Eyes to See

Remember the show Touched By An Angel? When it was on primetime television, I watched it all the time. I thought some episodes were great, while others were a little cheesy. However, there was one episode that will stick with me forever - the series finale. When the series was coming to an end, they aired a two hour finale titled I Will Walk With You. The first time I saw it I not only cried like a baby (no surprise there) but the hair on my arms was standing up and I had chills down my spine. Well, thanks to Netflix, I watched it again this weekend. I won't tell the whole story, but there was town whose people were devastated by a terrible tradegy. As they struggled to deal with their pain and loss, both as individuals and as a community, their eyes had become blinded. All they saw was their own circumstance and their own pain. The scary thing was Satan himself was actually among them. He walked with them and talked with them. He lied and caused division among them because that's what he does. The people could not see him because all they saw was their own mess. As scary as that was, it was scary and sad to note what else they couldn't see: Jesus. Jesus was right there with them and they didn't know. In fact, they started seeing Jesus as the cause of their problems, not the solution. (The writers must have read Scripture before writing this episode). So I watched it again. I was amazed. I cried. I got chills. And I fell into the same trap. We fall so easily. Our circumstances become all we see. I wonder how many times I have missed the presence of the Lord in the midst of difficult circumstances. And I wonder how many times the enemy was at work and I thought it was other people. Oh for eyes to see. In the devotional I am reading, it says we can let our problems bring us down into a sea of self-pity. On the contrary, we can turn our problems into a ladder and climb up and see things from the Lord's perspective. I need that divine enablement to do just that.

Choosing Busyness

It's Thursday morning and though I hate to admit it, this is the first morning this week that I have spent time with the Lord. Oh I have prayed and I have glanced at my devotional book - sometimes at the end of the day - but I have not spent the quality time with the Lord that I need until this morning. I have felt it. I have felt the difference in my spirit which eventuallys flows through to my words and actions and emotions. So why did I allow this to happen? Let's see... Monday and Tuesday I overslept and had to run to scheduled events of the day. Yesterday, I woke up and notice a problem and rushed off to take care of the problem and then into the other events of the day. Last night as I realized "how busy" I have been this week, I realized that I was not a victim of busyness. I was a victim of my poor choices. Christians are famous for making themselves victims of busyness. Sometimes, we get so busy doing the Lord's work that we forget the Lord. Other times, we get busy and forget the Lord's priorities. The Lord always prioritizes the eternal over the temporal. So what is eternal? Only two things - our relationships with God and our relationships with other people. Those are the only two things that will matter for all of eternity. Yet when we get busy, those are the two things that we forsake. Now don't get me wrong... everyone today is busy. My to-do list today is long and what is on it does need to be done. However, nothing on that list is more important than the Lord or the people He puts in my path. Am I rushing from one task to the next and not noticing the hurt in someone's eyes as I rush by them? Have I filled my day so full that I have not five minutes to call, email, or text a friend who is going through a rough time and simply check on them? You know, when I was in Bible College I heard an acronym for busy: Being Under Satan's Yoke. While there is some truth to that, I think most of the time we are under the yoke we have chosen to place on ourselves. This is simply not God's way for us to live because when we choose to live this way, we end up hurting ourselves and sometimes other people. I have definitely hurt myself this week and have possibly hurt some others. I think if we allow ourselves to become too busy for God and other people, we are simply too busy. However, we are not victims of our busyness, we are victims of our choices. So this morning as I spent my time with the Lord, I've brought my to-do list before Him. I'm allowing Him to show me what His priorities are for my day. After arranging my to-do list according to what He showed me, He leaves me with this: Keep my eyes focused on Him while I do these tasks, and keep my eyes open for the people He puts in my path. His ways are always so much better than ours. :)

Discipleship

Back in 1988 when I accepted Jesus as my personal Savior and began to walk in relationship with Him, I was blessed to be a part of the church that excelled in Biblical teaching. I was given in-depth teaching about core doctrine. After those first principles were instilled, the teaching continued to build. One of things they taught me that has stuck with me through the years is the importance of having a Christian mentor - someone who is spiritually older and wiser and has been walking with the Lord longer. Scripture is full of verses about the importance of spiritual leaders as well as many examples of Biblical characters who have mentored and were mentored. Throughout my Christian life, God has always been faithful to provide me with one no matter where I have gone. The funny thing is that I have never sought them out - the Lord has just made it happen. When I went to Bible College, I found Ann Marie who was my supervisor at Burger King. She poured into me during my two years there and stayed in touch when I returned home until she went to be with Jesus a few years ago. When I returned to Pittsburgh and to my home church, I found a new pastor had been hired and he became mentor for many years before moving on to Orchard Hill Church. When I came to North Way in 2007, God supplied me with a faithful mentor who has stood by me for the past five years. While I did not purposely seek out these folks, God hand-picked them for me for that season. Once I began to mature spiritually, one of my mentors told me it was time to start serving and mentoring others. This is discipleship. The Bible tells us to go and make disciples, not converts. Nowhere in Scripture does it talk about getting saved and then being on your own. We are meant to disciple and to be discipled until we see Jesus face to face and are made complete. I am thankful that I learned this foundational truth early on, and God has provided for me ever since. I pray He makes me as good of discipler as the folks He has given me.

Not in Our Strength

Last night I attended Family Guidance's annual Volunteer Appreciation Banquet. The President of Family Guidance opened in prayer and said that we were in a room filled with like-minded and like-hearted people. We really were. The Lord blessed me by sitting me in between Joanne, my fearless mentoring supervisor, and Chad and Kristin - two of my heros in the faith. The Lord always speaks to me during these banquets and this year was no exception. Even though I see my mentee almost every week, I had lost my fire and passion for mentoring. It had just grown stale. Sometimes, I felt like I was just punching a clock when I picked her up. Not that anything is wrong in our relationship, I just get tired and I have found that tiredness breeds self-centeredness. The speaker last night talked about being tired (of course). She spoke about wanting time for herself and wanting some privacy and just losing the zeal for ministry. She encouraged us by reminding us that this is where God comes in. Mentoring is His ministry that He has called us to, therefore, He will equip us and give us the power to mentor when our power runs low. She encouraged us to pray and invited God into our mentoring. The Bible says that His strength is made perfect in our weakness. So when I am feeling weak and just want to spend a Saturday afternoon on my couch, I can pray for His power to give me the will and the strength to keep on in His work. So this morning I am getting ready to pick up my mentee. I began the morning in prayer and I am confident that God is equipping me to pour into my girl for a few hours. And if I know my Savior, I will end up being more blessed than my mentee in the end!

Consider it pure joy....

The North Way ladies who participate in the Beth Moore studies just finished a study on the book of James. James starts out by telling his readers: "Consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Perseverance must finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." Many folks know that I am in a season of darkness, trial, and loss. I have rehearsed this Scripture and quoted it to myself many times. I am cool with allowing perseverance to finish its work. I am looking forward to being mature and complete one day. But "consider it joy"??? Yeah, I'll get right on that! Admittedly, I have never really understood that Scripture. I have also read stories of people like Corrie Ten Boom who thanked God for the trials and pain she faced. I truthfully thought that goal was unattainable for me - like I might run in the Pittsburgh Marathon first! Yesterday afternoon more pain came for me. As I sat on my couch and cried, I wondered how much more pain I would have to endure - and how in the world I was supposed to be thankful for it. Well, James also tells us that if anyone lacks wisdom, they should ask for it. So I did, and I received. Through conversations and events that unfolded yesterday afternoon and evening, God began to show me a more in-depth look at His heart and His love for His people. He showed me how we (and more specifically I) cause Him pain daily. He wants to pour out His love and care on us, yet we ignore Him and seek blessing in other places. We say we love Him and He is our Lord, yet we get too busy for Him. We act like spending time with Him is a chore, not a joy. But all the while, God just keeps on loving us. He keeps on caring no matter how much pain we cause Him. He never turns His back on us. He never gives up on us when we wander away. He forgives us when our mouths tell Him one thing, and our actions speak otherwise. None of this changes Him or how He loves us. He loves unconditionally, and even loves through His pain - as we witnessed on the cross. I saw this in a new and deeper way yesterday. It changed me. Last night I realized that I never would have seen this if it weren't for the pain in my own life. God had to bring me pain to show me His pain - and therefore show me His deep love for us. Does my heart still hurt? Yes. But I am also filled with such joy. God allowed me to see more of Him and know Him deeper. If this is what I get when life's trials come... then I really can consider it pure joy. Nothing brings me more joy than the heart of my Savior - and if it takes pain to open my eyes... than I am thankful for the pain.

Unexpected Blessings

Yesterday I learned another valuable lesson in humility and trust. I was invited to lunch by a fellow deacon. I know this person and have always liked her, but I hesitated to go to lunch with her. I have been so down in the dumps lately and when I get like that I tend to only want to be around those closest to me. The only problem I was having is that those closest to me where nowhere to be found. Admittedly, my pride was in the way. I knew this person would ask some personal questions and I was ashamed to talked about them. Knowing that pride and shame are not things that belong in the heart of a believer, I accepted her invitation. I ended up being blessed far beyond what I ever could have imagined. Not only did I receive a huge material blessing, but worth far more I received the gift of her understanding and empathy. When I told her of three huge personal losses I have suffered in a short period of time, she totally understood how devasting it was for me. Until that lunch, I have yet to find someone who could articulate their understanding of my pain. It brought a comfort that I can't even fully explain. So what's the lesson? During this season of trial and loss, I knew God would take care of me. I knew He would provide for me and support me with care. However, I had it all figured out as to how He would bring the blessing. I assumed (yes, I know what they say about that) that God would use those closest to me to care for me. However, God intended to bring my blessing through an unexpected vessel. It left me wondering... how many other people did I shut out because they weren't in my inner circle? How much blessing did I miss out on? On Sunday, Pastor Doug spoke of waking up early and asking God what He would like us to do with our day. Maybe, if I had done that, I would have received what He had for me, however He wanted to deliver it. Instead, I wasted time looking at closed doors and lamenting the closures. I think this is another way that we unknowningly play god in our own lives. We plan, design, assume, and sculpt the days events and simply ask for His blessing. When we truly allow God to be God and ordain our every moment - we receive far more than we ever could have planned for ourselves. I pray this is a lesson that I won't need taught again!

Maturing in Worship

Since hearing one of the best sermons ever on Sunday, I have continued to ponder and pray about how to apply the message to my walk with the Lord. Specifically, when Pastor Doug spoke of the angel telling Joshua to take off his shoes because he was on holy ground, he explained that perhaps we do not hear from God because we need to mature in our worship. The other points of the sermon were easier to apply. I had to pray and ask the Lord what maturing in worship means for me. I am certain it meant more than worshipping barefoot! So for two days I have asked the Lord how I can mature in my worship. This morning in my quiet time I got my answer. It wasn't an easy one, but it was the answer - and God even confirmed it when I read my devotional book an hour later. You see, I have always considered myself a worshipper. I worship wholeheartedly in church. My car is often a sanctuary on wheels, and when I am home alone I often put on youtube worship videos. So, that makes me a worshipper, right? NOT! What God showed me this morning is that it is easy to worship with the music to stimulate the senses. I mean, who doesn't worship with Rob Burkey's powerful voice filling the room or with Chris Tomlin blaring on the radio? Yesterday, I went for a drive and watched the sunset. It was beautiful and I put in North Way's Worship CD and began to worship - because my eyes and ears were stimulated and worship was a natural response. But what happens when the music stops? How much do I worship when I am not looking at a sunset but staring at a stack of problems? When I am no longer in a room full of fellow worshippers but all alone at home, does the worship continue? Not always. God showed me that maturing in worship means to keep your heart in an attitude of worship all the time. It means worshipping Him when a job lead falls through. It means worshipping Him when your heart gets broken and you don't understand why. It means worshipping Him when the friends who promised to stand with you are nowhere to be found. Worship is an act of recogizing God for who He is and where He stands. He is above all. He is in control of all things. And He loves us more than we can imagine and He wants good for us even when life seems to be falling apart. Keeping my heart in an attitude of worship is the next step in maturity for me. I'm thankful I heard God on this one.

Sunday's Service

This past Sunday was one of those services that seemed like every aspect was designed just for me. It was the first time that I had heard Kassi's song "Answer Me" and the words to the song depicted exactly where I am in my walk with the Lord. On April 3rd, I unexpectedly lost my job. This was followed by two personal losses that continue to be very painful. I have spent the past few weeks trying to hear from God. I obviously needed guidance on my job search and what He has next for me. I also needed to hear from God on how to get through the pain of losing what was precious and dear to me. For the past two weeks, I have been fully aware the God has not forsaken me and that His presence is with me. However, hearing Him on the specifics just was not happening. As I sat in the service on Sunday though, God could not have spoken more clearly with audible voice. Wouldn't you know... the sermon was on the subject of Hearing God - and Pastor Doug knocked it out of the park! More to follow...

I'm Back!

I began to blog in 2010, but I had to stop when I was informed that having a blog was against company rules where I worked. I lost my job two weeks ago and it just hit me this morning that I can blog once again!