I forgot that I was in a room full of people. It was just me and the Lord – I forgot everything and everyone else. See when I really stop and look at who He is, and the fact that He has invited me into a personal relationship with Him, I really am “wonderstruck” and the rest of the details of my life seem inconsequential.
Worship was followed by a message that I really needed – I was wondering if Pastor Jay knew that there were other people in the room besides me. Lol. Church was followed by breakfast with two friends that I could not possibly love more than I do. I am often wonderstruck when I consider that God blessed with me with a good friendship with them and not just a casual acquaintance. It’s one of the ways He reminds me of His love for me.
So then I went home and did some housework for a few hours. Around 4:30, I decided that I didn’t want to spend the rest of the day alone and I tried to hook up with several people. No one was available. I tried not to get too bummed out, but I knew I would spend all day Monday alone too and a small pity party started to creep in. I fought it as best I could, and ended the day reading in my chronological one year Bible.
Monday morning – woke up at 3:30 am and could not fall back to sleep. Laid in bed semi-praying for an hour, then decided to get up and shower. I mean – I felt wide awake.
After showering and dressing for the day, I sat on the couch with the Bible. Bad move – better to read at the desk. I ended up falling asleep on the couch until 7:45 – time for work.
Monday went downhill rapidly. Both at work and out of work the day filled up with just…. crap. That is the nicest term I can come up with for it… crap. A couple of disappointing personal emails, several aggravating phone conversations, the pile just keep getting bigger and Raquel kept getting crankier. I thought that 5pm would bring relief, but it didn’t. I typically don’t watch the news, but I did because of the record breaking weather. Something on the news sparked a Facebook debate (started by an acquaintance of mine) and I allowed myself to get sucked in. While engaged in that nonsense, I saw a post by a well known and well respected person that just shocked me to my core. I was appalled. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit kicked that self control into gear and I did not comment, because the words I had were sharp and hurtful. Though I said nothing, it took awhile to shake how shocked I was. It was the icing on the cake of crap for the day.
Notice something? Notice how 3 paragraphs ago I am talking about intimacy with God and noticing His rich blessings and love. Now, after a day and half of crap – my view of God is almost non-existent.
Obviously, this is not God’s fault. But what happened? How did I go from one extreme to the other so quickly? I think the answer is in the title of my new Bible study – Wonderstruck. I went from being wonderstruck with who God is to being wonderstruck (in a bad way) at how messed up this world is.
Now both aspects are certainly true. This world is one messed up place and we (including me) are one messed up people. Thus, the need for a Savior.
My downfall was allowing that ever growing pile of crap to obscure my view of a perfect God. I became so focused and flabbergasted with the nonsense that I lost the sense of awe that was so real and intimate less than 48 hours ago.
The story isn’t new – not for me or anyone else. The typical Peter: walking on water when his eyes are on Jesus, sinking in the storm when his eyes are on the waves.
I think God had me type this out so I could see how my downward spiral occurred. Now that I clearly see the need and purpose for it, I am excited to begin this Bible study. My hope is that I will get better and improve on staying wonderstruck with who God is and not get wrapped up in the mess of the world.
Jesus said that in this world we would have trouble, but He has overcome the world. (John 16:33) He is greater than that big pile of crap and my job is to turn my eyes to Him and then the things of this world will grow strangely dim – and I will grow … wonderstruck.
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Did God Really Say?
As I mentioned in yesterday’s post, I have had several blog topics on the stove. Some of them were a little heavy and I hesitated to post heavy stuff during Christmas. Plus, as I mentioned, I just wasn’t in a blogging mood. Tonight, some surprising events turned up on Facebook that turned up the heat on one of the burners of the stove - and a topic is boiling over, causing a blog post.
The thought for this blog post originated on December 10th, the evening I was in a classroom instead of at the All Worship Night. Due to bad weather, we had a final exam and a group speech presentation on the same night. My classmates and I got there early to rehearse our speech and load our power point on to the computer. About 20 minutes before the start of class, we sat down to do some last minute studying for the final exam.
A couple of students began chatting with the professor. The awkward part was that one student was on my left and the other was on my right and the professor was in front of me. They decided to bash the Catholic church. Ironic – sitting in a Catholic University. But whatever. I didn’t participate. I kept looking at my study guide. Their conversation morphed into bashing all churches, though they all admitted to attending one presently. Still looking at my study guide, I hear the professor say “well the Bible has errors in it.”
That made me sad, but I still didn’t look up. The girl to my left says “it’s all about love and peace”. I wanted to scream “no honey, the 60s were all about love and peace! The Bible is about Jesus.” Eventually, the professor noticed that I had been staring at the same paragraph on the study guide for 20 minutes and says to me: “I hope we are not offending you, Raquel”.
I was offended – but not with those three ladies. I was offended because once again I could sense the most horrific sound there has ever been – the sound of the enemy laughing. I could sense that sinister snicker as he continues to deceive people with the exact same lie used to deceive Eve in the Garden of Eden. He has been saying the same lie since the beginning of time, and we keep falling for it – making his job so easy.
Just before the holidays, North Way did a sermon series called Enemy in the Shadows and they discussed some of the enemy’s tactics. Pastor Kent spoke about the tools of deception and doubt. We all know the story … God puts Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. The garden was filled with trees of many kinds and God tells them they may eat the fruit of ANY tree in the garden EXCEPT one. That was it. Happy eating – just don’t eat from one tree. In Genesis 3 the enemy comes along and says “did God really say that you must not eat from ANY of the trees in the garden?”. Note how he twisted God’s words just slightly – but changed the whole meaning. God never said they couldn’t eat from any tree – in fact, He said have at it! Eat what you want – just stay away from one. The enemy makes it out like God is the big mean dictator depriving Adam and Eve of something good. Eve buys into this deception and takes it a step further. She told the enemy that God said they can’t even touch that tree. (He never said that). So what happened? The serpent deceives for the first time with “did God really say?” Adam and Eve doubted God, ate the fruit. The perfection that God intended for them was gone. Enter sin. Enter death. Enter toil. Enter sickness. Enter pain. Enter family division. Enter murder. Every single negative thing we deal with in our world today stems from disobedience – and the disobedience stems from buying a lie.
Oh let’s not get too upset with poor Eve. We do it every day. When my professor said that the Bible has errors in it – she was saying “did God really say?....” When my classmates was stuck in the 60s and thinking it was Biblical – she was really saying “did God really say… anything besides love and peace.”
The tragic thing is that God put a few rules in place – for our good. So that we could live a good, safe, fulfilling life with Him. Just like a parent who gives their teenager a curfew – its not to exercise authority, it’s to ensure the child’s safety. But our enemy is busy accusing God of being Hitler. And when we can’t imagine a loving God being Hitler, we go the opposite extreme and turn Him into Santa Claus.
Let’s take a hot button issue. Uh-oh – some of you may start to squirm or put up a wall of defense. But let’s look at the facts. Homosexuality. Here is what God says about it:
Lev. 18:22 ‘You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination."
Lev. 20:13 "If there is a man who lies with a male as those who lie with a woman, both of them have committed a detestable act
Did you catch what God really said? He said it’s a detestable ACT. He detests the ACTION. He dislikes HOMOSEXUALITY.
But our culture hears the enemy saying “did God really say He hates homosexuals??”
NO!!!! God never once said He hates homosexuals. He loves them – just like He loved the prostitutes and the thief that hung next to Him on the cross.
I can give several more examples but I think I have made the point.
It just saddens me when the enemy deceives people with that age old lie. It is even more sad when that lie works with Christians. Think it doesn’t?
Did God really say…. Wives submit to your husbands. Ephesians 5 – Yep, God really said. And God did not specify that it expired in the 1950s.
Did God really say… Woe to those who call evil good and good evil. Isaiah 5:20. Yep – God really said that.
Did God really say… Honor your father and mother…. Even when they forbid you to attend church, like mine did when I was 14. Yep – God really said.
I used that last one on purpose – to drive home a point. See the enemy deceives and causes us to doubt the heart of God. Most of my readers have heard my testimony. When my parents forbid me to go to church, I didn’t understand how God could possibly tell me to obey them. It didn’t make sense. I almost bought the lie of “did God really say..”. Thankfully, I had kind, caring, mature Christians from that church that reinforced it – yes, Raquel, God really said. And if you’re parents said you can’t come – then you cannot come. I obeyed. And after 9 months of obedience – I got a double blessing. My parents miraculously changed their minds, and I not only got to go back to church – I got to attend the church’s high school for my last 3 years. It was like God was saying – “yes, I really said to honor your father and mother. But I also said that obedience brings blessing”.
I didn’t type this blog to be a hell, fire, and brimstone message. I don’t do that – cause if I did I would have to be the first one in line for that hell and fire. I have sin in my life. The only difference is I call it sin – I don’t call it okay.
But here is the Good News. Though my classmate was wrong, the Bible is not all about love and peace, the Bible is a love story. It’s a story of God loving us and desiring a relationship with us – so badly that He sent His Son Jesus – to pay the price for every time we said “did God really say…” and then proceed in disobedience. The wages of sin is death. All of us deserve to die and be eternally separated from God. But we don’t have to. Jesus died our death for us – so that we may live, for eternity, but also in intimate relationship with Him now. All we have to do is accept it for ourselves. If someone has a million dollar debt that they have no way to pay and I have a million dollars and I offer it to them – the debt is not paid with just the offer. Until that person takes the money from my hand to theirs – it remains – an offer.
For my readers who have yet to accept that offer, I am praying for you. Praying that the lies of the enemy will be silenced and the deception that God is either Hitler or Santa Caus will be brought to light and that you will see and know the love God has for you and that you will accept that offer this year.
And for my readers who have already accepted Jesus’s offer for themselves, my prayer is that He would grant us discernment, and keep us from falling into the trap of “did God really say…” Because yes – from Genesis to Revelation… God really said.
The thought for this blog post originated on December 10th, the evening I was in a classroom instead of at the All Worship Night. Due to bad weather, we had a final exam and a group speech presentation on the same night. My classmates and I got there early to rehearse our speech and load our power point on to the computer. About 20 minutes before the start of class, we sat down to do some last minute studying for the final exam.
A couple of students began chatting with the professor. The awkward part was that one student was on my left and the other was on my right and the professor was in front of me. They decided to bash the Catholic church. Ironic – sitting in a Catholic University. But whatever. I didn’t participate. I kept looking at my study guide. Their conversation morphed into bashing all churches, though they all admitted to attending one presently. Still looking at my study guide, I hear the professor say “well the Bible has errors in it.”
That made me sad, but I still didn’t look up. The girl to my left says “it’s all about love and peace”. I wanted to scream “no honey, the 60s were all about love and peace! The Bible is about Jesus.” Eventually, the professor noticed that I had been staring at the same paragraph on the study guide for 20 minutes and says to me: “I hope we are not offending you, Raquel”.
I was offended – but not with those three ladies. I was offended because once again I could sense the most horrific sound there has ever been – the sound of the enemy laughing. I could sense that sinister snicker as he continues to deceive people with the exact same lie used to deceive Eve in the Garden of Eden. He has been saying the same lie since the beginning of time, and we keep falling for it – making his job so easy.
Just before the holidays, North Way did a sermon series called Enemy in the Shadows and they discussed some of the enemy’s tactics. Pastor Kent spoke about the tools of deception and doubt. We all know the story … God puts Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. The garden was filled with trees of many kinds and God tells them they may eat the fruit of ANY tree in the garden EXCEPT one. That was it. Happy eating – just don’t eat from one tree. In Genesis 3 the enemy comes along and says “did God really say that you must not eat from ANY of the trees in the garden?”. Note how he twisted God’s words just slightly – but changed the whole meaning. God never said they couldn’t eat from any tree – in fact, He said have at it! Eat what you want – just stay away from one. The enemy makes it out like God is the big mean dictator depriving Adam and Eve of something good. Eve buys into this deception and takes it a step further. She told the enemy that God said they can’t even touch that tree. (He never said that). So what happened? The serpent deceives for the first time with “did God really say?” Adam and Eve doubted God, ate the fruit. The perfection that God intended for them was gone. Enter sin. Enter death. Enter toil. Enter sickness. Enter pain. Enter family division. Enter murder. Every single negative thing we deal with in our world today stems from disobedience – and the disobedience stems from buying a lie.
Oh let’s not get too upset with poor Eve. We do it every day. When my professor said that the Bible has errors in it – she was saying “did God really say?....” When my classmates was stuck in the 60s and thinking it was Biblical – she was really saying “did God really say… anything besides love and peace.”
The tragic thing is that God put a few rules in place – for our good. So that we could live a good, safe, fulfilling life with Him. Just like a parent who gives their teenager a curfew – its not to exercise authority, it’s to ensure the child’s safety. But our enemy is busy accusing God of being Hitler. And when we can’t imagine a loving God being Hitler, we go the opposite extreme and turn Him into Santa Claus.
Let’s take a hot button issue. Uh-oh – some of you may start to squirm or put up a wall of defense. But let’s look at the facts. Homosexuality. Here is what God says about it:
Lev. 18:22 ‘You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination."
Lev. 20:13 "If there is a man who lies with a male as those who lie with a woman, both of them have committed a detestable act
Did you catch what God really said? He said it’s a detestable ACT. He detests the ACTION. He dislikes HOMOSEXUALITY.
But our culture hears the enemy saying “did God really say He hates homosexuals??”
NO!!!! God never once said He hates homosexuals. He loves them – just like He loved the prostitutes and the thief that hung next to Him on the cross.
I can give several more examples but I think I have made the point.
It just saddens me when the enemy deceives people with that age old lie. It is even more sad when that lie works with Christians. Think it doesn’t?
Did God really say…. Wives submit to your husbands. Ephesians 5 – Yep, God really said. And God did not specify that it expired in the 1950s.
Did God really say… Woe to those who call evil good and good evil. Isaiah 5:20. Yep – God really said that.
Did God really say… Honor your father and mother…. Even when they forbid you to attend church, like mine did when I was 14. Yep – God really said.
I used that last one on purpose – to drive home a point. See the enemy deceives and causes us to doubt the heart of God. Most of my readers have heard my testimony. When my parents forbid me to go to church, I didn’t understand how God could possibly tell me to obey them. It didn’t make sense. I almost bought the lie of “did God really say..”. Thankfully, I had kind, caring, mature Christians from that church that reinforced it – yes, Raquel, God really said. And if you’re parents said you can’t come – then you cannot come. I obeyed. And after 9 months of obedience – I got a double blessing. My parents miraculously changed their minds, and I not only got to go back to church – I got to attend the church’s high school for my last 3 years. It was like God was saying – “yes, I really said to honor your father and mother. But I also said that obedience brings blessing”.
I didn’t type this blog to be a hell, fire, and brimstone message. I don’t do that – cause if I did I would have to be the first one in line for that hell and fire. I have sin in my life. The only difference is I call it sin – I don’t call it okay.
But here is the Good News. Though my classmate was wrong, the Bible is not all about love and peace, the Bible is a love story. It’s a story of God loving us and desiring a relationship with us – so badly that He sent His Son Jesus – to pay the price for every time we said “did God really say…” and then proceed in disobedience. The wages of sin is death. All of us deserve to die and be eternally separated from God. But we don’t have to. Jesus died our death for us – so that we may live, for eternity, but also in intimate relationship with Him now. All we have to do is accept it for ourselves. If someone has a million dollar debt that they have no way to pay and I have a million dollars and I offer it to them – the debt is not paid with just the offer. Until that person takes the money from my hand to theirs – it remains – an offer.
For my readers who have yet to accept that offer, I am praying for you. Praying that the lies of the enemy will be silenced and the deception that God is either Hitler or Santa Caus will be brought to light and that you will see and know the love God has for you and that you will accept that offer this year.
And for my readers who have already accepted Jesus’s offer for themselves, my prayer is that He would grant us discernment, and keep us from falling into the trap of “did God really say…” Because yes – from Genesis to Revelation… God really said.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Remembering 2013
I have had several blog topics cooking for about a month now, but I haven't really been in the blogging mood. I guess those topics will remain on the stove for awhile.
Well it's New Years Day. As I posted in a status, I have never really understood all the hype around New Years. It's a new year - so what? We get new weeks, new months, and yes - a new day every day. We can draw a line in the sand and start fresh any day we choose. So I just don't get in to the hype. However, I do enjoy a day off to rest before the busy month begins.
I do like to take the time to reflect back on the past year for just a minute. My reflection this year was different that in previous years. I usually remember all the details of just about everything. This time, I really couldn't recall all that happened in 2013. Furthermore, the two main things that I could remember were negative. I know I did not have a "bad year". In fact, 2012 was much much much worse than 2013. So it bothered me that the two things I remembered were negative. I remember 2013 as the year that I missed two All Worship Nights. The other thing I remember is my surgery that I had on July 30 - the surgery that left my lifelong dream forever unfulfilled.
So obviously, I didn't want to remember 2013 by these two things. Around the middle of December, I asked the Lord to help me to remember the year by something good. He exceeded my expectations once again - and in a subtle, small way that would seem inconsequential to most folks, but meant the world to me.
I got a Christmas card from a friend. Actually, I got many Christmas cards from several friends. But one was more than a Christmas card. It was three sentences coming from a friend that typically doesn't express herself with words. This card meant the world to me. I normally keep several of the Christmas cards I get - especially if they have pictures or personal messages in them. I keep them in a pretty box and each year when I got to put new ones in the box, I look through previous years. This card, isn't going in the box, it's going in my Bible. It's going in a place where I will see it regularly and allow it lift my spirits when I am down on myself. And... in the next year or so, when I think of 2013, I will think of it as "the year I got that card". I hope my friend knows how loved and appreciated she is.
In regard to ending a year and beginning another... this is my testimony for my past, my present, and my future:
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases.
His mercies never come to an end.
They are new every morning
Great is Thy faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:22-23
Well it's New Years Day. As I posted in a status, I have never really understood all the hype around New Years. It's a new year - so what? We get new weeks, new months, and yes - a new day every day. We can draw a line in the sand and start fresh any day we choose. So I just don't get in to the hype. However, I do enjoy a day off to rest before the busy month begins.
I do like to take the time to reflect back on the past year for just a minute. My reflection this year was different that in previous years. I usually remember all the details of just about everything. This time, I really couldn't recall all that happened in 2013. Furthermore, the two main things that I could remember were negative. I know I did not have a "bad year". In fact, 2012 was much much much worse than 2013. So it bothered me that the two things I remembered were negative. I remember 2013 as the year that I missed two All Worship Nights. The other thing I remember is my surgery that I had on July 30 - the surgery that left my lifelong dream forever unfulfilled.
So obviously, I didn't want to remember 2013 by these two things. Around the middle of December, I asked the Lord to help me to remember the year by something good. He exceeded my expectations once again - and in a subtle, small way that would seem inconsequential to most folks, but meant the world to me.
I got a Christmas card from a friend. Actually, I got many Christmas cards from several friends. But one was more than a Christmas card. It was three sentences coming from a friend that typically doesn't express herself with words. This card meant the world to me. I normally keep several of the Christmas cards I get - especially if they have pictures or personal messages in them. I keep them in a pretty box and each year when I got to put new ones in the box, I look through previous years. This card, isn't going in the box, it's going in my Bible. It's going in a place where I will see it regularly and allow it lift my spirits when I am down on myself. And... in the next year or so, when I think of 2013, I will think of it as "the year I got that card". I hope my friend knows how loved and appreciated she is.
In regard to ending a year and beginning another... this is my testimony for my past, my present, and my future:
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases.
His mercies never come to an end.
They are new every morning
Great is Thy faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:22-23
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