There Will Be a Day

My heart is heavy today. I am thinking about two of my friends. These people have already endured more grief and pain than any human should ever have to bear, and now life finds them in yet another difficult situation.

Yet even with a sad and heavy heart, my face shows a little smile when I think about the journey I have had with Jesus. I think about the reactions I would have had earlier in my Christian walk and I think about the life lessons He has taught me that now cause me to respond differently.

See I would normally have one of two reactions: I would be angry with God or I would question Him. My prayer might have been something like "Lord, are you nuts?" or "why can't you spread the sorrow around more evenly - some folks seem to get more than others".

I have two funny stories that have helped me to not react like this. The first happened approximately 8 years ago. I had brought my young cousins to church with me. The boy was around 9 and his twin sisters were 3 or 4. After church we were all walking to my car when one of twins decided she wanted to run away - out towards the middle of a busy street! I screamed for her and tried to run but with 7 knee surgeries I don't run very well. Thankfully, her brother ran after her and tackled her to the ground inches short of a car trying to avoid hitting her. Well, let's just say I took that girl and applied the Board of Education to the Seat of Learning. (I bet you are waiting for the funny part...) The funny part was after I had gotten the disciplined one into her car seat, her twin sister came up to me and she was so angry with me. She had one hand on her hip and was point a finger at me yelling "you made Bonnie cry". I had to snicker. This girl stood right above my knees - and was telling me off. She was so mad and she was telling me all about it. It was all I could do to crack up at the absurdity of it - until I heard that still, small voice saying "looks silly, huh?" So.... that's what I look like when I yell at God. Thankfully, He sees me the same way I saw my 3 year old cousin. I wasn't angry with her - in fact I admired her defense of her sister. I understood her heart, but knew she was too young to understand. I think God understands our hearts, and knows we are too human to understand.

So I typically don't get angry with God anymore. The questioning God part can still be difficult sometimes. I don't mean to question Him in a sassy sort of way. I just long to understand. I wish I knew His logic, His thinking, His reasoning.... oh I better be careful. Someone else wanted to be like God and that desire caused His permanent demise. However, I do think its natural for us to try to make sense of things. We want to understand why things happen. We want life to be logical and we want reasons and answers for things. Unfortunately, many times there are no answers. We waste energy when we try to make things add up, they just don't.

One day, I was talking with another friend who had been through what I believe is the worse pain a person can go through. She was trying to find answers, to bring the logic to the situation. While we were talking, we were walking into a grocery store and I noticed an ant on the ground. I made the analogy of the ant trying to make sense out of what we were doing. What if the ant tried to determine why we brought ice cream instead of candy bars. We kinda got silly with it, but I said told her to be ready, because when we were done shopping, the ant was going to ask us why we shopped the way we did. Silly, right? Exactly. Humans trying to figure God out is like an ant asking us why we shopped the way we did. Absurd.

But again, God's tender heart doesnt mind our questions. He allows us to come to Him with all our messed up thoughts, questions, emotions. We can come as we are and lay our burdens before Him and we will find that He lovingly takes them from us. No, He doesn't change our circumstances typically. God is not a genie in a lamp. But He is a loving Father and His heart breaks when ours does.

So now, on days like today when I am sad, when my thoughts are with my friends and I hate the fact that I can do nothing but keep them in prayer... I don't become angry with God, I don't question Him, I run to Him. And when I run to Him, He comforts me. He reminds me that sin, sickness, and death were never His idea. He had plan perfection for us. We messed it up in the Garden of Eden and have been messing it up ever since. But He is a Redeemer and His redemptive power is so much greater than our sin and its consequences.

As I give Him my concerns and trust my friends to His care, He reminds me that there will be a day when His original intention will become reality. Revelation 21:4 tells us that He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.

Christian singer and songwriter Jeremy Camp wrote about that day...

I can?t wait until that day where the very one
I've lived for always will wipe away the sorrow that I've faced
To touch the scars that rescued me from a life of shame and misery
O, this is why, this is why I sing

There will be a day with no more tears
No more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place
Will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face

I am so grateful to know the Lord. And I will keep running to Him - until that day when I run into His arms, and stay there. :)