Spiritual Anemia

It's been a few weeks since I have written my last blog post. I usually write these posts after I have spent time with the Lord because I typically share what He is showing me. Unfortunately, I haven't spent that good, quality time with the Lord in awhile. I did not intentionally stop spending time with Him. So this morning I examined myself to see when and why I broke the habit of my quiet time. As you know, in early April, several trials hit me at once. Those trials forced me to the foot of cross because I had nowhere else to go. Being unemployed, I spent a ton of time with the Lord each day. I sought Him for peace and for the answers to my issues. Even though it was a very dark time for me, I felt His Presence so close - like never before. So what happened? Slowly but surely, circumstances turned around. I recovered two out of three of my major losses. Things started to look up again - and I stopped. I stopped looking up. Instead of throwing myself at the foot of cross every day, I threw myself into life. Nothing wrong, nothing bad - just busy with this, that and the next thing. I had a list of things I wanted to accomplish before heading back to work and I had people I wanted to spend time with before I got too busy again. For the past two weeks, I got out of bed and started running - just do, do, do. Slowly, I started to notice that while circumstances were favorable, something was not "quite right" with me inside. During worship on Sundays, I felt distant from God. (duh) I noticed that I was getting short with people in the grocery store or on the road. What was wrong with me? The Scripture tells us that He must increase and we must decrease. The only way for Him to increase in us is for us to spend time with Him. When we don't, the opposite happens, we increase and He decreases. The result is spiritual anemia. Obviously, it doesn't have to be this way. I think when circumstances are favorable, I just need more discipline to stay in the Word. I need to deliberately seek Him even when all seems to be well. I need to keep Jesus first in my mind and in my heart and not allow life (even the good parts) to put Him on the back burner. I am thankful for the trials that came into my life because they allowed me to experience a deeper intimacy and closeness with the Lord. At the same time, I am praying that I don't need Him to send any more trials in order to get my attention. With a new job and going back to college in the fall, I am going to be busier than ever. In that busyness, I must make time with the Lord a priority. Its only when I am spiritually healthy that I can be healthy in all the other ways. I am going to be meeting new people - new co-workers and classmates - I want them to see Jesus in me, not Raquel, and that can only happen when I stay focused on Him.

Jesus Held His Peace

One of the lessons God is teaching me during this time of trial is how to suffer well. I obviously did not sign up for this course! Nonetheless, God keeps bringing it to me time and time again and I bet He will continue until my thick head really gets it. Yesterday morning I was having my weekly chat with my spiritual mentor and like always she saw straight through me. She knew that I had been deeply hurt by someone very close to me and I have been struggling to forgive this person. In fact, I thought I had forgiven this person, but I kept rehashing what they had done to me and I would get upset each time. So I realized I had to come to a place of genuine forgiveness and I had to give this hurt to the Lord and not be upset about it anymore. So this morning during my time with the Lord, I asked His forgiveness and asked Him to help me forgive. He answered. I began my Bible study that I am doing on I Peter and don't you know today's lesson was about learning to suffer well like Jesus did. It talked about how He "held His peace" and gave the hurt and suffering to God who judges justly. The author managed to put it in poem form for us: The day when Jesus stood alone And felt the hearts of men like stone And knew He came but to atone That day He held His peace They witnessed falsely to His Word They bound Him with a cruel cord And mockingly proclaimed Him Lord But Jesus held His peace They spat upon Him in the face They dragged Him on from place to place They heaped upon Him all disgrace But Jesus held His peace My friend, have you for far much less, With rage, which you call righteousness Resented slights with great distress? Your Savior held His peace Wow. What can I add to that? Jesus is our example of how to endure suffering and hurt. He trusted that His Father would take care of it in His time and in His way. This morning I prayed that this Word would take deep root in me. The last thing I want to do it read it, blog about it, and forget it. We are on this journey to become more like Jesus until we see Him face to face. He's not letting me out of this part!

Two Way Trust

This morning begins week six of my unemployment. I have resumes in so many places I have lost track of them all. When I woke up, grabbed my coffee, and went to spend time with the Lord, one of my first prayers was asking Him to please let the phone ring today. Please, Lord, give me one interview. He gently reminded me to trust Him and I began my time in His Word. I am doing a study on I Peter, but I am also reading in a chronological Bible. This morning's reading was the book of Job. I've read the book of Job many times, but the beauty of God's Word is that He always brings something fresh from it. So this morning as I read about God giving Satan permission to strike all of Job's possessions, including the lives of His children, I realized something: not only did Job trust God, God trusted Job. When the Lord said to Satan: "have you considered my servant Job..." God knew that Job would continue to trust and serve Him no matter what tragedy he endured. In a good way, it made me feel small. Here I am learning and trying to trust God. I wonder if sometimes the angels laugh at me or shake their heads in disbelief. I imagine them speaking to each other saying "Look at her -trying to trust our good and perfect Father". While trusting the Lord is a good and necessary thing, I think it is more remarkable to become a person who God can trust. In Job 1:20, after Job heard that his children had all been killed, it says he tore his robe and shaved his head. In that day, these were signs of mourning. Of course Job was grieved and devastated to lose all of his children. However, the Bible tells us that he tore his robe, shaved his head, and fell to the ground IN WORSHIP. As I considered this, it began to make more and more sense to me. Job was not expected to be happy about his losses. He did grieve and suffer. However, his grieving and suffering were in response to the circumstances. His response to God was worship - the same worship he gave when everything was good. Verse 22 tells us that in all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing. So now for the application. Yesterday Pastor Kent said in his sermon that if we hear the Word but do not obey (or apply) it, it equals nothing. I do not want my time spent in the Word this morning to amount to nothing so I need to contemplate how to apply this to my life. Last month, when I was hit with several painful losses in a short span of time, I knew better than to charge God with wrongdoing. However, my response was to ask Him why these things occurred. My response was not worship. I have spent these past six weeks learning to trust God more and more and while I do believe that is one of God's purposes for this season of my life, I am faced with a new goal: becoming a person who God can trust.

Seek Ye First...

When I was a child I didn't always listen to my Mother. I know, contain your shock. One of the things she used to say to me all the time was: "Raquel, do you think I talk just to hear myself?" I think God has the right to ask us the same question. I say that based on a "duh" moment I had this morning. Yesterday morning, it was my intention to wake up and spend my time with the Lord before beginning the days tasks. However, when I woke up I was still groggy and didn't want to get out of bed yet. So I asked my sister to give me her laptop and I stayed in bed playing on the computer for about an hour. I was still thinking that spending time with the Lord was next. After the computer, I wanted to get my shower. So I did, still thinking time with the Lord was next. After the shower, I remembered I had laundry that needed done and I needed to get quarters. So I ran out to do that and stopped at Dunkin Donuts for breakfast. When I arrived back home, I intended to put a load in the washer, then grab my Bible. Well, my sister needed a ride to work. One task lead to another and before I knew it I was on my way to Wexford for a 1pm lunch appointment. I did manage to sneak a peek at my devotional book - at 4pm! I didn't seek the Lord first, and I ended up not seeking Him at all. So this morning I was determined not to do that again. I got up, grabbed my coffee (at home, not Dunkin Donuts) and got into the Word. And guess what... He spoke to me with specifics for my day. Imagine that! I bet He wanted to do the same thing yesterday. I guess that's why His Word tells us to seek first, because if we don't seek first, we won't seek at all. It was then I was reminded of my Mother's voice asking me if I think she talks just to hear herself. Whether consciously or not, I wonder how often we think that God speaks the precepts in His Word because He is on an authority high. Does He give us these rules and lists of do's and don't because He has the power and authority? Nope. He gives them because He loves us and cares for us. Any good parent tells their child to not touch a hot stove or to make sure they brush their teeth. They do that for the child's well being. God is a perfect parent. When He tells us to seek Him first, it's not so that He has a better day, it is so that we do.