Life can be hard. Lately its been a little harder than usual for me. I wont go in to all the reasons, but I have been feeling not at all like myself and feeling like I am simply existing. I get up, I go to work, I go home and rest up to prepare to work again. No matter what job you have, the daily grind can well, grind you. Spiritually I have felt lifeless. Knowing that my name is permanently written in the Lamb's Book of Life has been my spiritual life support - knowing my salvation is secure. However, I know this is just a season - a dry spell. And tonight, my heart got some much needed rain.
Since my life drastically changed a year ago, I have had to step away from some of my ministry activities. Though, I haven't stopped mentoring, I stopped going to LAMP meetings. About a month ago, I was asked to make an exception and attend tonight's quarterly meeting. They wanted me to be on a panel of "seasoned, experienced mentors". So I agreed. I was excited to go and finally see our church's East End campus in the city. I loved it. The two hours that followed were wonderful.
I got a little concerned at first. I was under the impression that the room would be filled with primarily "new" mentors who wanted to learn from those who have been mentoring for awhile. As people began to come in, I saw that was not the case. Most people there were just as seasoned as those on the panel, if not more so.
But when Pastor Bryan opened the meeting he said we were just going to share stories. So we did. I was in a room full of rock stars - full of people who line the pages of my unwritten book - Raquel's Book of Heros.
Just being with these folks brought me to life. So many of them have such wonderful testimonies - and if you didn't know them, you would never know the amazing things God has done through them.
I looked at Beth. Beth and I started mentoring around the same time and we went to a Fall picnic sponsored by Family Guidance. I was three months into my mentoring relationship and Rashawnda was only 12. At that time, Beth's mentee was a demon-possessed, out of control, horrible child. The way she acted around my mentee made me want to grab Rashawnda and run. She spoke so cruely to Beth - just rude and cocky beyond the normal teenage way. But Beth stuck with her. For six plus years Beth has stood by this girl and now she is a beautiful young lady. A junior in high school with dreams of getting into Penn State. She isn't perfect - she still has typical teenage issues. But the transformation is astounding - all because Beth kept showing up. Beth is quiet and humble and unless you are friends with her, you would never know the amazing service she has for the Lord.
Then I looked at Kelly. Kelly and her husband Greg were one of the first to jump on board with mentoring. Greg works full time. He has to - they have four children. But one of the things I love about Greg ... I have no idea what he does. Because his job doesnt define him - its just how he earns a living. Who is Greg? A Christ follower, a husband, a father, a mentor, an elder in the church - in that order. When Greg and Kelly's first mentee moved away, they immediately got another one. Then the first one moved back - so they mentor two boys. Greg works, Kelly has her hands full with four children - involved in sports and other kid activities. Yet they have never been "too busy" to mentor or too focused on their own to give to someone else.
Kristin. I have to be careful that I don't cross the line into idol worship here. LOL. Kristin and Chad are my heros. Chad is a school teacher/band director. Kristin gives private music lessons. My point is they both have jobs. They have three biological children who are too precious for words. Then they adopted a boy from Ethiopia. Through all of this, Kristin has remained a faithful mentor. Then Chad decided to mentor too. Wait a minute - they work, they have kids, they adopted a kid.. and yes, they both mentor. Chad once told me that he is blessed. Because he works in a school, he is done working between 3-3:30. Most men are done at 5. So he can use that time to mentor once a week.
And this ticker tape parade isnt over. Chad and Kristin had a nice house in the suburbs - in the community where Chad teaches. Feeling God's call, they sold their house and moved to the inner city.
Obviously, not everyone is called to live the life that they do. But these two are walking, living, breathing Gospels.
On the panel with me are Randy and Deanna. Deanna has been a school based mentor since the program began 7 years ago. When the boy she was mentoring in the school aged out of the school based program, her husband Randy signed up to be a one to one mentor so that the family would not lose touch with this boy. Randy spent many years as an executive in a company. He only recently retired from that position to become our church's executive finance pastor. Randy and Deanna have two biological children and two adopted children. They lead a small group and they lead multiple mission trips to Honduras each year. See they are real missionaries - because whether its in Honduras, or in Homewood, or in Wexford... they are missionaries each and every day everywhere they go. Living out the Gospel.
Looking across that room of mentors - I saw young twenty-somethings who still looked like teenagers and I saw some gray haired people who have been mentoring longer than I have been alive.
And I got to meet some people I havent met before. One lady has been a school based mentor for 6 years and she keeps losing kids because they move away. She shared many stories of difficulty and defeat, where many might have given up - but she keeps coming back and showing up because God has called her to do so.
I felt like I was in the presence of greatness tonight - and I was. Because God was there. And the reality is - its His greatness shining through the people in that room. All of us are sinners saved by grace. All of those people simply said yes when God asked them to obey Him. And because of their obedience and consistency - children are being loved.
For the record - I do have heros who are not LAMP mentors. I sometimes get accused of doting only on them. Not everyone is called to do that. I thought of Jack tonight and his amazing ministry. I thought of his wife and the difference she makes just by being who she is and obeying her specific call. My best friend and her husband are about to go to China - permanently - to work with children in an orphanage.
See tonight, I saw the church being the church. The church is the people - not the steeple. And while I was not in a church "service", I was surrounded by people who know why we are on this earth. And for a few hours, I forgot that my apartment feels like an oven. I forgot that I feel so unskilled and incapable of doing my job well. I forgot about my health issues. I just enjoyed the church. I have Psalm 84:10 on my license plate - "Better is one day in the house of the Lord, then a thousand days elsewhere".
Might I add to that - as my friend Gary did - that one day elsewhere feels like a thousand.
The dry desert of my spirit got some rain tonight. Don't know if it got enough to end the dry spell, but it was good refreshing rain - like a cold shower after running in the heat.
As I drove home thanking the Lord for tonight, He reminded me of a Scripture - one that I tend to forget. Psalm 27:13 - "surely I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living". Life is hard. But His goodness is always there. I pray I have eyes to see it more often - whether or not I am in a mentors meeting.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Sunday, June 23, 2013
The Problem with Positivity
Everyone who knows me, has heard my rant about the glass question. It is not half full, nor half empty, it is equally and simulataneously both. On most occassions, I can call this a difference of opinion with my optimistic and pessimistic friends. Typically, as long as the Bible does not call it "wrong" or "sin", I am happy to label it as a point of view. However, when these "outlooks" start having hurting implications to people, I have to do the right thing and blow the whistle.
(Please note: the term whistleblower is typically attributed to a work environment. Though I could be discussing a work situation here, let me clear - I am not. I am more concerned about this issue in the Kingdom of God).
I had lunch with one of my awesome friends this week. She is known for seeing the world as Black and White (and dressing to match her view). LOL. While we were at lunch she said the most awesome thing ever: "People who are rosey all the time, tend to sometimes live in a denial of reality." BINGO! After this comment, I quickly presented her with the Most in Touch with Reality Award. :)
Now, I am not advocating negativity. As soon as people hear me talk about this, they assume I am promoting constant gloom and complaining. Nope. Several years ago, when I was new to my church, I went to a picnic. I only knew two people there at the time. I stayed for a few hours. There was one individual who did nothing but complain about everything and everybody. She complained about things that happened 8 years ago!!! I got up and left. Couldn't take it anymore.
See both this woman, and those who walk around constantly seeing nothing but roses, are both guilty of living in denial. Now, if you want to live in denial - that is your perogrative and none of my business - until I see injustices occuring and people being hurt. That is when it becomes more than an outlook or point of view - it becomes a disease.
I am going to illustrate my point in two versions: my mothers and the Bible's. Those of you who know my mother know that she doesnt mince words. She doesnt believe in flowering things up - she says it like it is - shocks you in hopes it will sink in.
Her version:
You walk into the room and you see two things - a beautiful bouquet of flowers that are breathtaking and fragrant, and a pile of crap. Literally. So what do we do? Be thankful and grateful for the beautful flowers and dance around enjoying that the fragrance is lessening the smell of the crap? Or do we lament and complain because there is a pile of crap in the room? Both sides are ridiculous. Again, both sides in denial. The appropriate response: First, find out who to thank for the flowers, be grateful, express your gratitude, rejoice in them and enjoy them. At the same time... CLEAN UP THE CRAP!!!!! Ask questions, analyze the situation. Find out how it got there - not just to pass blame, but to understand the situation better and develop ways so that it wont happen again. Clean it, deodorize it, fix it.
This is where some Christians are going to pull out the Serenity Prayer. I believe in the serenity prayer, I just believe most Christians fall into the wrong side of it. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I think most are too quick to see something wrong and just ask for serenity - then going skipping through the tulips (a change from roses) with Jesus and their serenity. The wisdom to know the difference can only be found by talking to God about it. When you talk to Him, you get His viewpoint. Is He okay with this? If He is, then its you (me) who needs to be changed and needs the courage to change. If He isn't okay with it - then we need wisdom on how to change it. Maybe one person can't change it, but many can. Maybe it can't be completely changed right now, but we can work toward change. But most people will opt for serenity because its easier and more comfortable AND... we don't ruffle any feathers with our serenity. Courage to change may offend people who are attached to protocol.
Perhaps, before we skip off with our serenity, we should remember another prayer - the Lord's Prayer. The Lord's Prayer was never meant to chanted in a ritualistic way or quoted like a poem. This prayer came about because the disciples asked Jesus to teach them how to pray. This was known as the Model Prayer - not because you are supposed to say these exact words ritualistically. But this was a model - for what your heart should be and what your mind should be focused on while praying. I don't have time to go through the whole prayer here, but the part that applies is:
"YOUR WILL BE DONE ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN".
So if Jesus told us that that prayer is to be a priority, and that is our goal - for His will to be done on earth, then with each thing that occurs we must ask ourselves "is this how God wants it to be?" If it is, rejoice. If it isn't... pray, then act.
I told you that I would give you two examples - my mothers and the Bibles. Christians like the WWJD thing. Well, at least we like the t-shirts and bracelets. But WWJD? Read the Gospels. Pick one, any one. Or read all four. I have been reading them for almost 25 years and I cannot find one instances where Jesus practiced "optimism" or "pessimism". He dealt with each situation individually and gave it the appropriate balance of grace and truth.
Consider John 8:1-11. The story of the woman caught in adultery. The people were about to stone her for her sin - which the law stated that was to be the consequence. Jesus showed up. He addressed the people with stones in their hands and said "if any of you has no sin, then go ahead - cast the first stone." Of course no one could. Then he addressed the woman. He offered grace, forgave her sins, restored her dignity, and said "go and sin no more". He didn't just love her. He didn't say "because I love you and forgave you, your sin is okay". He definitely didn't say that she could go on and keep doing that because He was a loving God and would forgive her. Grace, mercy, restoration, truth.
Or take for example the death of Lazarus. Jesus had a great friendship with Lazarus and his sisters. He had eaten dinner at their homes on numerous occassions. When Jesus got word of Lazarus's death, He made His way to go and comfort Mary and Martha. He already knew that God would raise Lazarus from the dead. So, wouldn't He coming rejoicing? Wouldn't he come proclaiming "I'm here, its okay." Nope. Read John 11. When He saw Mary and Martha sad and crying... what did He do? The shortest verse in the Bible... John 11:35... "Jesus wept". He already knew there would be a positive outcome, but seeing those He loved saddened, He wept. Then - He raised Lazarus from the dead.
My personal favorite: Jesus in the temple. I recently had a conversation with a friend about Jesus being the Lion and the Lamb. (again - equally both, not either or) I told this person that most people see one or the other. God is either Hitler or Santa Claus, an authoritarian on a power kick or the grandfather in the Werthers Original commercial. There are many instances throughout the Gospels where you saw that lamb. Kind, caring, gentle, compassionate, merciful. And in the face of injustice, the Lion roared. In John chapter 2, Jesus entered the temple, the place of worship. He saw that people had gotten their priorities out of whack and were making money in the temple. Verse 15 says HE MADE A WHIP and drove people and animals out of the temple. He flipped over tables and yelled "get out"! Oh heavens, Jesus... where is your grace? Where is proper protocol? Don't you know that you attract more flies with honey? Some of those people in there were authority figures. The injustice received the Lion's roar. Why didn't He just look at injustice, say "it is what it is" and ask for serenity??
Now note that this is the only instance we see Him that enraged. He wasn't like that every day all day. But if His concern was "Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven", then each instance
had to be viewed and acted upon appropriately through that lens.
So why have I given you a billion examples to prove a point? When we gravitate to positivity or negatively, it can have unintended damaging consequences. This is easier to point out with negativity. When we are negative, we can tear people down, make other things or people look bad, and stir up dissension and strife - like that lady at the picnic in 2007.
But I think we as Christians have swung to the opposite extreme - and the consequences can be brutal, though difficult to recognize if we arent paying attention - and typically we are not paying attention because we are just wrapped up in being positive.
Examples: The Beth Moore Bible study. I love it. It is wonderful. Been in it since I joined North Way - missed one session and felt like my arm was cut off. Overall, its a wonderful ministry that has brought many people closer to the Lord. However, I met a woman last year in a small group. She had signed up for several Beth Moore Bible studies. Each time she did, it hurt her. She mentioned it to the leaders, but they thought she was too sensitive or over-reacting. So she stopped coming. The woman had been married for several years but was the victim of domestic abuse. Divorced, lonely, trying to be around Godly people and dig into the Word and grow closer to God. She was constantly put into study groups with young married mothers. All they did was talk about their husband and kids.
This just made things harder for this woman. She suggested that they put single people together or at least put her with older folks whose primary focus wasnt PTA, but it fell on deaf ears and she fell away.
From a distance, folks who knew her would rejoice because she is a group with Christians and studying the Bible. We were so busy being happy and rejoicing about how wonderful this ministry is - we missed a hurting soul.
I am not suggesting we should not have Beth Moore Bible studies. My point is - just looking at the sunny side caused us to miss a reality - a reality that grieved the heart of God.
I can give many many more examples but this blog is too long already. I just worry that we have become so fixated on being happy and positive, that wrongs are not being made right, people are not getting their needs met, and His will is not being done on earth as it is in heaven. This positivity epidemic caused Casting Crowns to write a song, appropriately titled "Stained Glass Masquerade".
A few lines of the song:
So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them
The chorus:
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade
My prayer: "Father, give us eyes to see. Not the positive, not the negative, but what you see. Give us the desire to see what you see even if its unpleasant. Then, when we see what you see, give us wisdom. If what we see is pleasing to you, let us rejoice and give thanks. If it's not, give us courage to pray 'Let your will be done on earth as it is in heaven' and then give us wisdom and courage to act to make that happen. In each situation, help us to know what Jesus would do, and then enable us, the Body of Christ, to go and do likewise.
(Please note: the term whistleblower is typically attributed to a work environment. Though I could be discussing a work situation here, let me clear - I am not. I am more concerned about this issue in the Kingdom of God).
I had lunch with one of my awesome friends this week. She is known for seeing the world as Black and White (and dressing to match her view). LOL. While we were at lunch she said the most awesome thing ever: "People who are rosey all the time, tend to sometimes live in a denial of reality." BINGO! After this comment, I quickly presented her with the Most in Touch with Reality Award. :)
Now, I am not advocating negativity. As soon as people hear me talk about this, they assume I am promoting constant gloom and complaining. Nope. Several years ago, when I was new to my church, I went to a picnic. I only knew two people there at the time. I stayed for a few hours. There was one individual who did nothing but complain about everything and everybody. She complained about things that happened 8 years ago!!! I got up and left. Couldn't take it anymore.
See both this woman, and those who walk around constantly seeing nothing but roses, are both guilty of living in denial. Now, if you want to live in denial - that is your perogrative and none of my business - until I see injustices occuring and people being hurt. That is when it becomes more than an outlook or point of view - it becomes a disease.
I am going to illustrate my point in two versions: my mothers and the Bible's. Those of you who know my mother know that she doesnt mince words. She doesnt believe in flowering things up - she says it like it is - shocks you in hopes it will sink in.
Her version:
You walk into the room and you see two things - a beautiful bouquet of flowers that are breathtaking and fragrant, and a pile of crap. Literally. So what do we do? Be thankful and grateful for the beautful flowers and dance around enjoying that the fragrance is lessening the smell of the crap? Or do we lament and complain because there is a pile of crap in the room? Both sides are ridiculous. Again, both sides in denial. The appropriate response: First, find out who to thank for the flowers, be grateful, express your gratitude, rejoice in them and enjoy them. At the same time... CLEAN UP THE CRAP!!!!! Ask questions, analyze the situation. Find out how it got there - not just to pass blame, but to understand the situation better and develop ways so that it wont happen again. Clean it, deodorize it, fix it.
This is where some Christians are going to pull out the Serenity Prayer. I believe in the serenity prayer, I just believe most Christians fall into the wrong side of it. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I think most are too quick to see something wrong and just ask for serenity - then going skipping through the tulips (a change from roses) with Jesus and their serenity. The wisdom to know the difference can only be found by talking to God about it. When you talk to Him, you get His viewpoint. Is He okay with this? If He is, then its you (me) who needs to be changed and needs the courage to change. If He isn't okay with it - then we need wisdom on how to change it. Maybe one person can't change it, but many can. Maybe it can't be completely changed right now, but we can work toward change. But most people will opt for serenity because its easier and more comfortable AND... we don't ruffle any feathers with our serenity. Courage to change may offend people who are attached to protocol.
Perhaps, before we skip off with our serenity, we should remember another prayer - the Lord's Prayer. The Lord's Prayer was never meant to chanted in a ritualistic way or quoted like a poem. This prayer came about because the disciples asked Jesus to teach them how to pray. This was known as the Model Prayer - not because you are supposed to say these exact words ritualistically. But this was a model - for what your heart should be and what your mind should be focused on while praying. I don't have time to go through the whole prayer here, but the part that applies is:
"YOUR WILL BE DONE ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN".
So if Jesus told us that that prayer is to be a priority, and that is our goal - for His will to be done on earth, then with each thing that occurs we must ask ourselves "is this how God wants it to be?" If it is, rejoice. If it isn't... pray, then act.
I told you that I would give you two examples - my mothers and the Bibles. Christians like the WWJD thing. Well, at least we like the t-shirts and bracelets. But WWJD? Read the Gospels. Pick one, any one. Or read all four. I have been reading them for almost 25 years and I cannot find one instances where Jesus practiced "optimism" or "pessimism". He dealt with each situation individually and gave it the appropriate balance of grace and truth.
Consider John 8:1-11. The story of the woman caught in adultery. The people were about to stone her for her sin - which the law stated that was to be the consequence. Jesus showed up. He addressed the people with stones in their hands and said "if any of you has no sin, then go ahead - cast the first stone." Of course no one could. Then he addressed the woman. He offered grace, forgave her sins, restored her dignity, and said "go and sin no more". He didn't just love her. He didn't say "because I love you and forgave you, your sin is okay". He definitely didn't say that she could go on and keep doing that because He was a loving God and would forgive her. Grace, mercy, restoration, truth.
Or take for example the death of Lazarus. Jesus had a great friendship with Lazarus and his sisters. He had eaten dinner at their homes on numerous occassions. When Jesus got word of Lazarus's death, He made His way to go and comfort Mary and Martha. He already knew that God would raise Lazarus from the dead. So, wouldn't He coming rejoicing? Wouldn't he come proclaiming "I'm here, its okay." Nope. Read John 11. When He saw Mary and Martha sad and crying... what did He do? The shortest verse in the Bible... John 11:35... "Jesus wept". He already knew there would be a positive outcome, but seeing those He loved saddened, He wept. Then - He raised Lazarus from the dead.
My personal favorite: Jesus in the temple. I recently had a conversation with a friend about Jesus being the Lion and the Lamb. (again - equally both, not either or) I told this person that most people see one or the other. God is either Hitler or Santa Claus, an authoritarian on a power kick or the grandfather in the Werthers Original commercial. There are many instances throughout the Gospels where you saw that lamb. Kind, caring, gentle, compassionate, merciful. And in the face of injustice, the Lion roared. In John chapter 2, Jesus entered the temple, the place of worship. He saw that people had gotten their priorities out of whack and were making money in the temple. Verse 15 says HE MADE A WHIP and drove people and animals out of the temple. He flipped over tables and yelled "get out"! Oh heavens, Jesus... where is your grace? Where is proper protocol? Don't you know that you attract more flies with honey? Some of those people in there were authority figures. The injustice received the Lion's roar. Why didn't He just look at injustice, say "it is what it is" and ask for serenity??
Now note that this is the only instance we see Him that enraged. He wasn't like that every day all day. But if His concern was "Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven", then each instance
had to be viewed and acted upon appropriately through that lens.
So why have I given you a billion examples to prove a point? When we gravitate to positivity or negatively, it can have unintended damaging consequences. This is easier to point out with negativity. When we are negative, we can tear people down, make other things or people look bad, and stir up dissension and strife - like that lady at the picnic in 2007.
But I think we as Christians have swung to the opposite extreme - and the consequences can be brutal, though difficult to recognize if we arent paying attention - and typically we are not paying attention because we are just wrapped up in being positive.
Examples: The Beth Moore Bible study. I love it. It is wonderful. Been in it since I joined North Way - missed one session and felt like my arm was cut off. Overall, its a wonderful ministry that has brought many people closer to the Lord. However, I met a woman last year in a small group. She had signed up for several Beth Moore Bible studies. Each time she did, it hurt her. She mentioned it to the leaders, but they thought she was too sensitive or over-reacting. So she stopped coming. The woman had been married for several years but was the victim of domestic abuse. Divorced, lonely, trying to be around Godly people and dig into the Word and grow closer to God. She was constantly put into study groups with young married mothers. All they did was talk about their husband and kids.
This just made things harder for this woman. She suggested that they put single people together or at least put her with older folks whose primary focus wasnt PTA, but it fell on deaf ears and she fell away.
From a distance, folks who knew her would rejoice because she is a group with Christians and studying the Bible. We were so busy being happy and rejoicing about how wonderful this ministry is - we missed a hurting soul.
I am not suggesting we should not have Beth Moore Bible studies. My point is - just looking at the sunny side caused us to miss a reality - a reality that grieved the heart of God.
I can give many many more examples but this blog is too long already. I just worry that we have become so fixated on being happy and positive, that wrongs are not being made right, people are not getting their needs met, and His will is not being done on earth as it is in heaven. This positivity epidemic caused Casting Crowns to write a song, appropriately titled "Stained Glass Masquerade".
A few lines of the song:
So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them
The chorus:
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade
My prayer: "Father, give us eyes to see. Not the positive, not the negative, but what you see. Give us the desire to see what you see even if its unpleasant. Then, when we see what you see, give us wisdom. If what we see is pleasing to you, let us rejoice and give thanks. If it's not, give us courage to pray 'Let your will be done on earth as it is in heaven' and then give us wisdom and courage to act to make that happen. In each situation, help us to know what Jesus would do, and then enable us, the Body of Christ, to go and do likewise.
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