The Real Reality

Those of you who know me well know that I have a list of pet peeves. Traffic, slow drivers, people who speak while others are speaking, etc. My good friends know that one of my biggest pet peeves is that ridiculous question: "is the glass half empty or half full?" You see, I am neither an optimist, nor a pessimist. I am a realist. The answer to that most ridiculous question is: "YES". It is not an either/or, it is a both/and. The glass is both half empty and half full. Both parts are true. One part does not negate the other. I think both the optimist and the pessimist live in denial - of the other truth. For the past week God has been teaching me some things and this morning He showed me that I am right about the glass. Oh, but don't think I am going to use this blog to stomp on the optimists and pessimists. Oh no - this blog is called Life Lessons Learned Along the Way and I used it to share what God teaches me through life and His Word and that often involves me receiving correction from Him in some way or another. I may be right about the proverbial glass, but I was dead wrong on a more important subject. For the past several weeks, I have been really down in the dumps. I have tried to hide it, but you all know how well I do at not being transparent. I just havent felt "right". I havent felt peace, contentment... all the things I know I should have. I wasn't quite sure why I felt this way. I wondered if it was hormones. Or perhaps the fact that my friend and mentor of over ten years moved to heaven and I was just working through the grief. Earlier this week my friend and current spiritual mentor said something that struck a nerve. She said "I sense such an overwhelming unhappiness in you". Yikes! That is not a Christian should be portraying! So at first I sat there and tried to justify my feelings. I listed all the reasons I had to be unhappy: I just attended the funeral of a good friend. I am 38, single, and childless - always at the top of the list. My life isnt what I thought it would be. My best friend is about to move to the other side of the planet. My family isnt "normal". I never wanted a career. I wanted to be in full time ministry but I have bills to pay. So of course my faithful friend helped to me shift focus to the other truth of the glass. She spoke of all the blessings God has given me - and I began to make the mental list of things I am grateful for. I only have a high school diploma - but I have an outstanding job. I am living on my own and my bills are paid. I am a member of a wonderful church where I can be used in the areas I'm gifted in. I have a long list of wonderful friends and people who love me. I have one friend that texts me at random, unexpected moments and she has no idea how much joy that brings me. I have another friend who, when I first met her, I never thought I would be worthy of her friendship. I never thought I would be good enough to be in her inner friendship circle. We became friends - good enough to have lunch together on her birthday. God has allowed me to mentor a young girl in the inner city for 5 years and watch her grow. So I went over this list with my friend and I believe every part of it. But this list of things I am grateful for didnt take my unhappiness away. I didnt understand it. I found myself asking the question in Psalms: "Why so downcast oh my soul?" After my conversation with my mentor, God began slowly showing me that my communication with Him has been minimal. Being so busy and having many late nights, I chose to sleep in until the last minute in the mornings and had no time in the Word. My moments with Him were quick 5 minute prayers in the car. Going a few days like that is one thing - I went 3 weeks. And boy, have I become weak. Spiritually weak. Though I felt a void, I didnt recognize it as a longing for my Creator and Savior, I tried to fill it with other things: relationships, shopping, even pursuing ministries that God hasnt called me to - or at least not yet. Nothing worked. I couldnt shake this unhappiness - and I chastised myself for being unhappy. Well, this morning I woke up and though I have a huge to-do list for this weekend, I decided I was spending time with the Lord first, however long it took. I felt Him nudge me to begin the study that I will lead in two weeks - a study of the life of David. I read the first two sentences of the introduction and already God was speaking right into my life. I have been at this desk for 2 and half hours. I have been in the Word, I have been communicating with the Lord. I have been corrected and instructed by the Lord. And of course I have worshipped the Lord. Funny - not a trace of that unhappiness lingers. I have HIS joy, I have HIS peace. Its not a hyper, jump up and down kind of joy. Its a calm, satifying, inner peace and joy that comes only from time in His Presence. During the study lead me to Ephesians 6 - the well known portion on the armor of God. He showed me the countless times I neglected to put on the belt of truth and then got slaughterd by lies that I believed. Through an old testament story of Jonathan and his armor bearer, God showed me how I left myself susceptible to the enemy by not walking closely with Him. You see, I wasnt unhappy because of my list of negatives (the half empty part of the glass of my life). And focusing my thoughts on the positives (the half full part) didnt magically make me happy. Both of those lists are true. All of those things I listed still CO-EXIST in my life. They are reality. But Pastor Jay said several years ago that the Word of God has got to be MORE REAL than the circumstances we face. The real reality for me is that I am a child of God. I am a created being that needs to be in communication and fellowship with her Creator. I need to be seeking Him first every day, seeking His will for each moment, spending time in His Word and allowing it to be a lamp for my feet and a light to my path. I need to put on the belt of His truth every day and walk closly with Him. He is my reality. He is my source. He is my joy and my peace. This morning as I felt the washing of the water of His Word like a waterfall over me, I feel restored. There is nothing different about my circumstances. They havent changed. But I have. I pray I can continue to stay close to Jesus through the next few very busy months. Friends, if you catch me becoming overwhelmingly unhappy... please encouage me to get in the Word. Thanks.