For obvious reasons, this day is so near and dear to my heart. Without this day and Resurrection Sunday I would be doomed for all eternity and no have good purpose for my earthly life. But today is near and dear to me for reasons not so obvious. You see, I have been set free. Yes - I have been set free from my sin, free from death and eternal hell. I have been freed to walk this life in relationship with the One who purchased my freedom with His own precious blood (here come the tears, that didn't take long). But I have also been set free - from that awful thing known as religion.
Good Friday has been a special day since since my childhood. But as I go through this day and I think back to those days, my gratitude is doubled. When I was child, working on Good Friday - whether at a job or just regular housework, was considered a sin. You were offending Jesus if you washed a dish or swept the floor. You were supposed to attend church and spend the rest of the day somber, if not mourning, for the pain that He went through. I remember my great-grandmother and great aunts spending the day wailing - "Jesus died." Even as a child I remember being confused. I knew He died, but I also knew He rose again - and it didnt seem logical that He "died again" every year. One year when I was 12, I was talking to one of my friends. She was a born again, spirit filled believer, but I did not know or understand that at the time. I told her she was supposed to mourn on Good Friday. She was puzzled. She looked at me and said: "why mourn? You were given a gift". Two years later, that same girl would take me to her youth group on a Wednesday night and my destiny would forever change.
I am not working today. And I am happy and blessed to say that I have never worked on Good Friday since 1988. But not because I believe its a sin. It is not a sin to work today. I don't believe anyone who does work is offending Jesus. I have only worked in one office that is closed on Good Friday. My current company as well as the past three are open and functioning today - without me. I take Good Friday off for the same reason that married couples go out on their anniversary. I break from the ordinary to remember and celebrate. Jesus isnt dying again today. He is not on a cross today. He is seated at the right hand of God the Father and is reigning King of kings and Lord of lords.
Though I dont work today - I did do housework. I don't think Jesus minds. But after doing housework and before heading to church to begin my volunteer duties for tonight, I did something I have done for the past 24 years. I made a date with my Savior. Just me and Him. Quietly reflecting on what He did for me.
The funny thing is - I think I am more aware of my sin and my innate sinful nature now than I ever have been before - even when I first accepted Jesus as my Savior. The Bible says all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. It also says there is none righteous - no, not one. It clearly tells us when compared to the Holyness of God - any righteousness we can come up with on our own is like filthy rags. Do you want me to break down the original Hebrew? I can... ;
See I have no power to live sin free. The Bible says we are sinful from our mothers womb. Sinful from conception. I can't change that. The Bible also says the wages (penalty) for sin is death.
Jesus - who knew no sin - took my sin. That crown of thorns peirced His head. The nails tore into His hands and feet. That precious, sinless blood - now tainted with my sin. Why? Because He chose to. He loved me and He wanted a relationship with me, both here on earth and forever in heaven - and the cross was the only way He could have that relationship.
And now with a relationship, my view and approach to sin drastically changes. In religion, I am TRYING not to sin to gain good standing and approval with God. Impossible. Now, I try to live according to His Word, not to gain His approval - because I already have it. Not to "be good enough for heaven" - my non-refundable ticket into heaven was purchased by His blood. Religion tells us that when we approach those pearly gates, we will have to review our report card with the gatekeeper. NOPE! There is a book in heaven. It's called The Lamb's Book of Life. My name is in it. I get in.
Does that mean I can live whatever way I want to? Jesus loves me so I can do what I want. God forbid! But the difference is in the why - why do I chose how I live. Because I love Him. Just like in a marriage or even close friendship - you do things that you know will make the other smile and you try not to do things that the other hates. Not because you are trying to get a relationship - but because you have one.
I've cried already today. And if history repeats itself I will cry in church tonight. But it's not the same crying that my relatives did. I cry when I remember what Jesus did. But I cry a cry of gratitude and freedom. Gratitude because as sinful and nasty and selfish as I am - Jesus still chose the nails for me. He still loved me enough to endure the cross. My mind cannot fathom a love that like. I accept it by faith, though I don't understand it.
But tears or no, I celebrate today. The anniversary of Jesus giving me a gift. He purchased my salvation, He took my sin as His own. He invited me into relationship with Him - and thus - freed me from the shackles of man-made religion. You will not see a crucifix near me - because Jesus isnt on the cross anymore. But you will see a cross around my neck - and the image seared into my heart. The cross is my Statue of Liberty. And today - is a Good Friday.
Friday, March 29, 2013
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Momma Told Me There'd Be Days Like This
Oh what a day. Looking back on this day, I just have to laugh. What else can one do? It was not a completely "bad" day. Several wonderful moments occurred. Those moments are what the author Barbara Johnson would call "splashes of joy in the cesspools of life". I am choosing to remember those moments of today.
All of this week I have been overwhelmed. I am behind at work, behind in my personal life, and several unforeseen events have come up. Not a good trio. I'm behind at work because February was a short month and I didnt have the usual time to prepare for month end reporting. Additionally, several tasks had issues and are taking twice as long to do than normal.
Personally.. well lets see. Last Saturday I had my Biology class and I did horribly on the mid-term exam. My homework that is due March 16th is to read 4 chapters and answer 5 essay questions. Additionally, I have to memorize the skeletal system. We have a practical exam on the 16th where we will have to identify the bones - but they will be scattered around the lab - not formed in the skeletal frame. Here's the thing - I have not touched my Biology work since I left class last Saturday.
Also, I sponsor children with Compassion International. I sponsor two - but I write to four of them because I volunteer to write children whose sponsors do not write to them. I have an Outlook reminder set up to write them once a month. My reminder went off on February 20th - I have yet to write them. Is it a big deal? Not really. But see the children in these Compassion programs have "mail day" on a scheduled cycle. The Compassion workers sit the children down and pass out letters. So you can imagine, some kids are waiting to see if there name will be called because they got a letter. Some kids get sad when there is no letter for them and their friends got one. When I found this out, I vowed to write once a month so that my sponsored children never go through a mail day without getting a letter. This is the first time in a long time that I am two weeks behind.
As many of you know, I am in the midst of overcoming health issues. I recently found out that one of the causes of a big health concern was the medication I was taking for my diabetes. I am off the meds, but I need to get serious about conquering diabetes with diet and exercise. So I joined Curves. Part of the their program is meal planning. They design a meal plan, one week at a time, around my medical, nutritional, and time needs. Here's the thing - in order to stick to it, one would actually have to go grocery shopping. Haven't done that.
My friend's daughter had a birthday on February 28th. I have been planning to send her something for a month. Her card sits on my desk tonight.
Two weeks ago I spent time with my mentee. I am supposed to send a report to my mentoring supervisor each time I see my mentee - yeah, not done.
One of the few volunteer duties I still have at church is being a Community Leader - and overseer of 5 small groups. Havent done a thing with that.
Then there are the surprises...
On Monday, my sister called and said there was a water main break in the laundry room in my building - the laundry room that is right next to my apartment. The maintenace staff was concerned that the water would leak into my living room. They came in and move my sofa and took a painting off my wall. This meant I had to work from home for two days while crews went in and out. Tuesday we had no water for 7 hours. Fun
Then this week I noticed my car is making a funny noise. I tend to get paranoid about these things so I dismissed it at first - until other people started pointing it out. The noise is a loud rattling noise and its coming from the back of the car. Its only when I hit the brake or when I am idle. If my foot is on the gas pedal - no noise. So I am thinking "what is this going to cost to diagnose and repair?"
Now for the splash of joy.... I went to lunch today with my Susan. I love my Susan - she has a way of making me feel good about myself. We went to First Watch and had a delicious and nutritious lunch. She had just returned from a trip to Hawaii and bought me a beautiful Hawaii mug - from Starbucks! It travelled from Hawaii with her. I loved it. So I am sitting with her forgetting all the stress of life when my phone rings. Its my Mom. She usually doesnt call during the day unless there is a problem, so I answered. She may be getting hospitalized soon. She is bleeding internally and they cannot find the source. Thing is - yesterday she was in my home. (I actually paid her to run to the bank for me - the bank that is a block away - because I needed to deposit a check and I couldnt leave my work computer more than I already had.) She never told me she wasnt feeling well or that she was having a problem.
Driving back to work my car was rattling so loud I was hoping it would not break down. Did I mention this car is only 3 years old?
I got back to work and it was non-stop. Didnt have time to get a drink or use the restroom. I don't mind being busy when I am actually accomplishing something. But it didnt seem that I was. I stayed till 5:45 and I just needed a break. My brain was fried. I will be logging on again in a few moments - this blog is a good venting tool.
When I came home I had two cards waiting for me in the mail. (more splashes of joy). So then I sat down to eat dinner - cereal - and reflex on this insane day and week.
Well, please don't think I wrote a blog just to complain. I wish you could see my tone and body language as I am typing this. Because I am laughing. Oh, I wasnt laughing earlier. About 4pm, I just wanted to curl up in the fetal position and sob. But I am laughing now. All these things happening at once - what are the odds - and I just have to laugh. None of them are permanent. Except for my mother's health none of them are a huge deal. Its just stress. Life stress.
And this blog is about life lessons. Of course there are lessons here for me. First, my church is doing a series on discipline and I am reading a book on discipline - but I am the most undisciplined fool right now. I keep sleeping past the alarm and waking up and rushing out the door - missing my quality time with the Lord. And when I miss my quality time with the Lord, I forget that He walks with me through each and every part of my day. If I were more cognizant of His presence with me, I would consult Him on every issue that pops up - work or personal. I would realize that He and I can tackle anything together. I could ask Him how He wants me to handle the issue at hand and how He wants me to priorize everything that is going on. I would be able to respond rather than react to people and situations. (oh if I had a dollar for each time Kathy had to give me the respond vs. react lesson, I would not need to work). But seriously, if I was disciplined enough to walk with Him through each moment and not just keep Him in my back pocket like a good luck charm, I would be much less overwhelmed. Stress would still exist. Trouble would still come. But I would have peace knowing that I am hand in hand with my Daddy.
The good news - I get to try again tomorrow. The Bible says His mercies are new every morning. I get a clean slate, another chance. When I learn to not let go of Him, to walk with Him through each moment - my joy will be so much more than the splashes from my wonderful friends. It will be the joy that is the fruit of the Holy Spirit - a deep constant joy despite the circumstances.
For today - I will just reflex on who He is. And remember that with all the changing craziness of life, He doesnt change. He will remain after this day is gone and things of earth have past. I think that is what it means to say He is my Rock.
Thanks for listening folks. :)
All of this week I have been overwhelmed. I am behind at work, behind in my personal life, and several unforeseen events have come up. Not a good trio. I'm behind at work because February was a short month and I didnt have the usual time to prepare for month end reporting. Additionally, several tasks had issues and are taking twice as long to do than normal.
Personally.. well lets see. Last Saturday I had my Biology class and I did horribly on the mid-term exam. My homework that is due March 16th is to read 4 chapters and answer 5 essay questions. Additionally, I have to memorize the skeletal system. We have a practical exam on the 16th where we will have to identify the bones - but they will be scattered around the lab - not formed in the skeletal frame. Here's the thing - I have not touched my Biology work since I left class last Saturday.
Also, I sponsor children with Compassion International. I sponsor two - but I write to four of them because I volunteer to write children whose sponsors do not write to them. I have an Outlook reminder set up to write them once a month. My reminder went off on February 20th - I have yet to write them. Is it a big deal? Not really. But see the children in these Compassion programs have "mail day" on a scheduled cycle. The Compassion workers sit the children down and pass out letters. So you can imagine, some kids are waiting to see if there name will be called because they got a letter. Some kids get sad when there is no letter for them and their friends got one. When I found this out, I vowed to write once a month so that my sponsored children never go through a mail day without getting a letter. This is the first time in a long time that I am two weeks behind.
As many of you know, I am in the midst of overcoming health issues. I recently found out that one of the causes of a big health concern was the medication I was taking for my diabetes. I am off the meds, but I need to get serious about conquering diabetes with diet and exercise. So I joined Curves. Part of the their program is meal planning. They design a meal plan, one week at a time, around my medical, nutritional, and time needs. Here's the thing - in order to stick to it, one would actually have to go grocery shopping. Haven't done that.
My friend's daughter had a birthday on February 28th. I have been planning to send her something for a month. Her card sits on my desk tonight.
Two weeks ago I spent time with my mentee. I am supposed to send a report to my mentoring supervisor each time I see my mentee - yeah, not done.
One of the few volunteer duties I still have at church is being a Community Leader - and overseer of 5 small groups. Havent done a thing with that.
Then there are the surprises...
On Monday, my sister called and said there was a water main break in the laundry room in my building - the laundry room that is right next to my apartment. The maintenace staff was concerned that the water would leak into my living room. They came in and move my sofa and took a painting off my wall. This meant I had to work from home for two days while crews went in and out. Tuesday we had no water for 7 hours. Fun
Then this week I noticed my car is making a funny noise. I tend to get paranoid about these things so I dismissed it at first - until other people started pointing it out. The noise is a loud rattling noise and its coming from the back of the car. Its only when I hit the brake or when I am idle. If my foot is on the gas pedal - no noise. So I am thinking "what is this going to cost to diagnose and repair?"
Now for the splash of joy.... I went to lunch today with my Susan. I love my Susan - she has a way of making me feel good about myself. We went to First Watch and had a delicious and nutritious lunch. She had just returned from a trip to Hawaii and bought me a beautiful Hawaii mug - from Starbucks! It travelled from Hawaii with her. I loved it. So I am sitting with her forgetting all the stress of life when my phone rings. Its my Mom. She usually doesnt call during the day unless there is a problem, so I answered. She may be getting hospitalized soon. She is bleeding internally and they cannot find the source. Thing is - yesterday she was in my home. (I actually paid her to run to the bank for me - the bank that is a block away - because I needed to deposit a check and I couldnt leave my work computer more than I already had.) She never told me she wasnt feeling well or that she was having a problem.
Driving back to work my car was rattling so loud I was hoping it would not break down. Did I mention this car is only 3 years old?
I got back to work and it was non-stop. Didnt have time to get a drink or use the restroom. I don't mind being busy when I am actually accomplishing something. But it didnt seem that I was. I stayed till 5:45 and I just needed a break. My brain was fried. I will be logging on again in a few moments - this blog is a good venting tool.
When I came home I had two cards waiting for me in the mail. (more splashes of joy). So then I sat down to eat dinner - cereal - and reflex on this insane day and week.
Well, please don't think I wrote a blog just to complain. I wish you could see my tone and body language as I am typing this. Because I am laughing. Oh, I wasnt laughing earlier. About 4pm, I just wanted to curl up in the fetal position and sob. But I am laughing now. All these things happening at once - what are the odds - and I just have to laugh. None of them are permanent. Except for my mother's health none of them are a huge deal. Its just stress. Life stress.
And this blog is about life lessons. Of course there are lessons here for me. First, my church is doing a series on discipline and I am reading a book on discipline - but I am the most undisciplined fool right now. I keep sleeping past the alarm and waking up and rushing out the door - missing my quality time with the Lord. And when I miss my quality time with the Lord, I forget that He walks with me through each and every part of my day. If I were more cognizant of His presence with me, I would consult Him on every issue that pops up - work or personal. I would realize that He and I can tackle anything together. I could ask Him how He wants me to handle the issue at hand and how He wants me to priorize everything that is going on. I would be able to respond rather than react to people and situations. (oh if I had a dollar for each time Kathy had to give me the respond vs. react lesson, I would not need to work). But seriously, if I was disciplined enough to walk with Him through each moment and not just keep Him in my back pocket like a good luck charm, I would be much less overwhelmed. Stress would still exist. Trouble would still come. But I would have peace knowing that I am hand in hand with my Daddy.
The good news - I get to try again tomorrow. The Bible says His mercies are new every morning. I get a clean slate, another chance. When I learn to not let go of Him, to walk with Him through each moment - my joy will be so much more than the splashes from my wonderful friends. It will be the joy that is the fruit of the Holy Spirit - a deep constant joy despite the circumstances.
For today - I will just reflex on who He is. And remember that with all the changing craziness of life, He doesnt change. He will remain after this day is gone and things of earth have past. I think that is what it means to say He is my Rock.
Thanks for listening folks. :)
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