Giving Thanks for God's Reckless Love

It’s Thanksgiving Day and obviously I have so much to be thankful for. I can list all the usual stuff: Jesus, family, friends, church, etc. This morning however, the thing that I am most thankful for is a little unusual. I am thankful for the promise of Romans 8. No, I do not mean Romans 8:28, though I am thankful for that too. I am speaking of Romans 8:1. There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

Why am I rehearsing this Scripture on Thanksgiving morning? Honestly, because it has saved me this week and has given me renewed hope.

About two weeks, God revealed to me, much to my unhappy surprise, that I have a big nasty sin in my life. This sin is the root of many of my other surface level issues. It’s the sin of pride. I have never considered myself a prideful person. It was honestly the last thing I thought my problem was. For Pete’s sake, I am the one who has struggled with low-self esteem and insecurity. How could I possibly have the sin of pride? I have always thought of pride as being haughty or arrogant. Self-boastful. Puffed-up. I am not those things, at least I hope not. Oh, but sin is often subtler. So subtle, in fact, that it sometimes takes the flashlight of the Holy Spirit to cause you to see how hideous it actually is.

I honestly had no idea how much my pride affects various areas of my life. I was raised in a very strict environment. I am actually thankful for that. In my home, in the church where I began my Christian walk, and even in my Bible College, when you did not tow the line there were consequences. No one got away with anything. Lord knows I needed that kind of training. However, since those “boot camp” days, I often struggle when I see folks getting away with things that I would have been corrected for. Even things as small as fast food restaurants. During my Bible College years, I worked at Burger King. We were timed. From the time a car pulled up to the drive thru window, we had four minutes to have them pull away with their food. When we missed that deadline, a buzzer would go off and heads would fly. If deadlines were missed 3 times, you lost your job. Now, there is nothing fast about fast food and each time I wait in a drive thru and watch these apathetic kids moving like thick sludge, I get inwardly angry that they are not facing the same consequence that I did. It’s a silly thing to get upset about, but I often want to be able to take charge and give them a consequence like I had.

Speaking of taking charge, this pride is my besetting sin at my job. For over 20 years, all my supervisors have told me that I am territorial with my work and I do not like to share my workload with others. If I am painfully honest here, it is because I do not trust anyone to do the work as well as I can. I am not perfect with my work. I make mistakes. When I am out of the office and a co-worker handles my job, I often come back and look at the work they did and get irritated with it. It’s not because they did it wrong, they simply did it differently than I would do it – so to me, its wrong.

In both current and former places of employment, I have been known as the Kitchen Nazi. I inflict my OCD tendencies on everyone. In my current office, the staff members rotate kitchen duty. Each week, someone is responsible for cleaning the kitchen in the evenings, and emptying the dishwasher each morning. My department works an earlier shift than the rest of the office and each morning I unload the dishwasher – to ensure that it is done correctly. One days that I am off, I have seen folks commit heinous crimes of putting teaspoons together with tablespoons, sharp knives in the same slot as butter knives, and similar types of mugs and glasses mixed together in the cabinets. Well, who can think about portfolio accounting with such atrocities occurring? So, I come in each morning and do it myself and then confidently sit at my desk knowing everything is as it should be. Often times, the person on duty will come and thank me, thinking I was just helping them out. I don’t do it for them, I do it for me. Pride.

None of these things showed me how huge and intense my sin actually is. A few days ago, however, the Holy Spirit exchanged His flashlight for a spotlight and the size and ugliness of my sin left me shocked and devastated. My sin nearly ruined the best night of the year – All Worship Night. The Tuesday before Thanksgiving is my favorite day of the year. Ninety minutes of non-stop corporate worship with more intensity and fervor than our typical weekly services. It is as close to heaven as you can get on earth, a picture of what we will do for eternity.

This year, my circumstances were a little different because I am in a new small group and we decided to sit together and go to dinner afterwards. The event is always crowded and seats are first come, first serve. I was there an hour early to save seats for my group – which is a stressful task. I had asked my group how many seats to save and I was told 7. I had the contents of my purse strewn over a row of seats for an hour and I was guarding them with my life (or the lives of others that might have tried to sit down). This is not the way to prepare your heart for worship.

During my teenage and young adult years, I was richly educated in corporate worship. I understood it from a Biblical perspective and I have studied it in depth. I know its more than just singing songs. I specifically remember my youth leader teaching us that you need to prepare your heart to enter into corporate worship. You can’t walk in late, talk to folks and then all of sudden magically appear in the Holy of Holies consumed with worship. (that’s not how this works, that’s not how any of this works). I was taught to respect corporate worship and also to respect spiritual leadership. When I didn’t show respect, I was corrected – sometimes publicly.

In my mind, I hold others to the standards that I was held to, and when they violate these standards, I react the same way I do to slow fast food workers. I want them to be corrected like I was. Moreover, I struggle with not allowing the actions of others to distract me from worship. I can’t focus on the Lord when others walk in late and walk around me or when people are talking to each other after worship begins. Now, I do think folks should learn to respect corporate worship and not be a distraction to others. However, I cannot change them. I can only change myself – and I have not discovered a way to not allow them to distract me.

While I was guarding a row of seats, people waited until 2 minutes before the start of the service to come in. Then, we had more than seven people needing seats. I didn’t mind others sitting with us, but I was not informed and so minutes before worship is supposed to begin, we are figuring out seats – and not focused on preparing our hearts for worship. At 7:02 (in Bible College, I was taught that if you are 5 minutes early, you are 10 minutes late), folks are still walking in and wanting to say hello while worship is getting started. The time to say hello is at 6:45, not 7:02. By this time, my heart is so far from worship – my heart is inundated with sin. I attempted to repent, ask God’s forgiveness, and focus on worship. Each time I tried to focus, someone around me was talking, either to me or to someone else around us. Our worship leader was teaching us a principle and folks were talking to each other while he was talking. I wanted to say to them “why are you disrespecting the worship leader?” It’s what would have been said to me. The congregation is ascending in worship and Raquel is not in one mind and one accord. She was strangled and restrained by her sin of pride. For an hour, I kept trying to focus. I kept hearing the Scripture verse “you worship Me with your lips, but your heart is far from Me”. I just wanted to go home, defeated and devastated. Try as I may, I could not fix myself. Then my thoughts began to spiral. I am about to go on a mission trip. Am I even a Christian? I cannot take this hideous ugly sin to Cambodia. (you know, cause sin on foreign soil must be worse than sin in your homeland… insert eye roll here).

The best night of year was becoming one of the worse nights of my life. I felt hopeless because I couldn’t fix myself. I could not just will myself to think and feel differently. I started to see my sin as a hideous monster with many tentacles. These tentacles were reaching to multiple areas of my life, destroying my Christian character, ruining my witness, possibly damaging relationships….

I couldn’t even pray anymore. I began to do the only thing I knew to do. I began to simply call the name Jesus. I kept whispering Jesus over and over. I was a SOS cry for help.

I called. He answered. And He came to my rescue. We began to sing a song that I have never heard before. A few verses of the lyrics caught me:

God of salvation
You chased down my heart through all of my failure and pride
On a hill You created
The light of the world abandoned in darkness to die

And as You speak
A hundred billion failures disappear
Where You lost Your life so I could find it here
If You left the grave behind You, so will I
I can see Your heart in everything You've done
Every part designed in a work of art called love
If You gladly chose surrender, so will I


I had felt like I had a hundred billion failures. The song actually spoke of failure and pride. But God has chased after my heart even with this ugly sin in it. And through Jesus’s death on the cross, He did what I could not do, He defeated that monster.

I know that Jesus has paid the price for my sin of pride. I know He has forgiven me. I also know He has conquered that sin. But I still struggle with it. The war has been won, but the battle rages on. So, this morning, on Thanksgiving morning, I turned to the familiar portion of Scripture in Romans 7. Verse 14 says: “the trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead I do what I hate.” Verses 18 and 19 continue: I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong but I do it anyway…. It is sin living in me that does it.” Verse 24: “What a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life of sin and death?”

Here comes the hope! Verse 25: “Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord.”

Jesus defeated the power of sin on the cross. It is now the work of the Holy Spirit to transform me into the likeness and character of Jesus. Romans 8:5 tells me my role in this. It says that those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit. Letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. It is my job to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. That isn’t easy. It takes work and discipline. But as I take every thought captive, the Holy Spirit will do His part in transforming me from the inside out. That process is called sanctification. The awesome thing is, when this pride is fully uprooted and no evidence of it remains in me, all will know that it was the work of the Holy Spirit, for only He had enough power to overcome and transform.

Ironically, I had just had a conversation with someone about pageant dramas we used to do in my former church. I was a banner carrier. We had the "Jehovah banners". Each one contained a name of God. Jehovah Jireh - The Lord our Provider. Jehovah Rapha - The Lord our Healer. My banner was Jehovah M'Kaddesh - The Lord our Sanctification. It has been decades since my hands have held that red pole and hoisted up that shiny red cloth. But make no mistake - that is still my banner! The spirit realm sees it everyday and it reminds the enemy of Jesus's defeat of sin in my life. And it reminds me.

So, this Thanksgiving, I am thankful that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. And I am thankful for the truth of another new song that we heard on All Worship Night, the song that finally freed me to worship. The song is called Reckless Love.

When I was Your foe, still Your love fought for me
You have been so, so good to me
When I felt no worth, You paid it all for me
You have been so, so kind to me

Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
Oh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the ninety-nine
I couldn't earn it, and I don't deserve it, still, You give Yourself away
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God!

Shattered - Lessons Learned Through Grief, Loss, and Pain

November 5, 2016. One year ago, I received an invitation to breakfast at Cracker Barrell – one of my favorite breakfast restaurants. I was excited. The excitement didn’t last long. It was over breakfast that I received the news that left me completely and utterly shattered. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. I did nothing the rest of the day but sit on the couch and sob. I could barely pray… thankfully, uttering the name of Jesus was prayer enough.

In the days and weeks following, I tried to survive on being a good Christian. I worshiped, I prayed, I quoted Scripture to myself all day long. I knew all the promises of Scripture. I knew God loved me. I knew He wants what is best for me. I knew there was one set of footprints… but the grief was unbearable. For weeks I was grateful that my office had a door, for I had to close it many times when the tears wouldn’t respect the fact that I was at work. I had plenty of family and friends who loved me. However, they were unable to fully understand my pain and their well-intended words ran like water off a duck’s back.

My world became darker and darker until finally I swallowed my pride and went for professional counseling. The healing process was slow but sure. Gradually, light came back and pushed out the darkness. For months though, the smallest thing could bring a lump in my throat and tears out of nowhere.

Ironically, a year later, I find myself dealing with similar feelings. No, the circumstance is not the same, nor is it anywhere near as severe, but the hurt is similar and the pain just as real. Once again, it is something that no human can fully understand, unless they have been through it themselves. The good news is, although I am dealing with a similar type of pain, I am not the same person I was a year ago. I am wiser and perhaps a bit stronger.

Every Christian knows that God is the Potter and we are the clay. He is continually molding and shaping us to be more and more like Jesus. Sometimes, that process is gentle and we barely notice it. Sometimes, He must press a little harder and life gets uncomfortable. And sometimes, the only way the Potter can get the desired result is to break us and start over. I don’t believe that God causes or brings us pain. I do believe that pain is a tool in our Potter’s hands and sometimes we have to be completely shattered so that He can rebuild and restore us. The rebuilt and restored version is most often stronger and more beautiful.

I have learned so much from that dark time. I think the most valuable lesson I learned is now helping me to process this current difficult season. It may sound simple and obvious, but I have learned that is okay to grieve. It is okay to be sad, to be hurt, to cry, to feel lonely. It’s okay to feel like no one understands – because they don’t. Proverbs 14:10 says: “each heart knows its own bitterness and no one else can share its joy”. Even the most loving and caring individuals simply cannot understand the pain of our hearts; it’s not that they don’t want to, they are simply incapable.

I can hear someone saying “but God understands”. This leads me to the second thing I have learned. I have learned to not let the cliché’s hurt me. Oh they used to – and I had a comeback for each one.



“The Lord gives and Lord takes away” - Yes, but loss still hurts

“The Lord has something better for you” - Um, okay but I may not feel like its “better” until I
reach the Pearly Gates.

“You deserve_______ fill in the blank” - You know, it hurts to hear that I deserve something
that I do not have. If I deserved it, wouldn’t I have it?

“God loves you and is always with you” - No duh. When your kids were hurting, did their
knowledge that you loved them take their pain away?

“God works everything for our good” - Again, no duh. It doesn’t say all things ARE good.


And then there is my absolute favorite…..


“Jesus is all you need” - I cannot type my responses to this. But I have since
repented for them.


No honey. Jesus is not all you need. When you are physically hungry, knowledge of Jesus and His love for you and His continual presence with you does not take away the hunger pains – only food can do that. When you are physically cold, your body needs heat. The love of Jesus may warm your heart, but your body needs physical heat when it is cold.

Along the same lines, when you are lonely or grieving a loss, the love and presence of Jesus does not remove the pain. We understand this when a physical death has occurred – we would never tell a widow that God is enough for them. For some reason, when loss other than death occurs, we are quick to remind folks that God is always with them and will never leave them or forsake them. It’s true – but not helpful.

All these clichés, though true, do little but bring guilt on the one who is already suffering. It causes us to feel like our faith is weak, like we are not trusting God enough, like we don’t have the right to be sad because we are Christians and Christians should be joyful.

Thanks be to God, I have been delivered from the sting of these clichés. I realize they come from people who love me and try their best to help. I think one day I shall write a book: “Silly Stabs From Sweet Souls”.

Which leads me to the final thing I learned through being shattered. I have learned to have hope.
The pain that I had last year has passed. Yes, it passed like a kidney stone, but it passed. The pain I am in right now, will pass – probably like another kidney stone, but it will pass. We learned in Beth Moore’s study of the book of Daniel that sometimes the Lord delivers us from the fire and sometimes He delivers us THROUGH the fire. But we always pass through. As Christians, we can have joy while in sorrow. I am not talking about the kind of joy that acts happy when you’re crushed in pain. We can be joyful IN HOPE. Romans 12:12 tells us to be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer.

My favorite book of the Bible, Ecclesiastes, tells us that there is a time and season for everything. I time to be born and a time to die, a time to laugh and time to mourn, etc. This is why we can be joyful in hope – because we know that our pain is only for a season. It will end. For those who have lost a loved one to death, that pain may never fully end until we join them in heaven – but it will end. I am reminded of the verse from Amazing Grace: “the Lord has promised good to me, His Word my hope secures”. If everything was good, we would not need His Word to secure our hope. But we can be secure in that hope – even in the midst of grief, loss, and pain. And when we are in the midst of grief, loss, and pain – it is okay to be sad. It is okay to cry. It is okay to feel pain and even to long for what we have lost.

Yes, God will rebuild. God will restore. God will redeem. He will make something beautiful from your shattered pieces. You’ll be stronger, wiser, more like Jesus. You will eventually be able to say “it was good for me that I was afflicted” because you will see the refining work of pain and you will be drawn closer to the Potter through the process. But the process hurts more than words can describe. It’s okay to grieve.

And folks, if you love someone who is grieving. Just be there. Don’t analyze their reaction to the situation. Don’t minimize what they are feeling because you don’t understand it or can’t relate to it. Don’t try to encourage them or cheer them up – you can’t. You may unintentionally hurt them in the process. Just be there. Call or text frequently. Let them know they are on your radar. And be joyful in hope along with them.