Wonder Struck

Most of my blogs are written in the evenings. I don’t typically blog in the morning because when I wake up on time, that time is reserved for communication with the Lord.
This morning though, I feel like I need to blog to sort out what I believe God is showing me.

I got a new Bible study to hold me over until the Beth Moore Womens Bible Study begins in February. I have never heard of Margaret Feinberg before, but she is a member of LifeWay and I stumbled across her Bible study – Wonderstruck: Awaken to the Nearness of God”. The focus of the study is to help people who fall into a rut and start just going through the motions of Christianity without the spark and vibrancy that a relationship with God is meant to have. So it caught my attention and I decided to begin it this morning.

I couldn’t get past the first question. God would not let me just answer and move on – it was something to ponder and discuss with Him. The first question was: what takes away the wonder of God in your life? She gave the examples of busyness and responsibility and asked us to add our own. I could have written several answers, but God asked me to recall my last 48 hours – and when I thought about them, I was ashamed of myself.

Forty-eight hours ago, I was on my way to church. I was feeling neutral about it – wasn’t excited, wasn’t dreading it – just kinda doing what I do on a Sunday morning. Worship ended up being extra sweet. It does not happen every week but it was one of those intimate worship times where I forgot that I was in a room full of people. It was just me and the Lord – I forgot everything and everyone else. See when I really stop and look at who He is, and the fact that He has invited me into a personal relationship with Him, I really am “wonderstruck” and the rest of the details of my life seem inconsequential.

Worship was followed by a message that I really needed – I was wondering if Pastor Jay knew that there were other people in the room besides me. Lol. Church was followed by breakfast with two friends that I could not possibly love more than I do. I am often wonderstruck when I consider that God blessed with me with a good friendship with them and not just a casual acquaintance. It’s one of the ways He reminds me of His love for me.

So then I went home and did some housework for a few hours. Around 4:30, I decided that I didn’t want to spend the rest of the day alone and I tried to hook up with several people. No one was available. I tried not to get too bummed out, but I knew I would spend all day Monday alone too and a small pity party started to creep in. I fought it as best I could, and ended the day reading in my chronological one year Bible.

Monday morning – woke up at 3:30 am and could not fall back to sleep. Laid in bed semi-praying for an hour, then decided to get up and shower. I mean – I felt wide awake.
After showering and dressing for the day, I sat on the couch with the Bible. Bad move – better to read at the desk. I ended up falling asleep on the couch until 7:45 – time for work.
Monday went downhill rapidly. Both at work and out of work the day filled up with just…. crap. That is the nicest term I can come up with for it… crap. A couple of disappointing personal emails, several aggravating phone conversations, the pile just keep getting bigger and Raquel kept getting crankier. I thought that 5pm would bring relief, but it didn’t. I typically don’t watch the news, but I did because of the record breaking weather. Something on the news sparked a Facebook debate (started by an acquaintance of mine) and I allowed myself to get sucked in. While engaged in that nonsense, I saw a post by a well known and well respected person that just shocked me to my core. I was appalled. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit kicked that self control into gear and I did not comment, because the words I had were sharp and hurtful. Though I said nothing, it took awhile to shake how shocked I was. It was the icing on the cake of crap for the day.

Notice something? Notice how 3 paragraphs ago I am talking about intimacy with God and noticing His rich blessings and love. Now, after a day and half of crap – my view of God is almost non-existent.

Obviously, this is not God’s fault. But what happened? How did I go from one extreme to the other so quickly? I think the answer is in the title of my new Bible study – Wonderstruck. I went from being wonderstruck with who God is to being wonderstruck (in a bad way) at how messed up this world is.

Now both aspects are certainly true. This world is one messed up place and we (including me) are one messed up people. Thus, the need for a Savior.
My downfall was allowing that ever growing pile of crap to obscure my view of a perfect God. I became so focused and flabbergasted with the nonsense that I lost the sense of awe that was so real and intimate less than 48 hours ago.

The story isn’t new – not for me or anyone else. The typical Peter: walking on water when his eyes are on Jesus, sinking in the storm when his eyes are on the waves.

I think God had me type this out so I could see how my downward spiral occurred. Now that I clearly see the need and purpose for it, I am excited to begin this Bible study. My hope is that I will get better and improve on staying wonderstruck with who God is and not get wrapped up in the mess of the world.

Jesus said that in this world we would have trouble, but He has overcome the world. (John 16:33) He is greater than that big pile of crap and my job is to turn my eyes to Him and then the things of this world will grow strangely dim – and I will grow … wonderstruck.