It’s Thanksgiving Day and obviously I have so much to be thankful for. I can list all the usual stuff: Jesus, family, friends, church, etc. This morning however, the thing that I am most thankful for is a little unusual. I am thankful for the promise of Romans 8. No, I do not mean Romans 8:28, though I am thankful for that too. I am speaking of Romans 8:1. There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
Why am I rehearsing this Scripture on Thanksgiving morning? Honestly, because it has saved me this week and has given me renewed hope.
About two weeks, God revealed to me, much to my unhappy surprise, that I have a big nasty sin in my life. This sin is the root of many of my other surface level issues. It’s the sin of pride. I have never considered myself a prideful person. It was honestly the last thing I thought my problem was. For Pete’s sake, I am the one who has struggled with low-self esteem and insecurity. How could I possibly have the sin of pride? I have always thought of pride as being haughty or arrogant. Self-boastful. Puffed-up. I am not those things, at least I hope not. Oh, but sin is often subtler. So subtle, in fact, that it sometimes takes the flashlight of the Holy Spirit to cause you to see how hideous it actually is.
I honestly had no idea how much my pride affects various areas of my life. I was raised in a very strict environment. I am actually thankful for that. In my home, in the church where I began my Christian walk, and even in my Bible College, when you did not tow the line there were consequences. No one got away with anything. Lord knows I needed that kind of training. However, since those “boot camp” days, I often struggle when I see folks getting away with things that I would have been corrected for. Even things as small as fast food restaurants. During my Bible College years, I worked at Burger King. We were timed. From the time a car pulled up to the drive thru window, we had four minutes to have them pull away with their food. When we missed that deadline, a buzzer would go off and heads would fly. If deadlines were missed 3 times, you lost your job. Now, there is nothing fast about fast food and each time I wait in a drive thru and watch these apathetic kids moving like thick sludge, I get inwardly angry that they are not facing the same consequence that I did. It’s a silly thing to get upset about, but I often want to be able to take charge and give them a consequence like I had.
Speaking of taking charge, this pride is my besetting sin at my job. For over 20 years, all my supervisors have told me that I am territorial with my work and I do not like to share my workload with others. If I am painfully honest here, it is because I do not trust anyone to do the work as well as I can. I am not perfect with my work. I make mistakes. When I am out of the office and a co-worker handles my job, I often come back and look at the work they did and get irritated with it. It’s not because they did it wrong, they simply did it differently than I would do it – so to me, its wrong.
In both current and former places of employment, I have been known as the Kitchen Nazi. I inflict my OCD tendencies on everyone. In my current office, the staff members rotate kitchen duty. Each week, someone is responsible for cleaning the kitchen in the evenings, and emptying the dishwasher each morning. My department works an earlier shift than the rest of the office and each morning I unload the dishwasher – to ensure that it is done correctly. One days that I am off, I have seen folks commit heinous crimes of putting teaspoons together with tablespoons, sharp knives in the same slot as butter knives, and similar types of mugs and glasses mixed together in the cabinets. Well, who can think about portfolio accounting with such atrocities occurring? So, I come in each morning and do it myself and then confidently sit at my desk knowing everything is as it should be. Often times, the person on duty will come and thank me, thinking I was just helping them out. I don’t do it for them, I do it for me. Pride.
None of these things showed me how huge and intense my sin actually is. A few days ago, however, the Holy Spirit exchanged His flashlight for a spotlight and the size and ugliness of my sin left me shocked and devastated. My sin nearly ruined the best night of the year – All Worship Night. The Tuesday before Thanksgiving is my favorite day of the year. Ninety minutes of non-stop corporate worship with more intensity and fervor than our typical weekly services. It is as close to heaven as you can get on earth, a picture of what we will do for eternity.
This year, my circumstances were a little different because I am in a new small group and we decided to sit together and go to dinner afterwards. The event is always crowded and seats are first come, first serve. I was there an hour early to save seats for my group – which is a stressful task. I had asked my group how many seats to save and I was told 7. I had the contents of my purse strewn over a row of seats for an hour and I was guarding them with my life (or the lives of others that might have tried to sit down). This is not the way to prepare your heart for worship.
During my teenage and young adult years, I was richly educated in corporate worship. I understood it from a Biblical perspective and I have studied it in depth. I know its more than just singing songs. I specifically remember my youth leader teaching us that you need to prepare your heart to enter into corporate worship. You can’t walk in late, talk to folks and then all of sudden magically appear in the Holy of Holies consumed with worship. (that’s not how this works, that’s not how any of this works). I was taught to respect corporate worship and also to respect spiritual leadership. When I didn’t show respect, I was corrected – sometimes publicly.
In my mind, I hold others to the standards that I was held to, and when they violate these standards, I react the same way I do to slow fast food workers. I want them to be corrected like I was. Moreover, I struggle with not allowing the actions of others to distract me from worship. I can’t focus on the Lord when others walk in late and walk around me or when people are talking to each other after worship begins. Now, I do think folks should learn to respect corporate worship and not be a distraction to others. However, I cannot change them. I can only change myself – and I have not discovered a way to not allow them to distract me.
While I was guarding a row of seats, people waited until 2 minutes before the start of the service to come in. Then, we had more than seven people needing seats. I didn’t mind others sitting with us, but I was not informed and so minutes before worship is supposed to begin, we are figuring out seats – and not focused on preparing our hearts for worship. At 7:02 (in Bible College, I was taught that if you are 5 minutes early, you are 10 minutes late), folks are still walking in and wanting to say hello while worship is getting started. The time to say hello is at 6:45, not 7:02. By this time, my heart is so far from worship – my heart is inundated with sin. I attempted to repent, ask God’s forgiveness, and focus on worship. Each time I tried to focus, someone around me was talking, either to me or to someone else around us. Our worship leader was teaching us a principle and folks were talking to each other while he was talking. I wanted to say to them “why are you disrespecting the worship leader?” It’s what would have been said to me. The congregation is ascending in worship and Raquel is not in one mind and one accord. She was strangled and restrained by her sin of pride. For an hour, I kept trying to focus. I kept hearing the Scripture verse “you worship Me with your lips, but your heart is far from Me”. I just wanted to go home, defeated and devastated. Try as I may, I could not fix myself. Then my thoughts began to spiral. I am about to go on a mission trip. Am I even a Christian? I cannot take this hideous ugly sin to Cambodia. (you know, cause sin on foreign soil must be worse than sin in your homeland… insert eye roll here).
The best night of year was becoming one of the worse nights of my life. I felt hopeless because I couldn’t fix myself. I could not just will myself to think and feel differently. I started to see my sin as a hideous monster with many tentacles. These tentacles were reaching to multiple areas of my life, destroying my Christian character, ruining my witness, possibly damaging relationships….
I couldn’t even pray anymore. I began to do the only thing I knew to do. I began to simply call the name Jesus. I kept whispering Jesus over and over. I was a SOS cry for help.
I called. He answered. And He came to my rescue. We began to sing a song that I have never heard before. A few verses of the lyrics caught me:
God of salvation
You chased down my heart through all of my failure and pride
On a hill You created
The light of the world abandoned in darkness to die
And as You speak
A hundred billion failures disappear
Where You lost Your life so I could find it here
If You left the grave behind You, so will I
I can see Your heart in everything You've done
Every part designed in a work of art called love
If You gladly chose surrender, so will I
I had felt like I had a hundred billion failures. The song actually spoke of failure and pride. But God has chased after my heart even with this ugly sin in it. And through Jesus’s death on the cross, He did what I could not do, He defeated that monster.
I know that Jesus has paid the price for my sin of pride. I know He has forgiven me. I also know He has conquered that sin. But I still struggle with it. The war has been won, but the battle rages on. So, this morning, on Thanksgiving morning, I turned to the familiar portion of Scripture in Romans 7. Verse 14 says: “the trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead I do what I hate.” Verses 18 and 19 continue: I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong but I do it anyway…. It is sin living in me that does it.” Verse 24: “What a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life of sin and death?”
Here comes the hope! Verse 25: “Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord.”
Jesus defeated the power of sin on the cross. It is now the work of the Holy Spirit to transform me into the likeness and character of Jesus. Romans 8:5 tells me my role in this. It says that those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit. Letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. It is my job to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. That isn’t easy. It takes work and discipline. But as I take every thought captive, the Holy Spirit will do His part in transforming me from the inside out. That process is called sanctification. The awesome thing is, when this pride is fully uprooted and no evidence of it remains in me, all will know that it was the work of the Holy Spirit, for only He had enough power to overcome and transform.
Ironically, I had just had a conversation with someone about pageant dramas we used to do in my former church. I was a banner carrier. We had the "Jehovah banners". Each one contained a name of God. Jehovah Jireh - The Lord our Provider. Jehovah Rapha - The Lord our Healer. My banner was Jehovah M'Kaddesh - The Lord our Sanctification. It has been decades since my hands have held that red pole and hoisted up that shiny red cloth. But make no mistake - that is still my banner! The spirit realm sees it everyday and it reminds the enemy of Jesus's defeat of sin in my life. And it reminds me.
So, this Thanksgiving, I am thankful that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. And I am thankful for the truth of another new song that we heard on All Worship Night, the song that finally freed me to worship. The song is called Reckless Love.
When I was Your foe, still Your love fought for me
You have been so, so good to me
When I felt no worth, You paid it all for me
You have been so, so kind to me
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
Oh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the ninety-nine
I couldn't earn it, and I don't deserve it, still, You give Yourself away
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God!
Thursday, November 23, 2017
Saturday, November 4, 2017
Shattered - Lessons Learned Through Grief, Loss, and Pain
November 5, 2016. One year ago, I received an invitation to breakfast at Cracker Barrell – one of my favorite breakfast restaurants. I was excited. The excitement didn’t last long. It was over breakfast that I received the news that left me completely and utterly shattered. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. I did nothing the rest of the day but sit on the couch and sob. I could barely pray… thankfully, uttering the name of Jesus was prayer enough.
In the days and weeks following, I tried to survive on being a good Christian. I worshiped, I prayed, I quoted Scripture to myself all day long. I knew all the promises of Scripture. I knew God loved me. I knew He wants what is best for me. I knew there was one set of footprints… but the grief was unbearable. For weeks I was grateful that my office had a door, for I had to close it many times when the tears wouldn’t respect the fact that I was at work. I had plenty of family and friends who loved me. However, they were unable to fully understand my pain and their well-intended words ran like water off a duck’s back.
My world became darker and darker until finally I swallowed my pride and went for professional counseling. The healing process was slow but sure. Gradually, light came back and pushed out the darkness. For months though, the smallest thing could bring a lump in my throat and tears out of nowhere.
Ironically, a year later, I find myself dealing with similar feelings. No, the circumstance is not the same, nor is it anywhere near as severe, but the hurt is similar and the pain just as real. Once again, it is something that no human can fully understand, unless they have been through it themselves. The good news is, although I am dealing with a similar type of pain, I am not the same person I was a year ago. I am wiser and perhaps a bit stronger.
Every Christian knows that God is the Potter and we are the clay. He is continually molding and shaping us to be more and more like Jesus. Sometimes, that process is gentle and we barely notice it. Sometimes, He must press a little harder and life gets uncomfortable. And sometimes, the only way the Potter can get the desired result is to break us and start over. I don’t believe that God causes or brings us pain. I do believe that pain is a tool in our Potter’s hands and sometimes we have to be completely shattered so that He can rebuild and restore us. The rebuilt and restored version is most often stronger and more beautiful.
I have learned so much from that dark time. I think the most valuable lesson I learned is now helping me to process this current difficult season. It may sound simple and obvious, but I have learned that is okay to grieve. It is okay to be sad, to be hurt, to cry, to feel lonely. It’s okay to feel like no one understands – because they don’t. Proverbs 14:10 says: “each heart knows its own bitterness and no one else can share its joy”. Even the most loving and caring individuals simply cannot understand the pain of our hearts; it’s not that they don’t want to, they are simply incapable.
I can hear someone saying “but God understands”. This leads me to the second thing I have learned. I have learned to not let the cliché’s hurt me. Oh they used to – and I had a comeback for each one.
“The Lord gives and Lord takes away” - Yes, but loss still hurts
“The Lord has something better for you” - Um, okay but I may not feel like its “better” until I
reach the Pearly Gates.
“You deserve_______ fill in the blank” - You know, it hurts to hear that I deserve something
that I do not have. If I deserved it, wouldn’t I have it?
“God loves you and is always with you” - No duh. When your kids were hurting, did their
knowledge that you loved them take their pain away?
“God works everything for our good” - Again, no duh. It doesn’t say all things ARE good.
And then there is my absolute favorite…..
“Jesus is all you need” - I cannot type my responses to this. But I have since
repented for them.
No honey. Jesus is not all you need. When you are physically hungry, knowledge of Jesus and His love for you and His continual presence with you does not take away the hunger pains – only food can do that. When you are physically cold, your body needs heat. The love of Jesus may warm your heart, but your body needs physical heat when it is cold.
Along the same lines, when you are lonely or grieving a loss, the love and presence of Jesus does not remove the pain. We understand this when a physical death has occurred – we would never tell a widow that God is enough for them. For some reason, when loss other than death occurs, we are quick to remind folks that God is always with them and will never leave them or forsake them. It’s true – but not helpful.
All these clichés, though true, do little but bring guilt on the one who is already suffering. It causes us to feel like our faith is weak, like we are not trusting God enough, like we don’t have the right to be sad because we are Christians and Christians should be joyful.
Thanks be to God, I have been delivered from the sting of these clichés. I realize they come from people who love me and try their best to help. I think one day I shall write a book: “Silly Stabs From Sweet Souls”.
Which leads me to the final thing I learned through being shattered. I have learned to have hope.
The pain that I had last year has passed. Yes, it passed like a kidney stone, but it passed. The pain I am in right now, will pass – probably like another kidney stone, but it will pass. We learned in Beth Moore’s study of the book of Daniel that sometimes the Lord delivers us from the fire and sometimes He delivers us THROUGH the fire. But we always pass through. As Christians, we can have joy while in sorrow. I am not talking about the kind of joy that acts happy when you’re crushed in pain. We can be joyful IN HOPE. Romans 12:12 tells us to be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer.
My favorite book of the Bible, Ecclesiastes, tells us that there is a time and season for everything. I time to be born and a time to die, a time to laugh and time to mourn, etc. This is why we can be joyful in hope – because we know that our pain is only for a season. It will end. For those who have lost a loved one to death, that pain may never fully end until we join them in heaven – but it will end. I am reminded of the verse from Amazing Grace: “the Lord has promised good to me, His Word my hope secures”. If everything was good, we would not need His Word to secure our hope. But we can be secure in that hope – even in the midst of grief, loss, and pain. And when we are in the midst of grief, loss, and pain – it is okay to be sad. It is okay to cry. It is okay to feel pain and even to long for what we have lost.
Yes, God will rebuild. God will restore. God will redeem. He will make something beautiful from your shattered pieces. You’ll be stronger, wiser, more like Jesus. You will eventually be able to say “it was good for me that I was afflicted” because you will see the refining work of pain and you will be drawn closer to the Potter through the process. But the process hurts more than words can describe. It’s okay to grieve.
And folks, if you love someone who is grieving. Just be there. Don’t analyze their reaction to the situation. Don’t minimize what they are feeling because you don’t understand it or can’t relate to it. Don’t try to encourage them or cheer them up – you can’t. You may unintentionally hurt them in the process. Just be there. Call or text frequently. Let them know they are on your radar. And be joyful in hope along with them.
In the days and weeks following, I tried to survive on being a good Christian. I worshiped, I prayed, I quoted Scripture to myself all day long. I knew all the promises of Scripture. I knew God loved me. I knew He wants what is best for me. I knew there was one set of footprints… but the grief was unbearable. For weeks I was grateful that my office had a door, for I had to close it many times when the tears wouldn’t respect the fact that I was at work. I had plenty of family and friends who loved me. However, they were unable to fully understand my pain and their well-intended words ran like water off a duck’s back.
My world became darker and darker until finally I swallowed my pride and went for professional counseling. The healing process was slow but sure. Gradually, light came back and pushed out the darkness. For months though, the smallest thing could bring a lump in my throat and tears out of nowhere.
Ironically, a year later, I find myself dealing with similar feelings. No, the circumstance is not the same, nor is it anywhere near as severe, but the hurt is similar and the pain just as real. Once again, it is something that no human can fully understand, unless they have been through it themselves. The good news is, although I am dealing with a similar type of pain, I am not the same person I was a year ago. I am wiser and perhaps a bit stronger.
Every Christian knows that God is the Potter and we are the clay. He is continually molding and shaping us to be more and more like Jesus. Sometimes, that process is gentle and we barely notice it. Sometimes, He must press a little harder and life gets uncomfortable. And sometimes, the only way the Potter can get the desired result is to break us and start over. I don’t believe that God causes or brings us pain. I do believe that pain is a tool in our Potter’s hands and sometimes we have to be completely shattered so that He can rebuild and restore us. The rebuilt and restored version is most often stronger and more beautiful.
I have learned so much from that dark time. I think the most valuable lesson I learned is now helping me to process this current difficult season. It may sound simple and obvious, but I have learned that is okay to grieve. It is okay to be sad, to be hurt, to cry, to feel lonely. It’s okay to feel like no one understands – because they don’t. Proverbs 14:10 says: “each heart knows its own bitterness and no one else can share its joy”. Even the most loving and caring individuals simply cannot understand the pain of our hearts; it’s not that they don’t want to, they are simply incapable.
I can hear someone saying “but God understands”. This leads me to the second thing I have learned. I have learned to not let the cliché’s hurt me. Oh they used to – and I had a comeback for each one.
“The Lord gives and Lord takes away” - Yes, but loss still hurts
“The Lord has something better for you” - Um, okay but I may not feel like its “better” until I
reach the Pearly Gates.
“You deserve_______ fill in the blank” - You know, it hurts to hear that I deserve something
that I do not have. If I deserved it, wouldn’t I have it?
“God loves you and is always with you” - No duh. When your kids were hurting, did their
knowledge that you loved them take their pain away?
“God works everything for our good” - Again, no duh. It doesn’t say all things ARE good.
And then there is my absolute favorite…..
“Jesus is all you need” - I cannot type my responses to this. But I have since
repented for them.
No honey. Jesus is not all you need. When you are physically hungry, knowledge of Jesus and His love for you and His continual presence with you does not take away the hunger pains – only food can do that. When you are physically cold, your body needs heat. The love of Jesus may warm your heart, but your body needs physical heat when it is cold.
Along the same lines, when you are lonely or grieving a loss, the love and presence of Jesus does not remove the pain. We understand this when a physical death has occurred – we would never tell a widow that God is enough for them. For some reason, when loss other than death occurs, we are quick to remind folks that God is always with them and will never leave them or forsake them. It’s true – but not helpful.
All these clichés, though true, do little but bring guilt on the one who is already suffering. It causes us to feel like our faith is weak, like we are not trusting God enough, like we don’t have the right to be sad because we are Christians and Christians should be joyful.
Thanks be to God, I have been delivered from the sting of these clichés. I realize they come from people who love me and try their best to help. I think one day I shall write a book: “Silly Stabs From Sweet Souls”.
Which leads me to the final thing I learned through being shattered. I have learned to have hope.
The pain that I had last year has passed. Yes, it passed like a kidney stone, but it passed. The pain I am in right now, will pass – probably like another kidney stone, but it will pass. We learned in Beth Moore’s study of the book of Daniel that sometimes the Lord delivers us from the fire and sometimes He delivers us THROUGH the fire. But we always pass through. As Christians, we can have joy while in sorrow. I am not talking about the kind of joy that acts happy when you’re crushed in pain. We can be joyful IN HOPE. Romans 12:12 tells us to be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer.
My favorite book of the Bible, Ecclesiastes, tells us that there is a time and season for everything. I time to be born and a time to die, a time to laugh and time to mourn, etc. This is why we can be joyful in hope – because we know that our pain is only for a season. It will end. For those who have lost a loved one to death, that pain may never fully end until we join them in heaven – but it will end. I am reminded of the verse from Amazing Grace: “the Lord has promised good to me, His Word my hope secures”. If everything was good, we would not need His Word to secure our hope. But we can be secure in that hope – even in the midst of grief, loss, and pain. And when we are in the midst of grief, loss, and pain – it is okay to be sad. It is okay to cry. It is okay to feel pain and even to long for what we have lost.
Yes, God will rebuild. God will restore. God will redeem. He will make something beautiful from your shattered pieces. You’ll be stronger, wiser, more like Jesus. You will eventually be able to say “it was good for me that I was afflicted” because you will see the refining work of pain and you will be drawn closer to the Potter through the process. But the process hurts more than words can describe. It’s okay to grieve.
And folks, if you love someone who is grieving. Just be there. Don’t analyze their reaction to the situation. Don’t minimize what they are feeling because you don’t understand it or can’t relate to it. Don’t try to encourage them or cheer them up – you can’t. You may unintentionally hurt them in the process. Just be there. Call or text frequently. Let them know they are on your radar. And be joyful in hope along with them.
Monday, October 23, 2017
Child-like Faith
This morning I woke up before the alarm went off. Having my priorities straight, the first thing I did was tap my phone and look at the Facebook newsfeed. It was there that I received the news that Dr. David Minor, Sr. of Gospel Tabernacle in Coudersport, PA had passed away. Thinking about him and the many lives he impacted, my thoughts then wandered to our own Pastor Freedom Blackwell, who is also in the presence of Jesus. I remembered how often he would say: “this is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.” He didn’t just say it, he lived it. Even throughout his battle and eventual loss to cancer, he knew that God had made every day and even though all of our circumstances were not good, the day was guided by our good, good Father and that was reason to rejoice.
And then there is me. I don’t naturally think that way. Left to my own devices, my thoughts become consumed with what I like, what I don’t like, and what I want to change. If I am brutally honest, sometimes I feel I can help God out a bit, and inform Him how the days can be better and what He can do to fix it. In any case, rejoicing is not always at the top of my to-do list. So, as I laid in bed this morning, I chastised myself for not being more like Pastor Freedom.
Then I got up, made my bed (again, priorities) and headed upstairs to my “War Room” to spend time with the Lord. As I made my way to the place I set up for these moments, I passed a nook that contains games and other things I use when I have my mentee. Included in this nook is a small collection of vintage Strawberry Shortcake dolls. These were my absolute favorite toy as a child. I lived in the land of Strawberry Shortcake. I smiled when I saw the dolls, but I didn’t think they had anything to do with my time with the Lord so I sat down and began to pray. I read through Philippians – the book I turn to when I need to adjust my stinkin thinkin, and I prayed for the Holy Spirit to continue to transform me. Two things were stuck in my head – and I can probably bet these two things have never been combined in the same sentence: Pastor Freedom and Strawberry Shortcake dolls! I kept dismissing the thoughts, thinking they were keeping me from focusing on the Lord. However, in prayer they kept coming back so I asked the Lord if He was trying to show me something.
He asked me why I loved those Strawberry Shortcake dolls. It is not because they were my favorite childhood toy. It is because of what they represent. They represent the happiest time of my life. The time when I perceived the world to be perfect. The time before I understood what problems were.
For the first 9 years of my life, it was just me and my mom - no dad, no siblings. Other people came and went, but my mom was the constant. There were the usual ups and downs, but as far as my young eyes could tell, life was perfect. It really wasn’t, but I didn’t know that. We were poor, but I had no idea. I wasn’t hungry. I had clothing and shelter. I had fun things to play with (Strawberry Shortcakes), and most of all I wasn’t hungry for love. I was my mother’s world. I needed nothing. I was happy. I wasn’t trying to make life better or wish for things I didn’t have. I was simply enjoying life. Why? Because my mother loved me and she had all the important stuff of life under control. I had nothing to worry about – it was her concern. I was her concern and I trusted her completely. I had some bad moments, scary moments, but overall life was great. She was controlling, I was enjoying. Ah what bliss.
So, what does any of this have to do with Pastor Freedom? Pastor Freedom had child-like faith. Even when moments were bad or scary, he knew his Daddy had everything under control. That knowledge left him free to simply enjoy life – and leave the controlling and the outcome to the One who was in charge, the One who loved him and cared for him and provided for his every need. That is why he was able to say and live, with joy and with confidence, “this is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it”.
When I was young, I had childlike faith – in my mother. This morning God showed me that I need that same child-like faith in Him. Oh man, if I can truly put that child-like faith into practice, how much easier, less-stressful, and enjoyable life would be.
I’m a grown up now (chronologically, anyway). I have responsibilities. I cannot spend my day playing. However, I also do not need to spend my day stressing, worrying, controlling, fixing, and trying to make life “right”. It’s not my job. When I take it on like it’s my job, I become burdened and unhappy.
This morning God comforted me with warm memories of my childhood with mom, now memorialized by a few vintage dolls. With that memory, He brought the encouragement that He is now handling all my affairs. This is the day that the Lord has made. I am free to rejoice and be glad in it… with childlike faith.
And then there is me. I don’t naturally think that way. Left to my own devices, my thoughts become consumed with what I like, what I don’t like, and what I want to change. If I am brutally honest, sometimes I feel I can help God out a bit, and inform Him how the days can be better and what He can do to fix it. In any case, rejoicing is not always at the top of my to-do list. So, as I laid in bed this morning, I chastised myself for not being more like Pastor Freedom.
Then I got up, made my bed (again, priorities) and headed upstairs to my “War Room” to spend time with the Lord. As I made my way to the place I set up for these moments, I passed a nook that contains games and other things I use when I have my mentee. Included in this nook is a small collection of vintage Strawberry Shortcake dolls. These were my absolute favorite toy as a child. I lived in the land of Strawberry Shortcake. I smiled when I saw the dolls, but I didn’t think they had anything to do with my time with the Lord so I sat down and began to pray. I read through Philippians – the book I turn to when I need to adjust my stinkin thinkin, and I prayed for the Holy Spirit to continue to transform me. Two things were stuck in my head – and I can probably bet these two things have never been combined in the same sentence: Pastor Freedom and Strawberry Shortcake dolls! I kept dismissing the thoughts, thinking they were keeping me from focusing on the Lord. However, in prayer they kept coming back so I asked the Lord if He was trying to show me something.
He asked me why I loved those Strawberry Shortcake dolls. It is not because they were my favorite childhood toy. It is because of what they represent. They represent the happiest time of my life. The time when I perceived the world to be perfect. The time before I understood what problems were.
For the first 9 years of my life, it was just me and my mom - no dad, no siblings. Other people came and went, but my mom was the constant. There were the usual ups and downs, but as far as my young eyes could tell, life was perfect. It really wasn’t, but I didn’t know that. We were poor, but I had no idea. I wasn’t hungry. I had clothing and shelter. I had fun things to play with (Strawberry Shortcakes), and most of all I wasn’t hungry for love. I was my mother’s world. I needed nothing. I was happy. I wasn’t trying to make life better or wish for things I didn’t have. I was simply enjoying life. Why? Because my mother loved me and she had all the important stuff of life under control. I had nothing to worry about – it was her concern. I was her concern and I trusted her completely. I had some bad moments, scary moments, but overall life was great. She was controlling, I was enjoying. Ah what bliss.
So, what does any of this have to do with Pastor Freedom? Pastor Freedom had child-like faith. Even when moments were bad or scary, he knew his Daddy had everything under control. That knowledge left him free to simply enjoy life – and leave the controlling and the outcome to the One who was in charge, the One who loved him and cared for him and provided for his every need. That is why he was able to say and live, with joy and with confidence, “this is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it”.
When I was young, I had childlike faith – in my mother. This morning God showed me that I need that same child-like faith in Him. Oh man, if I can truly put that child-like faith into practice, how much easier, less-stressful, and enjoyable life would be.
I’m a grown up now (chronologically, anyway). I have responsibilities. I cannot spend my day playing. However, I also do not need to spend my day stressing, worrying, controlling, fixing, and trying to make life “right”. It’s not my job. When I take it on like it’s my job, I become burdened and unhappy.
This morning God comforted me with warm memories of my childhood with mom, now memorialized by a few vintage dolls. With that memory, He brought the encouragement that He is now handling all my affairs. This is the day that the Lord has made. I am free to rejoice and be glad in it… with childlike faith.
Wednesday, July 5, 2017
Coincidence? I Think Not!
During my last blog post, I mentioned that I needed to blog more often in order to process what God is speaking to me and doing in my life. In keeping with that decision, I am excited to share about an answer to prayer that I received today. The funny thing is – I didn’t realize it was an answer to prayer until hours after it occurred. Let the story begin…
To anyone who knows me, it is no secret that I despise summer. I abhor heat. I have been this way since my childhood. What some folks do not know, is that my doctor has actually diagnosed me with Reverse Seasonal Affective Disorder. Each summer, I get extremely lethargic. This lethargy is not just physical. Emotionally, I get apathetic. Mentally, I get lazy – my brain goes into a fog and I am lucky I know my own name. Spiritually, I become lukewarm. If I had my way, I would fall asleep in May and wake up in October. In the beginning of each summer, I try to talk myself out of it. I make plans of all the things I am going to do – and then I come home from work, and lay on my couch until it’s time to go to bed. I might have the tv on, but I am not really paying attention to it. I might play silly games on the iPad. The most aggravating part is that for some reason, when it is time to go to sleep, I cannot fall asleep.
Last night was particularly rough. I was tired. I went to bed at 9:30. I could not fall asleep. I took Melatonin. An hour later I ate a tablespoon of peanut butter and chased it with a glass of milk (the chemical reaction is supposed to help you sleep). I tried to make good use of the time and pray. It was one of those moments where the heavens seemed like brass. I heard nothing; I felt nothing. Slightly after 1 am, I was rummaging through my nightstand drawer and came across a book that my small group leader gave to me. It is called Prayer Points: Praying God’s Promises at Your Point of Need. It has Scriptures and prayers for various issues. Well, there was not one for insomnia, nor for Reverse SAD.
As I was flipping through, I noticed one for “boredom”. I was only “bored” because I couldn’t sleep, but I read what it had to say. One of the Scriptures was Isaiah 40:31: Those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on winds like eagles. They will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint.
The author’s comments were: “Have a conversation with God about how listless you are. Let Him know the feelings you have about each area of your life. Allow Him to speak into your current situation.”
I won’t type the whole prayer, but parts of it were “Lord, I need your help getting out of this rut. I have no energy and no passion for anything these days. I don’t know how to regain that and I am wary of fake, false, artificial means of manufacturing joy”. (Those who know me know that I abhor phoniness even more than heat). The prayer goes on to say “I trust that YOU are the Source of renewed passion in me, Lord. I pray that you will help re-energize me in a way that is authentic and real and true. Help me to embrace the promise of soaring high on wings like eagles and I pray it will manifest in my life in the coming days”.
So, I prayed that prayer wholeheartedly. I still felt nothing and before 2 am I did fall asleep – with the alarm set for 5. I woke up at 5 and tried to read the Bible and pray. I was so tired and kept yawning. I wasn’t really absorbing what I was reading. So, I got ready and went to work.
Various things occurred throughout the day. Things that I thought were just chance. At work, I had a meeting with my supervisor. He is very down to earth, realistic, and level headed (yes, I know you’re jealous – lol). I told him I felt like I was in a rut at work. My day was consumed with daily tasks and I was not getting to projects and I was not finding the time to continue learning and growing in my position. In 20 minutes, I was given several suggestions, tangible tools, and two books to read. I left that meeting pumped and excited to be challenged again in my work.
Then, I had a conversation with a friend who had mentioned they had a gym membership. I said that I could never afford one of those and they mentioned that their gym was only $20 a month. I thought there had to be a catch. After work, I went to that gym and found no catch at all. $20 a month, 24/7 access and a free trainer (by appt). Monday morning at 6 am, I meet with this trainer to discuss my needs and abilities (6 knee surgeries) and develop a customized fitness plan.
When I got home, I had an email from a church I visited in eastern PA. This church had a class before the worship service which was wonderful. I had communicated to this church how much I enjoyed their class and I told them I wish the state of Pennsylvania was smaller so I could attend the class each week. The email contained a link to watch each class on my own time via video – and a print out of the notes!
Finally, to ice the cake, I received a message from my aunt in Jamestown, New York. She and my uncle invited me up for a weekend in August. They want to hear my Cambodia story. As if the invite were not enough, they began to inquire about my favorite foods and beverages and it would appear that they plan to make me queen for the weekend! Spending time with extended family is a gift straight from the hands of God.
As all these things unfolded today, my silly self just thought they were random, chance circumstances. The invitation from family had me floating on air around my home – until I walked into my bedroom and saw the book on my nightstand. Then I remembered. I am not floating on air – I am soaring high on wings like eagles – less than 24 hours after I prayed for the reality of the Scripture to manifest itself in a true and real way.
I wonder how often we do that. We cry out to God for help, He answers, yet we do not see the answer because we think it is just life. I’m glad He didn’t let me go too long without realizing that once again His heart and hand were active in my life. I love how personal He is!
Know what else I love? That God wants us to be involved in our own growth. Like the Good Father that He is, He gives us good gifts, but He also teaches us how to use what He has given us. During a conversation with a friend who is known from wisdom, he used this example. Say you are out of work and in need of a job. As a Christian, of course you would pray and ask God to provide you with a job. But you would not pray and then just sit and do nothing and expect someone to call you and offer you a job. You pray, and then you create a resume, and search for jobs, and network with people, etc. You do everything you can do, and leave the rest to God. Having done all to stand, stand. Ephesians 6:13.
Last night I prayed a desperate prayer. Today, God gave me answers to every aspect of my problem. Spiritual lethargy – an online class with notes. Mental lethargy – new tools to stimulate growth in my job. Physical lethargy – a new and cheap gym membership. Emotional lethargy – a scheduled weekend with extended family.
God provided the answers. It’s up to me to do something with them. I still must make a choice. I have to choose to go to the gym and work out. I have to choose to implement the tools my supervisor gave me. I have to listen to the videos from the church and engage in the course material. And in August, I have to fill up my gas tank and drive to Jamestown, New York.
I have Reverse Seasonal Affective Disorder. The word “disorder” tends to imply that I am a victim and I cannot help it. That is a lie. I may still feel lethargic before October arrives, but it is my choice to act lethargic. I prayed. God answered. It is my turn to act.
And now, I will claim the promise of Psalm 127:2… He grants sleep to those He loves.
To anyone who knows me, it is no secret that I despise summer. I abhor heat. I have been this way since my childhood. What some folks do not know, is that my doctor has actually diagnosed me with Reverse Seasonal Affective Disorder. Each summer, I get extremely lethargic. This lethargy is not just physical. Emotionally, I get apathetic. Mentally, I get lazy – my brain goes into a fog and I am lucky I know my own name. Spiritually, I become lukewarm. If I had my way, I would fall asleep in May and wake up in October. In the beginning of each summer, I try to talk myself out of it. I make plans of all the things I am going to do – and then I come home from work, and lay on my couch until it’s time to go to bed. I might have the tv on, but I am not really paying attention to it. I might play silly games on the iPad. The most aggravating part is that for some reason, when it is time to go to sleep, I cannot fall asleep.
Last night was particularly rough. I was tired. I went to bed at 9:30. I could not fall asleep. I took Melatonin. An hour later I ate a tablespoon of peanut butter and chased it with a glass of milk (the chemical reaction is supposed to help you sleep). I tried to make good use of the time and pray. It was one of those moments where the heavens seemed like brass. I heard nothing; I felt nothing. Slightly after 1 am, I was rummaging through my nightstand drawer and came across a book that my small group leader gave to me. It is called Prayer Points: Praying God’s Promises at Your Point of Need. It has Scriptures and prayers for various issues. Well, there was not one for insomnia, nor for Reverse SAD.
As I was flipping through, I noticed one for “boredom”. I was only “bored” because I couldn’t sleep, but I read what it had to say. One of the Scriptures was Isaiah 40:31: Those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on winds like eagles. They will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint.
The author’s comments were: “Have a conversation with God about how listless you are. Let Him know the feelings you have about each area of your life. Allow Him to speak into your current situation.”
I won’t type the whole prayer, but parts of it were “Lord, I need your help getting out of this rut. I have no energy and no passion for anything these days. I don’t know how to regain that and I am wary of fake, false, artificial means of manufacturing joy”. (Those who know me know that I abhor phoniness even more than heat). The prayer goes on to say “I trust that YOU are the Source of renewed passion in me, Lord. I pray that you will help re-energize me in a way that is authentic and real and true. Help me to embrace the promise of soaring high on wings like eagles and I pray it will manifest in my life in the coming days”.
So, I prayed that prayer wholeheartedly. I still felt nothing and before 2 am I did fall asleep – with the alarm set for 5. I woke up at 5 and tried to read the Bible and pray. I was so tired and kept yawning. I wasn’t really absorbing what I was reading. So, I got ready and went to work.
Various things occurred throughout the day. Things that I thought were just chance. At work, I had a meeting with my supervisor. He is very down to earth, realistic, and level headed (yes, I know you’re jealous – lol). I told him I felt like I was in a rut at work. My day was consumed with daily tasks and I was not getting to projects and I was not finding the time to continue learning and growing in my position. In 20 minutes, I was given several suggestions, tangible tools, and two books to read. I left that meeting pumped and excited to be challenged again in my work.
Then, I had a conversation with a friend who had mentioned they had a gym membership. I said that I could never afford one of those and they mentioned that their gym was only $20 a month. I thought there had to be a catch. After work, I went to that gym and found no catch at all. $20 a month, 24/7 access and a free trainer (by appt). Monday morning at 6 am, I meet with this trainer to discuss my needs and abilities (6 knee surgeries) and develop a customized fitness plan.
When I got home, I had an email from a church I visited in eastern PA. This church had a class before the worship service which was wonderful. I had communicated to this church how much I enjoyed their class and I told them I wish the state of Pennsylvania was smaller so I could attend the class each week. The email contained a link to watch each class on my own time via video – and a print out of the notes!
Finally, to ice the cake, I received a message from my aunt in Jamestown, New York. She and my uncle invited me up for a weekend in August. They want to hear my Cambodia story. As if the invite were not enough, they began to inquire about my favorite foods and beverages and it would appear that they plan to make me queen for the weekend! Spending time with extended family is a gift straight from the hands of God.
As all these things unfolded today, my silly self just thought they were random, chance circumstances. The invitation from family had me floating on air around my home – until I walked into my bedroom and saw the book on my nightstand. Then I remembered. I am not floating on air – I am soaring high on wings like eagles – less than 24 hours after I prayed for the reality of the Scripture to manifest itself in a true and real way.
I wonder how often we do that. We cry out to God for help, He answers, yet we do not see the answer because we think it is just life. I’m glad He didn’t let me go too long without realizing that once again His heart and hand were active in my life. I love how personal He is!
Know what else I love? That God wants us to be involved in our own growth. Like the Good Father that He is, He gives us good gifts, but He also teaches us how to use what He has given us. During a conversation with a friend who is known from wisdom, he used this example. Say you are out of work and in need of a job. As a Christian, of course you would pray and ask God to provide you with a job. But you would not pray and then just sit and do nothing and expect someone to call you and offer you a job. You pray, and then you create a resume, and search for jobs, and network with people, etc. You do everything you can do, and leave the rest to God. Having done all to stand, stand. Ephesians 6:13.
Last night I prayed a desperate prayer. Today, God gave me answers to every aspect of my problem. Spiritual lethargy – an online class with notes. Mental lethargy – new tools to stimulate growth in my job. Physical lethargy – a new and cheap gym membership. Emotional lethargy – a scheduled weekend with extended family.
God provided the answers. It’s up to me to do something with them. I still must make a choice. I have to choose to go to the gym and work out. I have to choose to implement the tools my supervisor gave me. I have to listen to the videos from the church and engage in the course material. And in August, I have to fill up my gas tank and drive to Jamestown, New York.
I have Reverse Seasonal Affective Disorder. The word “disorder” tends to imply that I am a victim and I cannot help it. That is a lie. I may still feel lethargic before October arrives, but it is my choice to act lethargic. I prayed. God answered. It is my turn to act.
And now, I will claim the promise of Psalm 127:2… He grants sleep to those He loves.
Saturday, June 24, 2017
Building Altars and Gathering Manna
I haven’t blogged in ages. I honestly haven’t thought too much about it, but today I realized that when God shows me something, I “digest” it better when I write or talk about it. So today, I am resuming my blog and hoping to write on a more regular basis.
It’s been almost a month. This Monday will mark one month since I have been home from my first mission trip. My Cambodia story has been shared in several one on one or group conversations. It is not my intent to share the story via blog. My purpose here is to share what God had showed me this morning regarding the month that I have been home.
When I went to Cambodia, I was hoping to come back changed. In many ways, I have. It was my desire to not lose my passion for the Lord and what He is doing today. One does not need to be in a foreign country to see God’s heart and hand at work. I am blessed in a way that I see it frequently, regardless of my location. But life has a way of sucking the life out of you. Nothing “bad” has happened in the past month, but I quickly found myself consumed by life again. My thoughts somehow drifted from what God is doing and wants to do in me and through me to my “to-do” list. I wake up every morning and the first thing on my mind is everything I have to (or want to) accomplish. This morning I realized that things were starting to feel mediocre – like I was in a rut. I looked at the Cambodia pictures that I have strategically placed around my home and thought, “was that really only a month ago?” It honestly feels like it was 6 months ago. What happened?
So, I grab my coffee and head up to my attic “war room” to inquire of the Lord and try to “fan the flame” if you will. As I began to pray, two words came to mind: altars and manna. Strange. Those two don’t seem to go together. So, I took a little journey through the Old Testament to see what God was trying to show me.
In the OT, people often built altars to the Lord after moments of spiritual significance. Noah built an altar after the flood (Gen 8:20). Abram built an altar when God gave him the promise of land and descendants (Gen 12:8). Isaac built one when God gave them provision of a well (Gen 26:25). Moses and Samuel both built altars after victories in battle (Exodus 17:15 and I Sam 7:17). These altars were built to remember what God had done. They were monuments to the Lord – almost like our modern-day trophies.
I read through 13 stories where people built altars to the Lord and I discovered something: none of them stayed at the altar. They all moved on to whatever God had for them next. The altar ensured that they did not forget what God had done. God had changed their circumstances and simultaneously changed their hearts. These were lessons to remember. But it was not a place to camp out.
The personal application: I have certainly built an altar to the Lord for all He did in Cambodia. I don’t want to ever forget what He did in my heart through the people and circumstances there. However, if I rely on a mission trip to keep me spiritually fueled, I am in trouble.
In Exodus 17, right after an altar-building story, is the story of the manna. Manna was food that God provided for the people every day. He had instructed the people to go out in the morning and gather what was needed for that day. On the sixth day, they gathered double – so that no one had to gather (work) on the Sabbath.
While manna was physical food for the people back then, it can be related to spiritual nourishment for us today. Scripture makes reference to the Word and Jesus as being the Bread of Life. A couple of principles are seen here. First, the people had to do something. They had to gather the manna. God did not spoon feed them. This is where the “if you don’t work, you don’t eat” concept comes into play. In order to eat, they had to choose to wake up and gather what they needed.
Personal application: If I am feeling mediocre, could it be that I am spiritually malnourished because I have not spent enough time gathering my spiritual food? Sure, I spend time on Saturdays, after I have slept in and have no time commitments until later in the day. During the week, I fall into the trap of surviving on a spiritual fast-food diet – hitting the snooze button too many times, praying in the car on the way to work and glancing at a 3-minute devotional app on my phone. In the natural, if you grab McDonalds one day for a quick breakfast, it’s no big deal. If you make a daily habit of it – you’re bound to get sick.
Scripture says that the people woke up and gathered their manna. They woke up with enough time to gather it before beginning their tasks for the day. It was priority. Doing their tasks well depended on their nourishment. Notice that they didn’t wait until lunch hour or after work to gather – it would have been too late. In Exodus 16:21, it tells us that the manna that was not gathered was melted away by the sun. The provision and nourishment was readily available, provided straight from God – but if the people did not gather it, it melted away. Life sucked the life out of it – literally. What a waste.
Lastly, God instructed them to not take more than what they needed for that day. Of course, some of them disobeyed. They tried to “stock up” on manna. Perhaps to save them the work of gathering on a busier than usual day. But what happened? Verse 19 tells us the leftover manna became full of maggots and had a terrible smell. Leave it to humanity. God provides for our needs, but we want it our way and spoil His blessings.
Is this not what we do – albeit unknowingly sometimes? We “stock up” on spiritual nourishment on Sundays with awesome corporate worship and a good Word. We have a spiritual high while on a mission trip or some other ministry experience. We have spiritual pep rallies in our small groups. Those mountain top moments are great. We need them and God generously blesses us with them, but if we rely on yesterday’s manna for today’s needs, we might find it full of maggots and unconsumable.
Life is full of ups and downs, highs and lows – both physically and spiritually. Don’t forget what God has done. Build your altar. Worship Him and thank Him at that altar. Revisit the altar and remember the lessons you learned and how God changed your heart and your life. But don’t stay there. God has a fresh Word for us each day – a Word that is specifically formulated to nourish us for the needs of that particular day. What a blessing! How sweet is it that we have a Father who longs to provide us everything we need for life and Godliness (2 Peter 1:3). But He will not spoon feed us. We have to gather it. We have to get out of bed, we have to set the time aside, we have to open our Bibles and shut out the demands of our looming to-do list.
For me, Cambodia was amazing. I am hoping to go back – and hopefully soon. The altar has been built. But it cannot carry me into what God has for me right now. Each morning, I have to gather my manna, my daily bread. And when I start each day at the gathering place, none of my moments are mediocre, and I have no need to look back.
It’s been almost a month. This Monday will mark one month since I have been home from my first mission trip. My Cambodia story has been shared in several one on one or group conversations. It is not my intent to share the story via blog. My purpose here is to share what God had showed me this morning regarding the month that I have been home.
When I went to Cambodia, I was hoping to come back changed. In many ways, I have. It was my desire to not lose my passion for the Lord and what He is doing today. One does not need to be in a foreign country to see God’s heart and hand at work. I am blessed in a way that I see it frequently, regardless of my location. But life has a way of sucking the life out of you. Nothing “bad” has happened in the past month, but I quickly found myself consumed by life again. My thoughts somehow drifted from what God is doing and wants to do in me and through me to my “to-do” list. I wake up every morning and the first thing on my mind is everything I have to (or want to) accomplish. This morning I realized that things were starting to feel mediocre – like I was in a rut. I looked at the Cambodia pictures that I have strategically placed around my home and thought, “was that really only a month ago?” It honestly feels like it was 6 months ago. What happened?
So, I grab my coffee and head up to my attic “war room” to inquire of the Lord and try to “fan the flame” if you will. As I began to pray, two words came to mind: altars and manna. Strange. Those two don’t seem to go together. So, I took a little journey through the Old Testament to see what God was trying to show me.
In the OT, people often built altars to the Lord after moments of spiritual significance. Noah built an altar after the flood (Gen 8:20). Abram built an altar when God gave him the promise of land and descendants (Gen 12:8). Isaac built one when God gave them provision of a well (Gen 26:25). Moses and Samuel both built altars after victories in battle (Exodus 17:15 and I Sam 7:17). These altars were built to remember what God had done. They were monuments to the Lord – almost like our modern-day trophies.
I read through 13 stories where people built altars to the Lord and I discovered something: none of them stayed at the altar. They all moved on to whatever God had for them next. The altar ensured that they did not forget what God had done. God had changed their circumstances and simultaneously changed their hearts. These were lessons to remember. But it was not a place to camp out.
The personal application: I have certainly built an altar to the Lord for all He did in Cambodia. I don’t want to ever forget what He did in my heart through the people and circumstances there. However, if I rely on a mission trip to keep me spiritually fueled, I am in trouble.
In Exodus 17, right after an altar-building story, is the story of the manna. Manna was food that God provided for the people every day. He had instructed the people to go out in the morning and gather what was needed for that day. On the sixth day, they gathered double – so that no one had to gather (work) on the Sabbath.
While manna was physical food for the people back then, it can be related to spiritual nourishment for us today. Scripture makes reference to the Word and Jesus as being the Bread of Life. A couple of principles are seen here. First, the people had to do something. They had to gather the manna. God did not spoon feed them. This is where the “if you don’t work, you don’t eat” concept comes into play. In order to eat, they had to choose to wake up and gather what they needed.
Personal application: If I am feeling mediocre, could it be that I am spiritually malnourished because I have not spent enough time gathering my spiritual food? Sure, I spend time on Saturdays, after I have slept in and have no time commitments until later in the day. During the week, I fall into the trap of surviving on a spiritual fast-food diet – hitting the snooze button too many times, praying in the car on the way to work and glancing at a 3-minute devotional app on my phone. In the natural, if you grab McDonalds one day for a quick breakfast, it’s no big deal. If you make a daily habit of it – you’re bound to get sick.
Scripture says that the people woke up and gathered their manna. They woke up with enough time to gather it before beginning their tasks for the day. It was priority. Doing their tasks well depended on their nourishment. Notice that they didn’t wait until lunch hour or after work to gather – it would have been too late. In Exodus 16:21, it tells us that the manna that was not gathered was melted away by the sun. The provision and nourishment was readily available, provided straight from God – but if the people did not gather it, it melted away. Life sucked the life out of it – literally. What a waste.
Lastly, God instructed them to not take more than what they needed for that day. Of course, some of them disobeyed. They tried to “stock up” on manna. Perhaps to save them the work of gathering on a busier than usual day. But what happened? Verse 19 tells us the leftover manna became full of maggots and had a terrible smell. Leave it to humanity. God provides for our needs, but we want it our way and spoil His blessings.
Is this not what we do – albeit unknowingly sometimes? We “stock up” on spiritual nourishment on Sundays with awesome corporate worship and a good Word. We have a spiritual high while on a mission trip or some other ministry experience. We have spiritual pep rallies in our small groups. Those mountain top moments are great. We need them and God generously blesses us with them, but if we rely on yesterday’s manna for today’s needs, we might find it full of maggots and unconsumable.
Life is full of ups and downs, highs and lows – both physically and spiritually. Don’t forget what God has done. Build your altar. Worship Him and thank Him at that altar. Revisit the altar and remember the lessons you learned and how God changed your heart and your life. But don’t stay there. God has a fresh Word for us each day – a Word that is specifically formulated to nourish us for the needs of that particular day. What a blessing! How sweet is it that we have a Father who longs to provide us everything we need for life and Godliness (2 Peter 1:3). But He will not spoon feed us. We have to gather it. We have to get out of bed, we have to set the time aside, we have to open our Bibles and shut out the demands of our looming to-do list.
For me, Cambodia was amazing. I am hoping to go back – and hopefully soon. The altar has been built. But it cannot carry me into what God has for me right now. Each morning, I have to gather my manna, my daily bread. And when I start each day at the gathering place, none of my moments are mediocre, and I have no need to look back.
Friday, March 25, 2016
Good Friday Repentance
I haven’t blogged in ages. I miss it. Even if no one reads my blogs, they are helpful to me when I write them. Blogging is just a hobby, it is not mandatory. However, the reason I have not blogged is the same reason that is causing me to have to repent before my Savior this morning. I’ll explain.
Today is Good Friday. I’m thankful that it’s a paid holiday for me. Even when I have had to take a vacation day, I have always set aside Good Friday to have a date with my Savior and Friend. I spend the morning and early afternoon in personal time with Jesus before heading to church late afternoon. Like most Christians, I tend to reflect a little deeper on Good Friday. I remember the events leading up to the crucifixion of Jesus. I think about His anguish in the Garden of Gethsemane. I think about the crown of thorns, the beatings, the painful, slow carrying of that cross down the Via De La Rosa to Calvary where nails were pounded through His hands and feet. Worse than all that physical pain was the mockery and piercing comments of the crowd. His closest friends have scattered. The crowd that cried “Hosanna” just one week prior, now shouted “crucify Him”. The mocking comments of “save yourself” and “ha – King of the Jews” had to hurt Him more than any nail or thorn ever could.
This reflection causes tears to stream down my face, but tears are inadequate and words fall short as I recall the reason all of this took place. Because of me. Period. My sin nailed Him to that cross. The Bible says the wages of sin is death. It was my cross, my death and Jesus decided that He would rather it be Him than me. In the most unfair exchange ever, Jesus took my sin and gave me His righteousness.
Two things happened as a result of that exchange. Unfortunately, many folks are only aware or accepting of the first. The first thing that resulted from this exchange was salvation. Sin had separated us from God and with our sin-stained lives, we could not be with God – we were doomed to spend eternity in hell – permanently separated from God. Jesus’s blood purchased our salvation. Those who accept His free gift have their eternity secured. Our ticket into heaven has been purchased. But that is just the beginning, it does not stop there.
When I was about 8 years old, I went with a neighbor to her church. I remember the church singing a hymn and saying “when we all get to heaven, what a day of rejoicing that will be.” I was only 8 years old but even then I thought to myself “you have to wait until you get to heaven??? Who wants to wait that long!”
It wasn’t until I was 14 that I would learn the second result of Jesus’s death on the cross. See, I didn’t have to wait until heaven. Jesus died my death so that I could enjoy relationship with the Father – right now, on earth.
Matthew 27:51 tells us that when Jesus died, the temple veil was torn in two from top to bottom. What does that mean? In the temple, the veil separated the Holy of Holies, the place of God’s presence from the rest of the temple. Only the High Priest could access God’s presence. This was a symbol of intimacy with God. The common folk never left the outer court. When Jesus died and that veil was torn – He made a way for every day common folk to have an intimate, personal relationship with God – right now.
When I first learned this in my teenage years, I could not describe the wonder and the joy I felt. Why would the Creator of everything want a relationship with me? Further, why would Jesus suffer such a horrible death to give me the gift of that relationship? I was so wonderstruck that I pursued that relationship with every ounce of effort I had. I could not get enough. I couldn’t spend enough time in the Word, in worship, in prayer, in church. I wanted more and more.
It is this recollection that causes me to spend time repenting this morning. As I recall what a costly price was paid for me to have that relationship, I realize that I have somehow lost the wonder. The time with Jesus that I pursued so passionately has become something I do if and when life allows – such as a day off like today. Oh, every once in a while I wake up in time to spend a few moments with Him in the morning and about a month ago I joined the ladies Bible study. But the pursuit is just not there. What happened?
My sin is not one of action, it is one of attitude and mindset. I don’t mean to put God on the back burner. Somehow, I have allowed life to get so big. I am consumed with work, school, household management, and friendships – sadly, in that order. None of these things are bad and they are necessary. I can’t call off work to spend time reading the Bible. Somehow, though, I have allowed these things to take the majority of my mental and emotional energy. I am daily consumed with thoughts about my to-do list. When I do have an evening or a few hours to myself, I am usually exhausted (more mentally than physically) and I spend my time vegged out on the couch watching television or playing internet games (a mindless activity). Twenty years ago, I had a job. I had relationships. I had responsibilities. However, they did not consume me. They certainly did not take my focus off of Jesus.
Of the things that I spend my time on, only my relationships have any eternal value whatsoever. The other things won’t matter at the end of my earthly life so why do they get so much of my mental energy? When I finally get to leave this earth and see Jesus face to face, neither He nor I will be thinking about cost basis! He won’t ask me how the transition of portfolio accounting software went. We won’t care whether or not I passed the CPA exam. All that will matter then is my relationship with Him and how I lived my life here on earth. Jesus cares about how well I work and He wants me to do everything I do with excellence, but He never intended for it to consume me.
My heart hurts thinking about what I have done. A precious, priceless gift of a relationship with God and through my actions I have said that this crazy, temporal life takes a front seat in my mind. What hurts even more is that I know I have blogged a similar thing before. This isn’t new. I catch myself, I try harder, and I fall back into this trap time and time again. Another Romans 7.
Here comes the Good News. Grace. I don’t mean to take my sin lightly and slap a bandage of grace on it, but I reach for that grace and grab it like a life preserver, not relaxing on it like a lounge raft. That same amazing grace that took my sin and nailed it to a cross, covers me when my spiritual walk becomes a crawl. Somehow, this amazing Savior still wants to have relationship with me even after I put Him on the back burner. That Old Rugged Cross paid for this sin of mine – my current faulty mindset – and beckons me once again to the foot of Calvary. And as I kneel there and acknowledge that my need for a Savior is just as great as it was on July 30, 1988 when I first accepted Jesus, I ask for His help to break this cycle.
In my ladies Bible study, we learned that the Holy Spirit’s job is to change us from the inside out. We can’t try to change our actions and hope that our actions will change our heart. The Holy Spirit changes our heart and then our actions change.
So today, I seek the Holy Spirit’s help to renew my mind, to help me to magnify the Lord in my thoughts so that the things of this earth become strangely dim. I ask Him to rekindle the desire to pursue and deepen our relationship. I pray for grace to keep my priorities straight and to remain focused on Jesus – not just today on Good Friday, not just this Easter weekend, but on Monday when I resume my crazy, hectic schedule and through the month of April when I deal with quarter end and tax time at work and final exams at school. And as I try desperately to maintain the relationships of those closest to me, I ask the Holy Spirit’s help to maintain the most important one I have – the one purchased with blood.
If you are a believer and a friend of mine, would you help me with this? Would you make me accountable? When you see me or communicate electronically, feel free to ask me how my relationship with Jesus is going, before asking me about work or school. Remind me to put more mental energy into eternal things than temporal things. The last thing I want is to type a blog similar to this one on Good Friday, 2017.
But for Grace…..
Today is Good Friday. I’m thankful that it’s a paid holiday for me. Even when I have had to take a vacation day, I have always set aside Good Friday to have a date with my Savior and Friend. I spend the morning and early afternoon in personal time with Jesus before heading to church late afternoon. Like most Christians, I tend to reflect a little deeper on Good Friday. I remember the events leading up to the crucifixion of Jesus. I think about His anguish in the Garden of Gethsemane. I think about the crown of thorns, the beatings, the painful, slow carrying of that cross down the Via De La Rosa to Calvary where nails were pounded through His hands and feet. Worse than all that physical pain was the mockery and piercing comments of the crowd. His closest friends have scattered. The crowd that cried “Hosanna” just one week prior, now shouted “crucify Him”. The mocking comments of “save yourself” and “ha – King of the Jews” had to hurt Him more than any nail or thorn ever could.
This reflection causes tears to stream down my face, but tears are inadequate and words fall short as I recall the reason all of this took place. Because of me. Period. My sin nailed Him to that cross. The Bible says the wages of sin is death. It was my cross, my death and Jesus decided that He would rather it be Him than me. In the most unfair exchange ever, Jesus took my sin and gave me His righteousness.
Two things happened as a result of that exchange. Unfortunately, many folks are only aware or accepting of the first. The first thing that resulted from this exchange was salvation. Sin had separated us from God and with our sin-stained lives, we could not be with God – we were doomed to spend eternity in hell – permanently separated from God. Jesus’s blood purchased our salvation. Those who accept His free gift have their eternity secured. Our ticket into heaven has been purchased. But that is just the beginning, it does not stop there.
When I was about 8 years old, I went with a neighbor to her church. I remember the church singing a hymn and saying “when we all get to heaven, what a day of rejoicing that will be.” I was only 8 years old but even then I thought to myself “you have to wait until you get to heaven??? Who wants to wait that long!”
It wasn’t until I was 14 that I would learn the second result of Jesus’s death on the cross. See, I didn’t have to wait until heaven. Jesus died my death so that I could enjoy relationship with the Father – right now, on earth.
Matthew 27:51 tells us that when Jesus died, the temple veil was torn in two from top to bottom. What does that mean? In the temple, the veil separated the Holy of Holies, the place of God’s presence from the rest of the temple. Only the High Priest could access God’s presence. This was a symbol of intimacy with God. The common folk never left the outer court. When Jesus died and that veil was torn – He made a way for every day common folk to have an intimate, personal relationship with God – right now.
When I first learned this in my teenage years, I could not describe the wonder and the joy I felt. Why would the Creator of everything want a relationship with me? Further, why would Jesus suffer such a horrible death to give me the gift of that relationship? I was so wonderstruck that I pursued that relationship with every ounce of effort I had. I could not get enough. I couldn’t spend enough time in the Word, in worship, in prayer, in church. I wanted more and more.
It is this recollection that causes me to spend time repenting this morning. As I recall what a costly price was paid for me to have that relationship, I realize that I have somehow lost the wonder. The time with Jesus that I pursued so passionately has become something I do if and when life allows – such as a day off like today. Oh, every once in a while I wake up in time to spend a few moments with Him in the morning and about a month ago I joined the ladies Bible study. But the pursuit is just not there. What happened?
My sin is not one of action, it is one of attitude and mindset. I don’t mean to put God on the back burner. Somehow, I have allowed life to get so big. I am consumed with work, school, household management, and friendships – sadly, in that order. None of these things are bad and they are necessary. I can’t call off work to spend time reading the Bible. Somehow, though, I have allowed these things to take the majority of my mental and emotional energy. I am daily consumed with thoughts about my to-do list. When I do have an evening or a few hours to myself, I am usually exhausted (more mentally than physically) and I spend my time vegged out on the couch watching television or playing internet games (a mindless activity). Twenty years ago, I had a job. I had relationships. I had responsibilities. However, they did not consume me. They certainly did not take my focus off of Jesus.
Of the things that I spend my time on, only my relationships have any eternal value whatsoever. The other things won’t matter at the end of my earthly life so why do they get so much of my mental energy? When I finally get to leave this earth and see Jesus face to face, neither He nor I will be thinking about cost basis! He won’t ask me how the transition of portfolio accounting software went. We won’t care whether or not I passed the CPA exam. All that will matter then is my relationship with Him and how I lived my life here on earth. Jesus cares about how well I work and He wants me to do everything I do with excellence, but He never intended for it to consume me.
My heart hurts thinking about what I have done. A precious, priceless gift of a relationship with God and through my actions I have said that this crazy, temporal life takes a front seat in my mind. What hurts even more is that I know I have blogged a similar thing before. This isn’t new. I catch myself, I try harder, and I fall back into this trap time and time again. Another Romans 7.
Here comes the Good News. Grace. I don’t mean to take my sin lightly and slap a bandage of grace on it, but I reach for that grace and grab it like a life preserver, not relaxing on it like a lounge raft. That same amazing grace that took my sin and nailed it to a cross, covers me when my spiritual walk becomes a crawl. Somehow, this amazing Savior still wants to have relationship with me even after I put Him on the back burner. That Old Rugged Cross paid for this sin of mine – my current faulty mindset – and beckons me once again to the foot of Calvary. And as I kneel there and acknowledge that my need for a Savior is just as great as it was on July 30, 1988 when I first accepted Jesus, I ask for His help to break this cycle.
In my ladies Bible study, we learned that the Holy Spirit’s job is to change us from the inside out. We can’t try to change our actions and hope that our actions will change our heart. The Holy Spirit changes our heart and then our actions change.
So today, I seek the Holy Spirit’s help to renew my mind, to help me to magnify the Lord in my thoughts so that the things of this earth become strangely dim. I ask Him to rekindle the desire to pursue and deepen our relationship. I pray for grace to keep my priorities straight and to remain focused on Jesus – not just today on Good Friday, not just this Easter weekend, but on Monday when I resume my crazy, hectic schedule and through the month of April when I deal with quarter end and tax time at work and final exams at school. And as I try desperately to maintain the relationships of those closest to me, I ask the Holy Spirit’s help to maintain the most important one I have – the one purchased with blood.
If you are a believer and a friend of mine, would you help me with this? Would you make me accountable? When you see me or communicate electronically, feel free to ask me how my relationship with Jesus is going, before asking me about work or school. Remind me to put more mental energy into eternal things than temporal things. The last thing I want is to type a blog similar to this one on Good Friday, 2017.
But for Grace…..
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
When the Brain and Heart Go Separate Directions
Since my church is in the middle of message series called Wonderstruck: Recapturing the Awe of God, many of us have been posting to Facebook pictures and things that cause us to be wonder struck in some way or another. My Facebook post this morning was a good one. I posted about my biological father. I have never met the man a day in my life. I know very little about him. I know his name and his approximate age. I do not even know if he is alive or dead. I’ve never even seen a picture. However, my mom tells me that I have his personality. I think like him and act like him. I understand genetics when it comes to physical attributes, but to think that I have the personality of someone that I have not spent one second of time with…. that level of genetic inheritance causes me to be, well, wonder struck.
If I had only known when I posted this morning that the evening events would again prove this fact, I might have mentioned in my post that these personality traits are not good ones.
Once again, God used an event at school to illustrate a spiritual principle. I am glad that He is patient with me and continues to instruct me through these life lessons. Although I am one of the most transparent people on the planet, even I am quite a bit embarrassed by this story. I will share it though in order to share the spiritual application.
Tonight was my final exam in my Managerial Accounting class. I tend to be overly concerned about my grades (in my mind anything that isn’t an A is an F) and therefore I spent a good deal of time studying and preparing for this exam. I studied 5 hours the night before, 40 minutes during lunch, and 90 minutes directly before class. I knew the material. It was not overly difficult. Only the volume of material I needed to know scared me a bit. I was concerned that I would focus too much on one concept at the expense of others.
I was slightly stressed all day but I kept telling myself things that my Beginning Accounting professor taught us. He would say “this is not your life; it is just an Accounting test” and “do your best but keep things in perspective”. I rehearsed these truths over and over all day.
Here is the funny (or insane) part: my overall average for the class before the final exam was a 98%. The only way I could not have an A for the final grade would be if I scored a 72% or lower on this final exam – an unlikely event. So I didn’t want to be over confident, but I felt pretty sure my coveted A was in the bag.
So I start the exam and for the first two pages everything is fine. Page three contained some true and false questions that confused me. There were three of them I was not sure about and I began to get concepts mixed up. I started to panic. I put my pencil down, re-read the questions and tried to just think them through. All of sudden my neck was killing me and I got so hot I was profusely sweating. Nausea followed and I got a little dizzy. I seriously thought I was going to throw up on the table. I looked at the professor and asked if I could step out to get a drink of water. She seemed to hesitate. A student leaving the class in the middle of a test could be an opportunity for them to cheat. So I told her I felt I was going to throw up and I would only go as far as the water fountain, which she and the other students could see from the classroom. She consented. I took a drink of water and tried to breathe. I chastised myself for getting that worked up. I went back in the classroom and the professor asked if I wanted a mint and I accepted. I then resumed taking the exam. Two minutes later there is a tablet being placed under my nose. The professor had taken a tablet and had written in bold capital letters “RELAX!!!!! HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY NOT GET AN A IN THIS CLASS!!!!!!” I laughed and that laughter released just enough endorphins to chase the nausea away. Even though I was one of the last students to finish, I am confident I got higher than a 72.
As I sat in my car in Carlow’s parking lot, I felt embarrassed by what had just occurred. I remembered this morning’s Facebook post. My biological father would have done exactly what I did. Unfortunately, this is more than just a funny personality trait. This is a character flaw. Well, at least I am consistent. This character flaw not only occurs at school, but in every area of my life – including my spiritual life.
The character flaw is this: The information I know in my brain somehow has trouble getting down to my heart. Time and time again, when an unexpected storm of life occurs, my heart runs amok and takes over, shutting down my brain and all its knowledge. Even worse, most times the storm is not even real – it’s all internal.
In regards to this test, my brain knew everything it needed to know. I am not referring to the material on the exam. My brain knew that it was just an Accounting test. My brain knew I would more than likely have an A for the class. My brain knew that this test, the class, or even my educational goals have absolutely no eternal significance whatsoever.
If my brain knew that, why didn’t my heart follow? Why couldn’t I use the truth of what I knew to keep my emotions calm and in check?
This happens far too often in my spiritual walk. I know everything I am supposed to know. I believe God’s Word is 100% true. The Bible says that He has given us everything we need for life and Godliness. God has proven to me personally countless times that He is a Good Father, a perfect Shepherd, a Faithful Provider, a Diligent Protector, a Constant Companion, and the Savior of my soul. I know that I know that I know that He is working all things for my good and nothing can separate me from Him.
Yet, more often that not, when life brings me a small storm or a slight bump in the road, I react just the way I did in class tonight. When the storm ends and everything is fine, I wonder why I acted that way when I knew God was in control the whole time. Why can’t my brain get my heart under control?
Scripture identifies and confirms my problem. Jeremiah 17:9 NLT says: “the human heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked, who can understand it?”
Of course there is the infamous Romans 7… “What I want to do I do not do and what I hate to do that I find myself doing”. AMEN!
Thankfully, Scripture not only identifies my problem. It provides a solution. However, that solution is no quick fix. It is a process called sanctification. Sanctification occurs, albeit for some more slowly than others, when one spends time with the Lord and allows the Master Potter to have their heart and slowly change it from a heart that is deceitful and wicked to a heart that is like Christ.
I have been in relationship with Jesus for 27 years. I am sorely disappointed in myself tonight and I am ashamed that my heart is still so deceitful. It makes no sense to strive for an A in Managerial Accounting and fail a simple test of application of Biblical principles. However, just as my professor didn’t chastise me as I deserved but rescued me with encouragement, my Savior does the same. He encourages me with Psalm 73:26 which says that my flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever, and He reminds me of His promise in Philippians 1:6 that He who began the good work in me will be faithful to complete it.
I am confident that there will be a day when the Godly character that I inherit from my heavenly Father will overrule the personality I inherited from my biological one. When that day finally comes, I, along with everyone else shall truly be…. Wonderstruck.
If I had only known when I posted this morning that the evening events would again prove this fact, I might have mentioned in my post that these personality traits are not good ones.
Once again, God used an event at school to illustrate a spiritual principle. I am glad that He is patient with me and continues to instruct me through these life lessons. Although I am one of the most transparent people on the planet, even I am quite a bit embarrassed by this story. I will share it though in order to share the spiritual application.
Tonight was my final exam in my Managerial Accounting class. I tend to be overly concerned about my grades (in my mind anything that isn’t an A is an F) and therefore I spent a good deal of time studying and preparing for this exam. I studied 5 hours the night before, 40 minutes during lunch, and 90 minutes directly before class. I knew the material. It was not overly difficult. Only the volume of material I needed to know scared me a bit. I was concerned that I would focus too much on one concept at the expense of others.
I was slightly stressed all day but I kept telling myself things that my Beginning Accounting professor taught us. He would say “this is not your life; it is just an Accounting test” and “do your best but keep things in perspective”. I rehearsed these truths over and over all day.
Here is the funny (or insane) part: my overall average for the class before the final exam was a 98%. The only way I could not have an A for the final grade would be if I scored a 72% or lower on this final exam – an unlikely event. So I didn’t want to be over confident, but I felt pretty sure my coveted A was in the bag.
So I start the exam and for the first two pages everything is fine. Page three contained some true and false questions that confused me. There were three of them I was not sure about and I began to get concepts mixed up. I started to panic. I put my pencil down, re-read the questions and tried to just think them through. All of sudden my neck was killing me and I got so hot I was profusely sweating. Nausea followed and I got a little dizzy. I seriously thought I was going to throw up on the table. I looked at the professor and asked if I could step out to get a drink of water. She seemed to hesitate. A student leaving the class in the middle of a test could be an opportunity for them to cheat. So I told her I felt I was going to throw up and I would only go as far as the water fountain, which she and the other students could see from the classroom. She consented. I took a drink of water and tried to breathe. I chastised myself for getting that worked up. I went back in the classroom and the professor asked if I wanted a mint and I accepted. I then resumed taking the exam. Two minutes later there is a tablet being placed under my nose. The professor had taken a tablet and had written in bold capital letters “RELAX!!!!! HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY NOT GET AN A IN THIS CLASS!!!!!!” I laughed and that laughter released just enough endorphins to chase the nausea away. Even though I was one of the last students to finish, I am confident I got higher than a 72.
As I sat in my car in Carlow’s parking lot, I felt embarrassed by what had just occurred. I remembered this morning’s Facebook post. My biological father would have done exactly what I did. Unfortunately, this is more than just a funny personality trait. This is a character flaw. Well, at least I am consistent. This character flaw not only occurs at school, but in every area of my life – including my spiritual life.
The character flaw is this: The information I know in my brain somehow has trouble getting down to my heart. Time and time again, when an unexpected storm of life occurs, my heart runs amok and takes over, shutting down my brain and all its knowledge. Even worse, most times the storm is not even real – it’s all internal.
In regards to this test, my brain knew everything it needed to know. I am not referring to the material on the exam. My brain knew that it was just an Accounting test. My brain knew I would more than likely have an A for the class. My brain knew that this test, the class, or even my educational goals have absolutely no eternal significance whatsoever.
If my brain knew that, why didn’t my heart follow? Why couldn’t I use the truth of what I knew to keep my emotions calm and in check?
This happens far too often in my spiritual walk. I know everything I am supposed to know. I believe God’s Word is 100% true. The Bible says that He has given us everything we need for life and Godliness. God has proven to me personally countless times that He is a Good Father, a perfect Shepherd, a Faithful Provider, a Diligent Protector, a Constant Companion, and the Savior of my soul. I know that I know that I know that He is working all things for my good and nothing can separate me from Him.
Yet, more often that not, when life brings me a small storm or a slight bump in the road, I react just the way I did in class tonight. When the storm ends and everything is fine, I wonder why I acted that way when I knew God was in control the whole time. Why can’t my brain get my heart under control?
Scripture identifies and confirms my problem. Jeremiah 17:9 NLT says: “the human heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked, who can understand it?”
Of course there is the infamous Romans 7… “What I want to do I do not do and what I hate to do that I find myself doing”. AMEN!
Thankfully, Scripture not only identifies my problem. It provides a solution. However, that solution is no quick fix. It is a process called sanctification. Sanctification occurs, albeit for some more slowly than others, when one spends time with the Lord and allows the Master Potter to have their heart and slowly change it from a heart that is deceitful and wicked to a heart that is like Christ.
I have been in relationship with Jesus for 27 years. I am sorely disappointed in myself tonight and I am ashamed that my heart is still so deceitful. It makes no sense to strive for an A in Managerial Accounting and fail a simple test of application of Biblical principles. However, just as my professor didn’t chastise me as I deserved but rescued me with encouragement, my Savior does the same. He encourages me with Psalm 73:26 which says that my flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever, and He reminds me of His promise in Philippians 1:6 that He who began the good work in me will be faithful to complete it.
I am confident that there will be a day when the Godly character that I inherit from my heavenly Father will overrule the personality I inherited from my biological one. When that day finally comes, I, along with everyone else shall truly be…. Wonderstruck.
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